weB log 2017

About ~ 2011 ~ 2012 ~ 2013 ~ 2014 ~ 2015 ~ 2016 ~ 2018 ~ 2019 New entries go on top but within an entry, time is chronological. The next Wholeo new year restarts on the December solstice. Remember if something is undefined, it might have appeared on an earlier date. Read from bottom of each entry or the end up. Or search the page.

Entries: December (2016) 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 28. January (2017) 01, 02, 04, 05, 06, 09 10, 11, 12, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 23, 24, 26, 29, 30, 31. February 1, Imbolc: 06, 07, 11, 12, 14, 15, 16, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25. March: 01, 04, 05, 06, 11, 12, 15, 16, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28. April: 01, 03, 04, 10, 11, 12, 14, 15, 16, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30. May 04, 06, 08, 13, 17, 19, 20, 26, 28, 29. June 01, 02, 03, 04, 05, 06, 07, 10, 13, 15, 18, 20, 21, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 29. July 01, 02, 03, 09, 13, 14, 15, 17, 20, 21, 22, 25, 26, 30. August 01, 02, 04, 06, 07, 08, 09, 10, 11, 12, 15, 16, 17, 18, 21 25 26, 28 30. September 01, 06, 08, 09, 11, 12, 13, 14, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 29. October 02, 04, 05, 06, 07, 08, 09, 13, 14, 16, 17, 19, 20, 21, 22, 24, 25, 30, 31. November 02, 03, 04, 05, 06, 09, 10, 11, 12, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 22, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29. December 07, 12, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20. Quarter Days: March 20. June 21. September 22. December 21.

2017-12-20

The last day of the Wholeo year. Off for a solstice mini-retreat to a cabin in the forest by the sea. This morning realized the screen of reality is like layers. Conscensus is bland mixture, lowest common denominator. Started seeing omens and clues and other magical meanings. Not sure that can access the future. If there is free will, anyone at any time can change everything. So how would a future read what hasn't happened yet? Thinking sequentially.

The other insight was that the solstice alignment is fibers. It is a rope bridge. Consciousnesses of all sorts have traversed it so frequently, reliably, repeatedly.

Walking from Grayton to the edge of the camping grayton area was about a mile. Going was thrilling with the clouds, sun, everything furling. I turned around south of where the cabin turned out to be north of me, in the park. Part of the alignment fine tuning, between my position on 12-21 at solstice moment, with the sun and the galactic center.

In the afternoon at the cabin porch did a really good yoga. The forest is not beautiful. Kind of subdued, beaten back. The concrete pads, clothes line, posts, and cleared area around the cabin serve to isolate me. However, there are beauties in the branches, subtle movements of shadowy deer passing by, and near the end, after sunset I guess, high clouds moving fast revealing blue sky way above. Some of the balancing poses that typically I can't do at night were perfect. I didn't forget where I was or miss any part of it. Very good practice. For the next day, the Outer Solstice, see 2017-12-21.

2017-12-19

Early solstice new year's resolution is to organize all my belongings in my condo. I will dispose of everything except what I truly need for my onward journey. Many things will go that my daughter would trash if I were dead. In my renewed home, I will invite all the friends that I have not invited because of the mess. Likelihood of keeping this resolution? 2%. I am utterly daunted with organization.

2017-12-18

Walking outdoors today, pondering how I'm a seed person, a spreader, an innoculator, an inspiration, a role model. I am modeling brain train. Mind find. Consciousness conscientiousness. Aware ingear. Like a born again spreading the good news. But under that I'm communicating an evolutionary path of success. I don't seem to be much good at it in media but it is in living it.

Tonight, envisioning the wholeoopen. But each ray does not end. I'm not sure of the process, where it is a reach out that is met by a reciprocal reach out. Or if it is mirroring in some way. But I can't see the rays as ending. They grow out. And out and the out is gently twirling like my guitar gently weeps. Like DNA part twists. So perhaps for tomorrow, I can make some fading into mist ends, so the whole story isn't visible, but it can be later.

2017-12-17

On lake2lake walk during dawn, I met a mockingbird at Lakewood and 30A. It flew from right to left right in front of me and landed on the nearest branch. I thought I'd say my name and wholeo. It seemed attentive. We communed. It did a little beak wiping left and right going up the branch. Earlier I had sung with a carolina wren.

2017-12-16

Ted Pirsig opened Nancy's former residence to friends before giving her belongings to a thrift store. I was crying as I drove the familiar streets for the last time. But at each turn I recognized life is change. The next turn brought the realization that change is joy. Loving it for Nancy. With Nancy.

2017-12-15

Feeling of life as this incredible moving clip, writhing, pulsing, flashing exhuberance.

2017-12-12

After soaking and germinating raw almonds over a couple of days, while washing the them one last time, a large egg-sized blob of goo appears with three nuts stuck in it. Horrified and having no idea what it was or how dangerous it might be, I removed it from the tray. Rinsed the tray. Finished the rest of the almonds and found no more goo. So did it contaminate more almonds? Should I have rinsed the whole batch again? Yes, should, but gambled that it was something used in processing the nuts and was not poison and would burn off in the hydrator. In case I die and you read this, now you know. Was it in the bag of raw almonds or did something creep into the batch while soaking and germinating. What in the world or off world could it have been?

Met David Lindberg who told me how much he loved growing up with my painting, which his mother Jean Pirsig, Bob Pirsig's sister, had gotten through her parents. He said his art really grew out of the wonderful brushwork in my painting. He said for him it was first color and movement and only later did he pick out the sun and the tree and see it as representational. He sent photos of it.

2017-12-07

I have not focused on quarterly equinox and solstice celebrations this year. But the Outer solstice 2017 is gaining momentum. I have found a nature setting for overnight meditation retreat. Researched Zen web sites on the zafu, a meditation cushion that I use, to see if my practice is traditional. It is. I have done galactic and color healings for the event of the day.

I seem to be so pleased that two tiny branches of the arms of Windancer, my tree friend in the forest out back, seem to be touching. This reminds me of namastes, handshakes, hugs and greetings of all sorts. Or the beginning of a sword dance.

2017-12-04

Allowed myself a moment of creativity, reading 11/29 vision of the blue energy flow. Can see it over a black and red/yellow flamed dark carolyoga figure. And the bubbling expanding and then contracting and folding back in. Maybe get the figure walking back to the camera.

2017-11-29

Walking back from kitchen, massive vision experience of like Leslie's blue energy flow, but in large to smaller increasingly diminutive wholeOOspheres. With wholeopens flinging, moving, sending streamers of connex. Large spheres on top, bubbling down, finer and smaller, and more frequent. This might be how I'm transcending. Transmuting. It is as if every part of me is translating in expanding mode. Every part translating into a 5D structure, so much more capable, greater capacity capacitors. Unseen, folded back under human being facade.

2017-11-28

At one point I woke up from dozing off with doing the wrong thing and knowing I was going to die. Astonished that I didn't. Now I can't remember what the wrong thing was. Is it possible that this was my first experience on being born? Why do I repeat this over and over with slight variations as though it was something new each time?

2017-11-27

I visited a friend in the hospital. She had a massive heart attack and almost died. We gave her a spiritual healing to admit cosmic blue light available. Later Leslie said blue was her favorite color and asked what I thought it was. Unsure. But in coming days I have felt a need to draw the increasingly small distribution fibers from head to toe. Light blue aerates red, opens circulatory system. I sang stuff like "wave after wave of love all around me, give me the strength to go on". I did tiny tsk tsk (sound flicks) all over aura. I found a left calf and right top shoulder connection that I bridged with body from hands on either point. don't know if it was opening a flow or what. Generally encouraging what is above to immerse and connect all the way to soles of feet.

2017-11-26

Seaside is featuring an "Abstract" artists show. This can only make sense when your whole area doesn't know art history or what art really is.

Can 5d consciousness be nature too? Yes, it is not just brain cells. It's not really expansion. It's contraction. We are expanded out into details. What's near and what's far?! If you're focused on the details, the reality looks bigger. But if you are focused on the reality, the details look bigger. Maybe that's partly why I feel so negative. It's not negative, it's that I'm focusing on some bigger picture, so some of these things seem remote, like putting your name on something.

When you say brain cell expands, individual parts of it move apart in virtual reality, but each part of it looks smaller in the same viewport. Or when it expands away from the viewer, smaller so in a sense it contracts to get bigger. But on the other hand, if we separate that out, in time, the brain cell itself is getting bigger in the middle. If we look at that from the "other" point of view, there is expansion. Maybe separate the concepts of zoom from expand. You have to zoom into the view to see what expands. So while it thinks it is expanding, I'm expanding to follow it in. I'm zooming in. ... so my whole exercise of the morning is to take the other viewpoint. I've been trying to see it through its viewpoint.

2017-11-25

Let's evolve
It's what life does
Needs a plan
Do the twist
Organize
Synergize
Energize
Mystsynthesize
Higher mind, before robots do
Need addressing ... why

I need a script for a "let's evolve" movie.

Suddenly. No, gradually began feeling jittery, like caffeine frenzy. Can't shake it. I guess because I started drinking yerba mate tea before drinking water. Growing old involves narrowing parameters to the balancing act. Easy to tip off, fall down, space out, lose it. I love seeing thread V lines of birds flying south.

The sky seemed like prophesy this morning. Earlier I had an urge to photograph the feathery wisps of clouds seeming streaking to keep up with some wind streaming to the west. Like my theme of movement in evolution. Now looked up to see it all gray in modulated double roll across the sky horizontally with a single white apostrophe. I know it is a hole in the clouds to the blue sky beyond. Or is it a tiny cloud lit up by the rising sun? No the hole quickly covers. As I'm writing it has become almost featureless. Except lighter up top left. Should have had a movie of the whole thing. Background for evolution of my mind.

Funny how some life moments become emblems, knobs, leitmotifs, themes. I look at my empty cup... what? In the sky, there goes a flock as disparate in a pattern far spread across the sky, flying in the opposite direction. What's up with these birds in the bird world? ... And empty glass and think, "It's time to tank up". Which is what an unnamed but physically remembered tech writer at Borland once said as I was leaving and she was entering the break room. Me with cups in hand. Somehow she's associated with the writers that remained when I was laid off, leading to a few months without work, leading to my best most wonderful job ever. Tank up has this emotional boost feeling about it. Stemming from that oft-remembered moment.

If I show the five cubes taking on the relative neutral colors, would parallels be an orchid icosahedron and a rainbow dodecahedron? I don't have parallel means for them unless the dodec is wholeness and the icosa is inner eye, light of mind.

Am I sure that the brain cells take the initiative? No. All I can say is when 5 brain cells synergize, this is a good structural model of their association.

2017-11-24

The Universe Spirit diagram of the human brain looking at a Buckminsterfullerene molecule with the words "Increase learning capacity, knowledge and intelligence" would seem to stem from a similar motive or inspiration to mine. But when I look up the molecule, and see the arrangement of pents, I'm not sure it is true that the molecule is like Bucky's domes. Just like Fuller doesn't talk about the EIEnor. Or is it a soccer ball? Is it a 4-frequency geodesic? I found a Treehugger article that debunks the history that Fuller designed the soccer ball. Sort of. But he does say Fuller's domes were all triangles which isn't true, given the Fly's Eye dome and others. But the article does lend support to my intuition. Also helps explain why universe chose that geometry incorrectly, why my bamboo dome led me to spend years and countless years trying to understand brain cell expansion and even the scientists naming the molecule after Buckminster Fuller. He was a great thinker and even better speaker and publicist. He's a brand, so all rounded forms made up of pentagons, triangles, hexagons, and linear segments bring him to mind.

As I work on addressing each face, I'm wondering if even more subtle color coding would have the neutral cube faces coloring with respect to the pent faces, so the color itself would not be exactly the cube but expressed in rows of gradations. Hmm, maybe even able to express the rows and crosses? Getting too complex for me.

Thoughts of making a Facebook poll to determine the order of the letters in the name. It seems arbitrary the way I'm doing it. Before I do that have to have a complete suite or portfolio of graphics. Have a photo of a model constructed. Also maybe animations clickable to rotate it.

Making friends with a tree in the forest out back. I can see it from my computer chair. Calling it Windancer. On the way out to hike I went to lay hands on tree trunk. It said EIEnor expansion geometry wasn't five-fold, was 6.

2017-11-22

Pondering how the brain cells get organized. Remembering my question about the number line, isn't there a circular math? Then suddenly it came together. Yes, the color wheel is it, but it is a color sphere. Colors are expressed and stored as vectors, angles in 3 digits, x, y, and z. Probably more. I leaped up to express and record this breakthrough. As I did, I realized the brain cell had expressed as a block to me and the sides expanding to squares, so they are vectors on a cube. Is that just as good? You know when you are exploring and discovering, there are always hypotheses, preliminary maps and explanations. But reality is always changing so there never is a final realization of any truth. It can't be grasped. But it can be sought, as in searched for, characterized. But the color cube gives me a greater complexity. Numbers along each vector. In carolyoga Each expansion has cube faces, but the color number is just one vector. So the tilt of the cube is expressed spherically. Is it possible that a cell is tilted spherically in the brain too? I saw brain cells as cubes surrounded by the sphere of emotions. Maybe the orientation of the cell is tilted, like compass needles magnetized in groups of five. I could do a mandala of the different tilts? It is false to see them expanding physically. It is just mapping. Addressing. It has a protocol.

2017-11-20

Chromosomes - Wholeosomes

Wee hours visionary experience. Lying in bed, wakeful. Something inside says "pay attention. You have the choice of experiencing it or not, going back to sleep." I turn over and am so comfortable. Think of Nancy, how it must feel to gravitate to comfort. But then attention is riveted. Heart is put on hold. Blood pressure is too great. Circulation stops. I accepted this could be it. This could be my death. Would they find my work on the brain cells?

There are visions of rainboid pairs. Reminding me of when I took acid and saw rainbow edges around everything. Later tried to do stained glass designs of it. That was a valid expression. These are not of architecture but of genes, chromosomes. Are those some colors? Fuzzy, semi-curved, maybe banana-shaped, but more like the tufted seed heads of fluffy foxtail grasses. In non-symmetrical semi-mirroring pairs. Floating. Some larger, longer.

Something within noticed my body was inert. Something within urged me to find invisible ability to grasp or cohere something invisible. I felt I could. Also feeling of a choice. I could move my body if desired. I was rather surprised. Not sure it was the right choice. But I could/would not go back to sleep. Went to web for research.

Khroma=color, soma=body. This was a vision about color body. They appear during cell division. I didn't see mine with a centromere. Thinking about it, with the shorter ones, myriad and the fewer longer ones, it might have been a ratio of five smaller to one longer. The longer was a continuous band. Is this creating different structure of chromosomes?

There are so many ways of looking at this experience. One way was a near-death experience, where I had a choice. One way was a vision of my brain cell evolution. One was a what's his name, the Mexican shamanic writer, C... Castaneda, that spoke of alternate realities and in some manner continuing after death.

I went to web for more research. Chromatin is the substance that can be stained. It is the substance that condenses to form chromosomes? Substance is a word I don't use much. Is it like understanding?

The centromere is the area of linking between sister pairs and the last place to form. Maybe mine didn't link since I didn't see any constriction? That would describe a holomere where the two parts of the pair are linked all along the structure. These are not human but observed in some insects and plants. The word holomere is of course notable. Maybe mine are wholeomeres.

But I'm not sure I saw anything but my own dying. I am having chest pains. Well a couple. Not long.

Was thinking I needed to print the geometric net but I can figure out faces in graphic I think. So I'll name the files according to five faces as I spin the EIEnor CCW. This one will be BV. Next is RV, RO, Y, B.

Another tack (in the sense of sailing direction) would be to redo the cube expansion movie with grayscale cubes and colored pents. But once I have the faces spins, it will be easy to do the carolyoga graphic movie with cube faces of the back in place. Have to change the background. The crystal gray is too much like the cube faces. Could make it orchid?

On my walk I stood and communed with the group of trees outside my home. There is a sense that they are undifferentiated, growing together best they can. Although they could be described as competing for sunlight, air, turf, etc. I didn't get the feeling of rivalry. Then I went in by Windancer. Facing the trunk I grasped tree trunk with two hands. Immediately struck with pulsing waves of energy within the trunk and beyond it. The force and strength was beyond what I would have predicted for the 9" diameter trunk. I felt the vision of the wholeosomes transmitted and enacted mutually. I turned and leaned on the trunk looking straight up at two 3rd floor balconies with no people. But felt the friendship of Windancer. The cambium flow force must be like a 3" ring from the cambium outward up the bark of the tree. I had no idea it was so dynamic.

When did I get the idea that the tiny six gestures after the swirls in Carolyoga could be to the cubes?

2017-11-19

Wholeopen. Is that what is on the pents?

My mind at work is phenomenal. Went to lookinout 2013. Went to mystsynthesis. Communion with deer lichen. EIEbing. Wholeopen.

EIEbing is a unit of awareness with Sirius crystal wisdom inner eye. and is a center of wholeopen, blue galactic vibe regulator. on Wholeo Galactic page. There's some confusion. Is eyebing the unit of awareness and EIEbing the whole model of consciousness? I think so. The model net has wholeopens on the pentagons.

The questions going through my mind are whether I need the rainbow colors to differentiate the pents. Thought was that yes, this spectrum is characteristic of earth thought. If that isn't important, the color wheel is an orderly way to do 12 colors. In that case I could follow this page in using pastels for the five brain cells. Orchid pink, pale orange, light blue, light galaxy green, light turquoise.

Now for wholeo bliss for awhile. Well, bliss always starts with one step. Small steps. Could not decide where to make a page for my solstice retreat. So made it a travel page. Map of cabin area.

I should fill in the pent colors of EIEnor. Those colors will be the only unique address to each face of each cube. I need a way to track the graphics. I have to change back to the blueviolet face for orderly coloring. It is red violet.

One thing I noticed is that each cube face is between two pents. So its unique address is ltBlue.rv.bv. But each pent face has a link to all five cubes. What does each cube link to? Does it work the other way? A wholeopen will have 1 in 12 possible channels to a cube. A cube can channel to any of 12 wholeopens. Problem. Do I need to change the colors to math? 01 red to 12 magenta? Colors in a wheel are not linear like the number line. Is there a circular math?

But the other part of the problem is the cube colors. It might be that they should be shades of gray. Black to white. Dark, neutral, white. I looked for words with different color names from r, ro, o, yo, y, yg, g, bg, b, bv, v, rv. Instead of numbers I'm sticking with color names following the guidance of we will speak in colors. I know they have math equivalents as does everything we know when expresssed in digital world. So the five cubes are d, dn, n, wn, w. So a unique address is w.rv.bv. I think that will have a much greater clarity visually.

Suddenly wondering how the double helix DNA is expressed in math. Why was a model needed anyway?

Thought bops to a friend who posted pix from the beach. Assuming she went there instead of walking with me, mind wonders why. Emotionally is it really necessary to gauge how important you are and how you are being treated? Yes, I think it is part of how humans relate. Inescapable.

Seems my mind has ties to the future. Such as thinking out this model could be useful to people needing something like this.

2017-11-18

Hiked up the trail where I got the guidance and the source video for this movie: Adventures in Expanding Awareness 2017. I point self at dogwood and say, Gettin' that? Laugh at asking camera to record, as if consciousness is recording. Silly comment. 9:41 I can feel that antenna that I drew. And the splurt. And the MET. I don't know what I called them but I can sure see them. Imagine them, that is. What does that have to do with expanded consciousness? Well it's a field of antennas. What I'm working on is the expansion of brain cells (capricorns?) . What I imagined this morning was like the EIE in the U window had strips of 5 colors surrounding the pentagons.

It's great to be living in a place where you have so many memories. So rich. Every walk has reverberations. Then I see the green fern with reverberating leaves. Part of me says I should move to where life is more likely to survive than here. So we have pearl steps and vibes. But I could do it to all earth, hologram. See the leaning trees. The word magical. Everyone's using it. Ends at E Lake. I know I stopped to look at phone at exactly 1 mile. About 9 minutes, Do the brain cells know of 5D, do they know they're supposed to? They can? Be part of the larger array? Just like the MET bodies were part of the antennas, which would help the brain cells form an array,

I wonder at this whole water consciousness. It's like a water world. And we're just these leaves and lichens that embrace it.

I am leaning on tree, hugging. Also stopped for a moment in the gateway. I know I thought a lot about how the water was our reality. How interested my water was to the water in trees, different pathways, but my water to theirs is kind of like two people meeting and greeting and communicating.

Since I learn so much when outdoors but have trouble lingering, decided to rent a cabin for my birthday. Made the reservation.

2017-11-17

Clipped a path to Windancer, my tree friend. I leaned back against the trunk. The high spot of the arch in the trunk fit right into the small of my back where I fan my fingers in yoga. As I closed my eyes I saw this door, way up past the top of the condominium building. Green. Gradually it opened and opened further into many openings going on into green visions. As I did that, I became more and more golden and then at several points we merged with 5-fold consciousness. My body and I got this photosyntesizing power not for myself but to transmit, to have available. Here's my Windancer from this point of view. Love the tree video, the strength of bark.

2017-11-16

Learned something from Grain Brain book: coconut oil does something good that I probably need. However, I still resonate to the fact that I made dietary changes based on the latest research as a young adult. I often updated them throughout life based on the latest research. So every time the grain brain guru quotes the latest research that disproves the previous latest research, I thrill and cringe. It is difficult.

I am highly skeptical that he knows what our ancestors ate. In my view hunters did not catch enough hi-fat animals to sustain people. It was women gathering food, often plants that did it. Mortars, pestles, grinding stones, water-tight baskets are testimony.

I know that fasting is an emotional terror for me. Not only because my mother's testimony argued against it. Not only my own experiences of never enjoying fasting of any kind that I've tried. It is deep down anxiety-producing. I'm skeptical of an intellectual telling the body that I know better than it what to do. I want to follow my body's lead. I am overjoyed that it has so beautifully performed in spite of the conditions I threw at it.

What really excites me about this book is the possibility of brain neuron evolution, the brain's plasticity! Read this on page 201: "It's one thing to give birth to brain cells, but another to organize those cells into a network that functions in harmony. .. We have to be able to interconnect those cells into the existing neural network, otherwise they will roam around aimlessly and eventually die. Learn something new." To me this reads like a ad for doing 5-brain cell invocation, innovation, building, study, ennactment, and realization.

2017-11-15

Jeff Talbert, Laurie Reichenbach (founder of Beach Ambassadors), and Beth Coppedge (founder and president of Friends of South Walton Sea Turtles) presented an evening on Walton County State Parks. I made a video of Jeff's talk and slideshow of his photographs.

2017-11-12

Thinking of a Thanksgiving labyrinth path near my tree. Sitting for dinner there in thankfulness for nature. Realizing it is not just live oak prickly leaves and sharp broken branches and twigs that are problems. It is spiders, snakes, and unknown bites in the grass. Even glass. I guess I would have to do careful clearing of my path. And would that hurt my tree?

2017-11-11

I need to streamline and put my thoughts where they will be of most use. Which involves controlling unnecessary thoughts. Yes, you get noospherey when you are operating at peak. It is not just a balance of hemispheres or intuition or logic. It is whole thinking.

Looking at my tree Windancer. As I gazed, the feeling of roots as teachers, connectors, communicators. Noosphere most of all underfoot. Remembered flying feet first into EIE in UU window. Is that the first inkling of that? Pearl stepping.

Everything is solid. What we see as separate little things. In love where Clare (TreeSisters) has invoked us, there is no dualism of love, no space between. Can I be here all the time?

Today I walked barefoot on the forest trail for the first time in my life. The sand is so soft.

A noosphere is not around outer earth but is under earth crust. This morning on Facebook saw a picture of woman under earth, like men forced her underground and now we are tapping that ancient feminist wisdom. But the noosphere is not political or gender oriented. Had some questions about nature of noosphere. There was the root center of earth, where I anchor to always have a point of reference and grounding no matter where I move. Found some other kind of oosphere. WholeoOsphere. But is noosphere a transceiver? Questions about Akashic Record. This is special case of interconnected live now, being recorded, not yet in the record.

Acknowledging. Being aware. Understanding. Transition. I notice the DNA twists of thin bicycle tire tracks. Pearl stepping. Connect with Leo. Said something about nothing ever being dead, just changing form.

Grateful. Happy. Grateful for understanding. Standing on the roots. I say, "Wholeo Underground?" WholeoOs? Wholeoosphere. Centering point. Akashic oosphere. Is consciousness getting recorded? In a Venn diagram. Akashic Record and Noosphere overlap.

2017-11-10

Working on the EIEnor projection area artwork. At the moment I'm teetering between the past historical introduction to these nodes as WLBs. In a sense my guides and companions in developing from EIE to EIEnor. Their colors related to color healing affirmations. But I've gone beyond in some unconscious way. So do I introduce them which would be huge learning curve for my audience? Is it necessary? Probably not, since I myself have it so embedded. I had a vision of the rose gold surf fading into the pents so they're all rose gold. Movie of the surf flowing in and out. Might have associated sound. It means there is a bigger body of liquid beyond. those nodes. Like tuning into the Noosphere. And the N tuning into the galaxy. Is it our transceiver?

2017-11-09

When leaving from an unsuccessful visit with my friend in Memory Care, I felt this deep hurt. Such a strange feeling. As if there were some kind of organ in my body that was bursting with pain that had no relief, no expression.

2017-11-06

This morning the idea of noosphere kind of went poof. It is just a construct, like consciousness or electricity. Our really useful words are in how it manifests. My idea is that everything when I touch it goes poof.

2017-11-05

I can't go ahead with my artwork. I want to communicate certain qi gong-like practices I have done in carolyoga for years. Now I see I could visualize the framework of the overall 5D Brain Cell Synergizing Composite. But that seems inextricably wound with the Noosphere. I've started to follow links embedded on wholeo.net. One that has captured my attention is http://www.lawoftime.org/infobooth/harmonic-convergence-2012.html. The writing is phenomenal. About the Harmonic Convergence of 1987, he says the wave type meditation established a common unified field, which was a proto-noosphere. What he says about 2012 is even more excruciatingly true today. He calls the cybersphere the pseudo-noosphere. I did not follow this detailed calendar of events. Don't even remember knowing about it. Do not think it was sufficiently communicated, followed or enacted. Thus the weaving of threads is not holding the noosphere in place.

The Rainbow Bridge didn't work for me, but this is valuable, "The idea of meditating the whole Earth, feeling it as a total simultaneity of experience, is very important for the cultivation of noospheric consciousness." Also untying the knots sounds valuable, cleaning energies within ourselves to make time circular around now. Free intelligence, open meditation, tune into cosmic memory, assume personal power, trust self-healing, expand selfless love. But chakras, seals, and symbols seem so contrived.

Reality Sandwich quotes this summary from Jose Arguelles, "When humanity becomes conscious of itself as a single organism and unites to activate the noosphere, we will find the collective resolve and will to reconstruct the biosphere and divert the energy of the human race from a path of destruction based on a mechanized abstraction from nature to a new harmonic order of super-organic reality based on an entirely different state of consciousness than has yet existed on Earth."

2017-11-04

I'm studying the Cosmic Noosphere chart. On Facebook, I've joined a global group called "The TreeSisters Inner Journey of Awakening". There is a weekly guided meditation. Some suggested a Full Moon meditation, which I did.

Notes: Withdrawing all sense from synapses. To the heart. The noosphere heart is like a butterfly wing. With the human heart. Balancing. With feelers. Red and black and white like a Monarch butterfly (on the left where physical heart is). On the right, the wing is galaxy green and orange and lavender and white. The human heart and the galactic core heart redistributing energy patterns. In my hands I hold my heart (both outstretched elbows at waist, arms on thighs). Feelings that I've absorbed seem to be rising out of me. Not needed. I don't know what they are. But they have been holding me back. Pearl. (Long silence. Then gasping and OMG and pain). I had gone from pearl at the bottoms of my feet and symbolist logo association sort of purifying me. I was becoming completely pearlized. It was faintly reaching top hair tips when I opened my eyes and I saw the light (of the candle). I do not wish to have it burning. Do not need to consume this energy. As I bent over, a huge cramp gripped my entire stomach muscles up to my heart. All I could do was sit erect and whimper until it gradually released. So now I'm pretty much waked up. Thinking of "O Christmas Tree", I sing one last phrase. Do I know any other tree songs?

2017-11-03

Notes on proposed ECMS evening. Talk title, "Let's Do It On The Solstice". What I learned from Zen. We're going to do a micro Sesshin. More than one meditation broken with a slow walk. I'm going to encapsulate what I learned about that practice. I'll demonstrate sitting on a cushion and the meaning of the bell tones. When I say "classic Zen" I don't mean coming from Japan or China or Bodhidharma coming from India. I mean what I was exposed to and learned and participated in and adopted from the 50s.

This morning I got the feeling of needing to simplify. Threw out requests for donations. The minute I thought that, it set off this bang of unsimplification. Thoughts of people I wanted to relate to. Things I wanted to do. Pages I want to make. I don't understand that dichotomy. Maybe it's trying to harmonize and find a balance between extremes. Yeah. For me the center is right in front of you (me) in the middle of the frame. I move the camera to center a car wheel hub. But its hard to see it when you're (I'm) distracted by all this, all this, camera zooming out, all this, circling around. It's always right there in the middle right in front of you. That's what the Zen concept of now is.

2017-11-02

Notes on ECMS meditation. Sitting was unique. When getting into pose, I'm aware that tight pants aren't best for sitting. Also kind of hurried because I'm the only one on floor, everyone else is ready to go. So I just sit, wind feet, place arms, open hands, straighten spine, breathe and let go. At the end I realized that all I had done about position was once gently encouraging a wave up through spine neck head. And once gently encouraging left arm to open, to match open of right elbow.

First I realized I was immersed in the thoughts of pre-program social contacts. There was a glue of us, a mycelium of us. A startling thought that what we think of as our bodies, our consensual world is like an emblem on a jacket or hat. Later thinking that these bubbles relate to auras and chakras and other ethereal bodies of literature. But auras are insubstantial, energy, like fog or radio waves. These bodies as I perceived them were what I would consider solid, substantial, real. The primary aspect of us. And the skeleton, blood, and chakras are kind of on the scale of atoms. Our real bodies are overlapping ovals, huge, actually feathered into non-spacial definition.

I experienced our togetherness. Love and gratitude and giving are so much a characteristic of our beings that it can't be separated out except with this little emblematic icons doing their dance. My vision was blurred. At one point I heard singing. It did not seem to be reverberations of heating system but I did not discern a source. I thought maybe Pat had put on some meditative music. Now I wonder if anyone else heard that.

About the mycelium, it was like rootlets, creeping fingers of connection, fine nerve endings and also fringe-like. So there was the cloud aspect and the tips aspect, which seems diametrically opposed but I guess are two hints at physiology of meditation bodies? Or am I getting that those are our real beings that I am only aware of in group meditation? Sudden thought that maybe this local circle awareness in its vividness is a prelude to what Zen describes as original mind where we really are. Our real self.

I didn't speak of the intensity. After first release from social thoughts, attention turned to intensity. It had a particular quality. Intensity had a kundalini-type spasm that was not snake up spine. It was more sphere expansion. Since it was expanded it was a vibration, increasing quality of intensity. More like color changes. Had a wondering thought if I shook the Jello of consciousness in the group or displayed any disturbing epileptic behavior. I had also wondered if I did the singing.

2017-10-31

I have been following and participating with TreeSisters Inner Journey event. Today decided that I would like to have one tree in the forest out back that would be my best friend. So began to look for one with contact. Wondered if there were a certain kind, like oak or pine that I feel akin to. No. I saw several trees I like but none had the special one-ness. As I went up behind our condo building, I thought it would be good to have a friend that I see from my window. There was the one that I had just been working on the page for Caroling's 77th birthday. It seemed so familiar. It wasn't hard to get to. The bark was very rough. It is a tough native tree, bending north. I felt it was sort of chosen for me. I touched and leaned on it. It is a very mediative tree. Not chatty or open. I will have to work on the friendship. Not easy. I noticed the biggest oldest pine that had been my friend before, that got badly burned in the scheduled burn, has fallen. This native, have not found a name, seems particularly strong. Is it a live oak? {Later the name came: Windancer.}

Turning back to leave, I saw a big blue glass marble. Unbelieving, since I had found Geome crystal that day I made the previous photo. Was it placed on purpose? I had to take it somehow. It has a painterly swoosh of green and yellow over the bright blue.

I forgot to say that before the tree I had seen what looked like a little collection of shells. It did look arranged by human hand. But no it was a group of 5 earthballs. That got me excited since I haven't seen any for so long. In about 10 feet there were several more. It was in the shadier part of the path.

2017-10-30

The only downside to rediscovering and reconnecting with my mission and the Noosphere is that I was going to vacuum and wash windows and sort papers and get my nest in order. But now knowing me I will always prioritize mission. I'm sunk. Wholeo symbol so descriptive of human experience. Everything that focuses on something, has a backside, what is unfocused or other-focused.

I keep thinking of Nancy, could she really be the cosmic meditator? So often I've been struck by how the words of Zen can be applied to narrow interpretation of brain dead, not being distracted by thoughts, connecting with original mind.

Whow, wow while making breakfast I got that tingly feeling of telepathic, maybe noospherepathic connection, like I've always been an adventurer. As an artist, I can feel where no man or consciousness has gone before. I'm like a cosmonaut, astronaut with neural pathways, like tethers to space module, jumping feet first, making connections as I go, I'm doing my pieces of the puzzle that has always been the adventure of awareness. Yes I am your baby. Yes, mama awareness I love you and am so grateful to be your every onward child.

Thinking about walks. How I love this wintertime when I can just have mornings for me and art. Almost 9am, almost 50°, I will walk. Part of this vast clunk cloud of inspiration this morning was needing to focus on restoration of DLSP, the connection of the waterways. Need to walk in every way I can and get to what they are doing now. Get a feel for the direction. Today go to site DL05_01 five.one. Went there on 8/27. Stunned at the connections. Had a dream that day of water leaking from above stories and I had not lost my purse, felt secure! Also called 5.1. I saw fringed orchids blooming.

Searching on "noosphere 2017", the first hit is a band named noosphere with Technical Death Metal. Second is nosphereglobal. Noosphere's philosophy is based on the theory of Vladimir Vernadsky. Contribute page has squares, building blocks. My contribution would be to change those to 5D. Wrote them.

https://www.edge.org/response-detail/27068 has what I'm looking for. 2017: What scientific term or concept ought to be more widely kown? The Noosphere. Noösphere, or "the sphere of mind."

Unlike Gagarin, the idea of a Noösphere did not take off, perhaps because of the taint of vitalism. Both de Chardin and Le Roy were attracted to Henri Bergson’s idea that evolution was driven by an “Élan vital," a "vital impulse" or "vital force." Vernadsky, however, was not tempted by vitalism in any form. As a geologist working in the Soviet Union he seems to have been a committed materialist.

 I don't agree with their idea that it needs to be free of the taint of vitalism. Onwards. There are 206 responses. Richard Dawkins. These responses are what I would read if I had time to do it. People often wonder why I don't read newspapers and books like I used to, like they do, my closest friends. It is because this approach of searching gets me closest to what I would like to read if I didn't have to go poop, take vitamins and get out to walk before it gets too hot.

Exciting morning. Tripping off one little insight last night. Like I was building something in yoga. Expanded brain cell. Should note that there are additional little ones (coming back I thought they were alignment, orientation up. And are nubbins of additional outgrowth, next gen.) Thinking of making an annotiated noosphere 2017 list. Pending what happens. The first two good ones I found were focusing on the biosphere and focusing on the impact of biology. Not to follow the "taint of vitalism".

Wholeo puts these together. Wholeo seeks to understand. That's the basic word which is the base word, being under everything. Understanding noosphere. That's the concept of my page.

See a monarch butterfly. Must wonder where your herd is. Butterfly says the same to me. But gosh, I feel so connected. Two ways, up the trees to the noosphere and down through the mycelium the planet to the servers to the web site to the devices to the auras to treesisters. Men. Sure.

Note one goal I have assumed is to elminate God-referenced slang from my vocabulary. Not OMG unless it is gosh or goodness. Damn not.

2017-10-29

Doing yoga, swinging arms in EIE or EIEnor pattern, I had the feeling I'm building this framework for 5D consciousness. Idea that it could be for Castenada's awareness capsule. Idea that it could be blueprint for aura structures I'm building now. But, writing this the next morning, I should amend the 3D orbit movies to fit the 3D brain cell. And make a 5D consciousness overall brain cell. Actually it could be a robot car or vehicle or chair or exoskeleton. I'm needing that word for our global mind (Noosphere).

Beach is where we evolved coming ashore as water creatures. Forest is where we evolve oxygenated. Into the Noosphere?

Consider how I had finished my visionary projects stacked up from Wu to the last movie. Did not know next project. Working on Nancy for interim. And this is it. I need to make a page of links to Noosphere in Wholeo. I think via TreeSisters (a Facebook group) that we need this word. I need to ask them if it is the word. {On a Facebook post, I did and got one Like.}What else? Global consciousness? Gaiamind? It seems to be the link to everything in my world. Even the restoration of the wetlands, connecting our evolutionary path from the beach up into the forest, through the trees and mycellium and wifi of air to the noosphere. Look how the two OOs can be a directional intersection with wholeOOnward. Should celebrate Halloween and the next day for dying of old and celebration of new?

2017-10-26

Suddenly getting this feeling that I read in a description of consciousness about how the brain works in clusters of associations. Maybe our Gaia consciousness did that, associating where we are connected. Joan and Machu Picchu and my picture and her pictures and trips sort of triggered our separate but connected actions. Thinking of the Noosphere.

2017-10-25

Each episode of One With The Wind is poetic. Making movies is such a wonderful exploration of the adventure of creativity. It starts with a feeling there's a topic, a subject, something to be expressed. That usually has a visual carrier wave lasting throughout the project. Say it was when I saw the sand fence in sun one morning and it seemed to represent something I'd been trying to express from a previous vision of galactic beam. Beam fragments. Work progressed through picking favorite photo, isolating slats, putting it in wind movie. Near to the time I saw the poetry of the word "wind" as a pressure of atmosphere event and as a turning in spiral motion verb, I saw the poetry of a sand fence, the metaphor. It only weakly divides, it more gathers its base of sand. In coming apart in the wind/wind, in turning the poetry eludes words at the moment. Sort of speeds up time, the evolution of storyboard. Board, fence. Everything resonates with multiple meanings and consequent exponential associations.

Joan is publishing photos of her Machu Picchu trip from years ago. She cited no experience at the Intihuatana. I linked my page there, knowing now people probably can't access the sun stone directly as we did in 1981. I treasure the writing and pictures of my experience there. To me so valuable. Wishing Joan would read it and be inspired. Fearing that the foreign concepts will be sticking points to readers who don't do selective skimming that I learned reading Bucky Fuller. I need to acknowledge unfamiliar words and concepts have a meaning that is explored elsewhere but I don't need that depth to follow the story, so skim over them. If they do turn out to be crucial because get nothing after skimming, only then look them up. Read for the gist. Reread for the multi-linked breadth.

2017-10-24

On my hike about three unrelated events happened at exactly the same time, which was quite convenient for me. Walking along, I wondered how could that possibly have been coincidental? The instant I thought that, I imagined another voice saying "you know it is all programmed, right?"

Had a lot of fun with Heather McDowell's post of the first panel restored of Wholeo Dome at The Farm. They did a pro job. I'm so thrilled. Then Eda Busby posted that she wanted to see it one day. So I replied with a photo of Eda in whBest108. Heather liked that and posted a fantastic shot of Wholeo dome panels in that building at the farm with a related mosaic. Really trippy. What fun!

2017-10-22

Fires in California are no longer threatening my relatives but I still haven't reached them by internet or phone.

2017-10-21

Itching on top of left hand started yesterday. I thought it was dry skin, not enough moisturizer. But now there is a swelling, about 1" around. Does cancer look like that? I caught myself in an almost joyful hectic spasm of "This Is It, my last days have begun". I'm actually pleased that I see illness and death as a one-way adventure. The last big trip.

2017-10-20

On walk, thinking of "Colors. I had read that most bugs or dragonflies at least can see many more colors than we can see. What the bugs must do is take the frequencies and equate them to light. But there must be wavelengths that are ... I mean I don't think those bugs are seeing colors. Maybe they are. Maybe they interpret it a different way. They see. If they were really seeing light that would be visible to us, since it's in the spectrum. It's analog. Well, if it is digital, it is very fine. And researchers could make a color that would match that. I don't see that information anywhere.

Colored light beings appear in my imagination but not in the real world. Sometimes it seems like maybe whole light beings are there and they're not a color. They can't be represented that way. It seems like I have senses that aren't related to light. But they could be related to information. I'm concerned about representing in artwork. What I do in my artwork is try and represent my deepest experiences. It's a way of communication. Documentation. Representation. And if the colors can't be seen by the eye, what are they?

How we could represent colors without paint? It would be like the dot that shows the location on the map. Radiating out. So red would be contrary, it is a long wavelength but they're pointed right at you so it is a small radiation. I mean going along that linear scale. I'm not sure if that would represent everything about that signal though. But towards shorter wavelengths, radiation would be wider. The most dispersed would be the widest circle. So you would see a field in front of you and you could see the kind of radiation you were going for. But it might have frequency.

2017-10-19

ECMS meditation in a large group. I was the only one sitting on the floor. Instantly ... I sit here trying to get the next word to describe the feeling of going into meditation. Transported. No, I was here, not escaped in any way. Expanded in sensing of reality, my reality. It turned into an experience of the creativity of life. It started with intensity and release of physical movement. The posture is important. Not having bent head is more balanced, everything stacked perfectly. All my cells open, created, meditating with least demand on them. Primarily color. One thing was the carpet thickness and movement. Also twinkling darts of color, colors not seen but felt as color. Not light but heart feelings. Heartfelt. Several times mind descended into thoughts which when I was aware of, labeled, and they didn't persist.

2017-10-17

Cooler temperature is here so I could walk in the woods. Body Bliss. I was aware for almost the entire walk of this whole body joy. At first it felt like coming to a party of old friends and greeting warmly, with a depth of old experiences and associations. It melded, melted into a sense of well-being, nourished by something valuable.

I keep thinking my video clips are like little areas of Rosenquist paintings. Like collages of videos poetically juxtaposed. Like Jim's images. Furthermore, I feel like he's counseling me, helping me to see possibilities, take the leap. I'm incredulous, as usual. But grateful for this association. Trying to make words as simple as possible, while pinpointing the concept steering the vision. Jim didn't do that, but he had the fixed image, such as comb, spaghetti, wheel, not needing words. And he didn't portray a ritual incantation.

2017-10-16

Best eagle-watching day ever. Saw it fly down and sit on the beach for 30 minutes. As it flew back up by Deer Lake, a woman could see where it landed, so I could then get video of the change. Later another beach friend writes, seeing two eagles in the tree where the nest was. It must have blown down in the tropical storm force winds.

I returned from my doctor appointment thinking of all the things I should have said. I must accept it.

2017-10-14

In the morning, Nancy said she'd like to go to see ballet outdoors in a park nearby. In the evening when I came to get her, she was in bed and declined. I know she is not normal but I can't get to who she is now. She seems like a shell of a person who has lost content. Nothing is meaningful.

2017-10-13

On my walk, I did control thoughts, like issues coming up. I said, "interesting but I'm not taking it on". Entire walk had "it's a hard rain" Dylan song playing. When back in kitchen, I said, "is that all you've got? Enough." Soon after, chamber music genre emerged, but with me initiating. That led me to memories of the steeply bowl-shaped Unitarian meeting place, looking down at a stage, and how grateful I am to those deep music roots. Which led to a memory of cousin not accepting that I was in this old building in Minneapolis. She claimed the newer one with seven pools was always there. Now they are called Universalist and are in another building Uptown. Just realized the Wholeo symbol is two U shapes joined at the base!

2017-10-09

Earlier I was flexing spirit coil. Like butterfly newly emerged from cocoon pumping wings. Light is pink golding. I am so lucky to feel so healthy. Such delicious food. Bugs and birds zooming out back. Wondering if it is right to take control of coiling? Spirit coiling? As I did in my painting, there is the overall coil armature. But it is composed of myriad spherical and tubular systems. Where would the flexors or muscles be? Would control emit from spheres or some overall .... I'm seeing the kind of patterns in the what is that light of mind stuff called? Liquid starlight of the mind.

Clouds are fantastic. Very vertical. Do I dare go out there? Tornado? Surveyed Hurricane Nate impact on the beach in Deer Lake State Park. That link is to a Facebook group album. Hope it works for some.

Just remembered a principle I've often (if not always) adhered to in art. Don't finish any one part before the whole. Keep on working on all the parts equally. Obviously it can never happen at the end because I can't work on the whole thing at once, just a part. Painting is easier to work overall than with stained glass. Large works are harder than small.

2017-10-08

Sometimes I feel like the spider. Sometimes I feel like the bee. Sometimes I feel like the flower, hosting all 'round me. I sang what I remembered from Jeff Talbert's comment on his great picture of a flowering plant with a green spider that caught a bee. I think it is a great theme, simple and could make a music video. Sent it to him and got no answer.

At 6:24AM suddenly feeling storm spirit like a giant twistor behind me, with a swoosh of wind and waves and a search light with soft edges and approach. This presence is like transformer armor. I back into it. Step inside. Know stillness within moving pressure power.

Got good footage of the forest wind rain. Best Facebook of the morning is from Michael Sturdivant who went out in the Gulf in the dark evening high tide surf surge. He saw a loggerhead turtle and made contact. So he posted that with empathymedia post about the love gaze connection with a deer and ultimately the whole planet. So I replied: "I've been doing this with the storm whirlwind itself. Fractals of the galaxy, earth, my spirit coil and the delight of all my cells. Shamanically, encounters are both ways and ultimately one." Nobody liked it. I can't get a crowd for my trip.

Later rereading it I got into the centrifugal power, the turning power, and the recycling power. Feeling outward, inward, aroundward, upward forces, powers, movements simultaneous. Ultimate feather power. I did another MCS Message Generator color healing that completed the meaningful one I did yesterday.

Thinking for a movie could use the marching ants technique to show different movement flows. In and out would be two. Right circle and left circle would be two. Up and down would be two. That is six. Light and dark would be two = eight. Large and small scale. The color healing actually spirals from large to small. Two paths could be the right and left sides of the coil track. That would be four qualities (up and down, right and left). Each path could vary from light to dark. Or one path to light and the other to dark. That would be six qualities. Now seeing that the NOAA Nate graphics could be superimposed on my color healing. What would I use for the ants? Same old colored pencil? My color healings? My forest trees and rain? That would be good for audio.

I scrolled backward looking for the URL to the Nate graphics when I saw the synergy of 5 idea. Flashed that could do five thin parallel tracks in the middle of the fat tube path.

2017-10-07

Yesterday I was unsure if I would evacuate or not. Today, I am sure I will stay here because Hurricane Nate is on track far west of me. I woke at 1AM. On a morning walk on the beach. I said to my camera, "My goal this morning is to commune with the wind". The vision I got was the slats of the sand fence. Slanted top right to lower more left, pushing in from the bottom to a CCW swirl.

Like the swirling sand (from the wave water sinking in) which I would channel over my head. I must respond with a clockwise CW swirl of spirit coil, where the talk will be within. Looking out at the west, circling around to east, then up to see where the wind is coming from. Red flags flapping. Hmm, that could be an actual background where I draw my spirit coil going CW and the talk emerging. Still have not comprehended it at all.

Working on a movie of a fish trapped in a tide pool, as it flips desperately back to the Gulf, it is snatched up by a bird. Suddenly I see at the end of the clip, the bird drops the fish, so it might really have survived. Changing fish story.

Wondering if I would rather spend my time on the wind vision movie rather than trying to babysit this fish. Have I ever animated a spirit coil? What comes to mind is that double swirl over Nancy at the end of the last movie. It is open at top, funnels down to narrower focus and is mirror image. I remember a time when had a whole spine of double coils, but were those spirit coils? Just for kicks going to see how a search for "spirit coil" comes up on wholeo.net. Google search of wholeo.net results:

First is the OMlulu spirit coil. Huh?

Second is the development of spirit coils. Huh2?

Wonder in Aliceland: phases of consciousness Huh 3!

Elobeing. Huh 4?

Spirit Coil, which I want to be the first find. See also the other Spirit Coil links in the Index of Drawings. I made a duplicate page and named, titled, and headed it Spirit Coil. That might help it get better ranking in search.

There are about 21 more finds. I found a couple of links from OMlulu spirit coil, that must have upped ranks. Note in Kriya yoga page 4 there is a picture of spirit coils going both ways from top.

Have decided to make this a ritual attention day attuning to winds, specifically Hurricane Nate. I did an MCS Message Generator color healing.

Sometime this morning, I got a later view of ... what's that name when everything is the same at different scales? Like what? Anyway for this it would be the spirals of all earth are like giant spirit coil and my individual one is just a scaled down version. Also each cell has one and there are many tiny ones in different systems in my body. So I can match my coil to the hurricane coil.

Definition: fractal is an abstract object used to describe and simulate naturally occurring object

It is as if awareness is communicating with me because my awareness is a fractal or a scalar model of all. I decided to drink coffee as my awareness drug.

Remembered I and the Universe paintings. Then remembered making 3d spiral models for the MCS color healing. Would need that to match Nate images from the top. It is getting lighter here. Does that mean Nate is losing it?

I used an URL like this: http://www.ssd.noaa.gov/PS/TROP/floaters/16L/html5-vis-short.html to get satellite images of Nate. Thinking of a cross reference page for spirit coil. I'm seeming to just be scattered avoidance mode. I am not going to watch TV when doing yoga. I keep thinking of Leo's last words, "fly like a bird". For him wind was the ultimate environmental choice. He had done deep sea diving, high altitude climbing, skiing, studied biology, bicycled, motorcycled, interacting with our planet in many places, many ways. His way was to navigate the wind.

Chakra Levels in 2014 has spirit coil but Google search didn't find it or I and the Universe. This page doesn't have the words "spirit coil" but the last image is related/derived: Borders Panorama Equinox

I feel like I'm developing 5 concentric spirit coils. Perhaps to go with the 5 brain cells in EIEnor. It does seem logical. When brain cells operate singly they interact with a single spirit coil. When synergistically melded, five coils are melded. That would explain the concentric signaling I've been experiencing. I'm picturing it as nested cylinders. But would that imply a hierarchy of inner to outer based on size and position? Would I want that? Would it be possible to colocate, like all the signals in a fiber optic don't interfere with each other, even in shared space. For starters, not differentiated spatially, just functionally.

2017-10-06

As usual when threatened by hurricane, I'm searching for somewhere to move. The storm forecast wavers and I'm uneasy. Can't even decide where to evacuate if it comes to that. Great moon, yellow flowers and an eagle on the beach photos posted to Facebook. A newspaper editor asked permission to use it. Suddenly I appreciate the eagle being on Blessings Beach, where the flamingos lingered.

2017-10-05

At ECMS I loved meditation. Pat and Ly had said meditation was self-improvement or at best awareness of the kinds of thought you have. As I sat I was momentarily aware that right leg was uncomfortable. At one point released left arm/energy hold. Also at one point recovered from big think about something. Maybe Pat's dragonfly photo or some recent interaction solution. Initially it was Intensity. The gratitude and joy of it. That was the main theme. Blue light. Inhabit blue light where there is no separation. Could also be where we all are. The infinite texture of the blue-lit carpet. Everything is vivid, complex, vibrating with life and light. Several times remembered the feeling of being a spiritual healer, channeling qi. Important that there were so many people there. Several times felt the all-inclusiveness of our intention, our shared spiritual being. Unity of attention. Funny, I listened to Pat's definitions and suggestions, but didn't seem to swerve me in any way. Later someone asked me what the third vice was after greed and anger. I could not think of a negative emotion.

2017-10-04

Answered a question online, asking what do I think of paintings mimicking Michelangelo's Sistine Chapel God creating Adam, fingertips touching? These paintings by a woman portray an elder black woman (in the God position) creating a younger black woman (in the Adam position). I responded in great form. Afterwards I marveled at the sweaty underarms, does thinking and expressing really heat me up? I felt like that kind of expression is the result of lifelong goal, to be a thinker. I dance my joy, feeling as if I had been a sacred dancer in a past life. But this thinking is what I always wanted to do in this life. I felt I exercised the practice anew and well. Like a weight lifter picking up a new challenge, expanding range and ability in new ways. Then wondered if people will get it. Will people value what I said as I wish? And will I feel ignored and misunderstood if people instead want to express their views? And will I view theirs as I would like them to see mine? Note that apparently it went unread. No one liked or mentioned it. Sigh.

I must content myself by publishing my Wuless wonder video.

In the kitchen concocting a wonderful veggie egg dish, I thought of two topics to add to the Facebook rant. 1. I didn't talk about the rendering skill, which is hard to determine from online graphics. I assumed it was well done because I went straight to the meaning behind the brushstrokes. 2. Science fiction often predates scientific discoveries. Or accompanies them. Visions are part of Einstein's process. A dream helped visualize DNA as double helix. Parts of feminism are witches, the Goddess is equal with God. Actually the creator, the great spirit, if having a gender, could be female. Part of my work questions the big bang as a masculine concept and senses more feminine presence or expression of awareness underlying, behind, before any explosion. Could we wonder if it will be black women physicists who probe a united field and unify the disparate worlds of relative and quantum realities?

Must control hurricane fever. The track of Nate comes here on Sunday morning. The computer models have it over New Orleans. I must do publishing today. Blood test tomorrow. Then make plans on Thursday.

2017-10-02

I haven't written about my wonderful morning beach walk adventures, but this is a good story. I just missed sunrise, seeing a nice zap of brightness before clouds took over. Got fascinated with one 4" zooming fish in shallow tide pool. Got video of its struggles. Seems like it finally figured out where the Gulf was and was even flipping towards it on the dry sand. Fate would have it that the waves that washed it up were now not there. Suddenly a bird swooped down and got it.

2017-09-29

I need to write a graduation speech. What? I did Kenwood grade school. Do not have a clue what I said. I did West High School 12th grade. That was important for me, human relations in the world. Also do not know what I said. College, I had to pass an oral exam to get Summa Cum Laude and Phi Beta Kappa. Also do not know what I said. For MFA had only to do a painted and a written thesis. No speech. So what are you/we graduating from/to now? Not life? Is it me? Am I graduating?

2017-09-26

In worse shape about Wu meditation. Had high hopes for better connection with taoist immortals. Called Nancy who just wanted to go back to sleep. She admitted she didn't follow Wu's instructions for meditation. Today she didn't want to meditate. Then I had to seriously consider whether I wanted to do it. For me the instructions are just meddlesome. Do I want a daily practice for myself? I guess not.

Then there is my morning. Saw a 14" big sand-colored ray and walked slow page alongside for a ways. Later much farther east a small 8" one going same way. Absolutely loving the shoreline. Saw two eagles flying inland.

I loved watching Battlestar Galactica Season 1 on the weekend. Online I look at the Season 2 episode descriptions. Hard to believe that I liked this series, reading the story of deception, futility, wretchedness that is the whole thing. Is viewing it completely different from reading about it? I'm not buying it.

Leslie invited me to spiral dance thing where there is group guided dancing. Looks too fast for me and I like to seek out my own guidance. Thrilling to the awfulness of my own discrimination, judging and negativity. How BSG I am.

2017-09-25

I asked my breasts why they were so bulky when they has such a short time of actual service. They said, "We are made of memory foam."

Neijing Tu 7. At Nancy's she sat on the floor, did her traditional bows, looked at the foot of her bed. She rang a bell to start, I started timer. Immediately the field of view, which was the floor in front of the love seat, became wavery. As if under 6" of water with wind dappled waves. But more like brain waves unsettled. Notion that this is Nancy's mental aura. I could not really control it. But I could focus on other things. There was a lot going on but I don't remember it. Timer went off. She rang her bell. After getting up she collapsed on the bed.

We did some talking. She knew it was Monday. We got out of there a little late because I couldn't collapse the walker. Finally put the back seat backs down. Dr. Wu again talked to me all the time. Was glad we had done the meditation each day. Said head bent is to circulate Chi. Breathe it in from all around and get in circulating in body. Then can direct on breathe out. I had not thought of breathing qi. He said he'd like to meditate with us together. Didn't ask Nancy, asked me.

My vision upon start with Nancy's treatment was a whole field of wigglies something like the birth painting, but horizontal. Like a field unrelated to her. First thing after that was recognition of color light spirits, throngs and gangs of them, filling allspace in the rooms. Had a somewhat wandering mind. Also know I had specifics not retained. At one point there was a smudge, like 14" wide squeegee of color from shoulder level to mid-thighs. It was bands of neon, chartreuse, galaxy green and green. I partially looked up and saw Nancy sort of spasming, stomach up and down, head bouncing. Later thought maybe she just had been coughing but don't remember any sound.

Oh yes toward the end had migrated to large circles, kind of Wholeo symbol in their intersections or edge to edge sometimes. Moving from head to toe and toe to head. Along the horizontal plane of the bed.

Later I saw the two little spirals that had appeared previously on 6-15 over her forehead. But they were bigger and stood up over the navel, what Zennies call the Hara.

He said he liked my video. Asked a lot of questions about my doing that and I told him something about Silicon Valley work, SGI.

2017-09-24

Since I watched BSG marathon until midnight last night, I wasn't sure I could do a beach walk. Decided on Santa Clara ramp walk. Fascinating dragonfly mob. At first there was lightning out over the gulf so I wondered if it would come ashore. Wonderful winds. A photo looking west with arch of pink clouds shows the one line of reef. Seems to me that when I came in 2002 Nancy said there were two lines. Wonder if I could dig up photo from that time.

Neijing Tu 6. Meditation. Today at one point I felt like a sequence of 6 or 7 bass, very low, soft but powerful drumbeats. Possibility of warmth. Initial sitting is flashing of thoughts, scenarios, explanations, visualizations. For example can center the heart or assume a point of view where heart is in center, do not like the asymmetry of target over and down from eyes. Breathing ... I've lost the thought. Actually do not think those are interesting thoughts, don't want to recall them, want to let them go. What happened several times is jerking awake to prevent from going to sleep.

The great feather insight. There is no one-way movement. Truism is that for every action there is an equal but opposite reaction. My experience that caused me to remember that law was when looking at the feather after meditation. Each breathing, when direct attention in a certain way, like to heart junction with stomach, is like flowing down the strands of the feather to the spine to the root. At that very impetus and time and flow, attention equally flows upwards and outwards through each strand out to nothing.

Looking at the feather is a soothing impetus to graphic the energy flows.

2017-09-23

Wonderful morning beach walk. Coming south on the sidewalk was a Jack of something playing card. That made it seem like a metaphorical journey. Look for poetry today.

At the entrance a guy with two adorable boxer dogs straining at leashes and two kayakers taking off from shore. When I got to the inoutfall, I became absorbed in the folds of sand where the water was curving around to the east. Here comes a perky southern-accented lady into my field of view saying "I don't know what to do about that". I'm surprised and have the same wonderment as the day has seemed to portend. No response arose from me and she walked on, faster than me. I had not been thinking of any action except maybe a photo. Maybe she was thinking that I was thinking like she was, that the outfall blocks her path from the houses?

She got up the ramp in time to see sunrise which could not have been much since there were no clouds. By the time I got to the end, she was down and well on her way back. I saw one snowy plover, I think dad, and we paused a moment to commune.

Coming back, got even happier about the waveprints on Gulf edge. Then I saw a sand-colored ray. It was about 10 or 11" across and kept close to the edge of the sand. I have not seen rays for years.

I hate having this 9am date for meditation. Makes me feel confined, trapped, under duress. Why do I have to plan my whole morning around it? I'm feeling so trapped by the cockroach I saw last night, anyway. I guess I have to get pest control and my house is so messy and I don't want to clean it up.

Neijing Tu 5. Nancy said she stopped at 15 minutes and laid on the couch. That is she stopped sitting. As if sitting is meditation. But they go together for her.

For me, what happened? I blended the white, black, and yellow ball. A deep, dark blue ball came to join. The energy was kind of like a dialog cartoon balloon. Large balloon in and pointing exhalation. Worrying about pathways and frequency seemed to be visited once and not repeated. I remember a series of trills. Tiny vibrations. Thrumming. Tiny groups of them. This came rather near the last part. Bending head was a more difficult practice. Not sure if maintained but declined in importance.

2017-09-22

Early walk on beach. Coming back I began to walk on the sunlit wave bas relief scalloping writing along the edge, where waves have left their profiles. It seemed like the most delicate, privileged way anyone could walk. Like you might fly to Barbados for your honeymoon to take such a walk. Like the Queen's private beach was kept so only she could walk in that beautiful place.

Neijing Tu 4. Nancy agreed to meditate. My meditation sure is teaching me some things. Or rather showing me problems. I have an awful time with bent over head. Double chin is uncomfortable. Seems like the air passage is bent so there is more friction. Here I go with laborious details. That was the major point of my difficulties. How can I keep breathe in undefined and then suddenly be a body with a location? I saw no colors except green for awhile. Thinking color it green. I had a visual trough from nose to heart. I had a bang, straight-out radiation radiants (short struts) from heart on impact of breathe out. I had a circulation breathing out to heart around on breathe in and back down towards heart.

2017-09-21

Neijing Tu 3. I frequently have to bow head again, having straightened it up. Seems hard to fully breathe with head bent. I noticed I usually breathe in and lower belly out. Breathe out and lower belly tucks in. Easier to have head bent on breathe out.

Again I kept changing the visualization. For first third did not see a target and wondered about the size. Could just do a circulation always ending at the heart node. But no, that's getting ahead of the game. I had some sense of being a landscape. Then I felt I wasn't fully deeply breathing in. A longer, extended inhale allows upper lungs to expand out. Holds between in and out extend air/prana contact and focus. Didn't or couldn't keep to extended versions up very long. Not sure if because forgot or wasn't getting enough air or correct mix of in/out. Best not to overthink, just in and out to there. At about 14 minutes felt distinct vibration in heart node area maybe 3x5", not a point. Wondered if vibration was my way of feeling "heat". Asked "What is this?" Answer "It is this and that." Laughed out loud. After that the vibration stopped and did not return.

If anything, the node is a cluster of white, yellow, and black balls ( 3 total). Not sure, but had feeling I was getting a little warmer all over. Eating breakfast, still feel that way.

After tending to car, went to visit Nancy. Blinds closed, lights off, she's lying in bed. She asked me to leave. I reacted emotionally, said OK, turned on my heel and left. I was hurt and disappointed. Like me, vowing it's over, will never be friends again, so long. Knowing that Nancy is sick and not meaning to hurt me, not able to be considerate. Knowing that I could have diplomatically been there for her but not knowing how.

At grocery got coffee and salad. Ate in car. Driving to library the whole eastern sky was dark gray. One lightning seems to hold for awhile. It was amazing. Did some computer at library.

The Topsail Hill Preserve State Park preliminary public meeting was an experiment in getting public input before writing the 10-year update to the plan. It will take at least until next year to do it and then they'll have the meetings as for DLSP. It was an interactive mess, fun, put stickers on survey, stickys on map, answer questions on whiteboards. I left early to get to ECMS meditation meeting. It was well-attended.

2017-09-20

Nancy called, wondering what day it was. Although I told her several times, she does not remember it the next moment. She did agree to the meditation "prescribed" by Dr. Wu. That went well. However at dinnertime, she called again, thinking it was breakfast time

Neijing Tu 2. My experience was much different and more committed this time. Lots of thoughts but mostly related to the process and visions of the location. At least the time got lost and when over, it seemed like it had been short. That is, I lost track of caring about time, which is a big feature of meditation for me. Tracking breath, it seemed like I was breathing for walking and could slow down. Don't know if I did. I saw the small round ball as target below heart. For awhile it seemed easier to just center at a point there and expand the outer circle of consciousness to around or beyond on breathe in. For starters breathe in in undefined area, but more around my face and eyes as it is normally, with a zoom down at an angle to the heart center. Above breathe in, down to below breathe out. There were variations on locations.

At first concerned with head angle. remembered another Dr. Wu command, tongue tip resting on roof of mouth. When he had told me that, I wondered at my memory of Pat Carlyle saying to release the tongue from there, which seems a more relaxed position. Then thought of the Buddha in Marilyn's garden where I had wondered if that was the head angle Wu wanted. Thought of bringing that photo to Wu for his answer.

The color of the dot was black or white or yellow maybe. But the surround was usually aqua, light turquoise which I realize is breath to me. Once there was a sensation related to heat but that's what I remember, knowing it was related, but not heat. There was a slight consideration that heat could be destructive, cooking, emotionally elevated. I think my aim is to channel consciousness, in the moment concentration, to something. I'm not sure this is in the body. More like a non-local energy center, that is kind of energy. but it is a kind in and of circulation.

I went to Facebook under duress from my better self. I'll just stay a minute, I pleaded. An hour later, I have escaped. Worse than New York City!!!! I did get the Rickey Turner visit page finished today.

2017-09-19

On the beach this morning, a unique experience. About 12' ahead of me as I was walking at the edge of the water, suddenly there was a big fish. Fins, I thought sand shark. Was about 3-4' long. Thrashing, crashing toward the sand, turning back out and gone. I quickly moved up on the sand away from possible shark attacks. It reminded me of nature TV movies of Orcas hunting seals. Maybe dolphins too, risking getting stranded by chasing the little fish to the edge of the water. Later a couple was walking east and the guy said it was a dolphin. I did see a few dolphins fishing out by the reef.

I sat to meditate about 2:30PM. Nancy didn't answer the phone. Neijing Tu 1. Kept going to sleep. Heard an inner gong 1 minute before timer reached 20. I saw various small hard balls. That could have been trained by Tibetan Buddhism Dreamwork yoga years ago. Black, yellow mostly. White. Started out with background generally red, orange, peach, intense colors. No feeling of heat. I cannot meditate when thinking. I find noticing breathing with this visualization to be an act of concentration. Doesn't feel free like my meditation does. Feels tethered, working, following directions. I sat on cushion, not chair. Neidan is Internal Alchemy (elixir). I guess I'm doing this because I've never had a teacher before. Never thought that I wanted one or could tolerate one. The thought in my head was "when the student is ready, the teacher will appear." So I'm finding myself in a pattern that does not seem to require that I extricate myself. I also thought of my work with Tibetan yoga of the heat. I did try that somewhat long ago.

2017-09-18

Took Nancy to Dr. Wu. Gave him the location of the video of my visions. After Nancy's treatment, he said I should do a Taoist meditation with Nancy every day. It is called Neijing Tu.

My visions were gray neutral water. like a lake or pool just endless medium everything. There was, however, a thin tube leading up to a bright water lily above with white, pink, and yellow hints, lively, dewy. I felt I had a connection to the light but Nancy seemed entirely submerged and unaware. This was something like the gray cloud in the original series. Gently modulating, undulating with no specificity. This went on for a long time. Later I got a new view that there were tiny colors in the DNA/RNA genome sequence strips of color parcels. These channels and branches and networks were there in the gray but now being colored. I think they were marquee lights, marching ants. There was a next stage of that, a next step, but I can't picture it. But I think the networking filigree spread up above the water and was light borne to revolve to the upper right lily and back down into the water, forming a continuous circuit. That is speculative in some way. There was more as time went on. But I made less effort to record it.

Biggest conclusion of the morning is that I need to let go of the importance of my reality. When Nancy wanted to show me her room, she thought I had never seen it before. What if I had just passively accepted her need and let her show me around and stopped being such a know-it-all?

2017-09-17

Gradually coming back to life after paying enormous energy debt for the trip. I had a beautiful panorama of what would be a great site for Wholeo Dome at The Farm. Facebook is the only place I know to view it as taken on iPhone. I posted there but soon took it down due to the controversy it generated. I can't bear it and it isn't appropriate for my art audience. Let The Farm forum be on its own pages.

2017-09-14

Drove home, sad to leave but glad that Hurricane Irma had not had any affect on my area.

2017-09-13

Prepared the EcoHostel visit web page but was unable to publish from my laptop. In the evening I showed several of my recent movies to my hostess, Sharon Wells. She loved them. Especially gratifying was her enthusiastic recognition of the acupuncture visions as like her own experiences.

2017-09-12

I went to the weekly meeting of the crew that Marilyn Harris has assembled to take on the restoration of Wholeo Dome. Afterwards we went to the Ecovillage Training Center, which Albert Bates now prefers calling The Farm EcoHostel, not just training. There I met Albert, who has provided storage space for Wholeo Dome. He says that the dome will probably be rebuilt, vacating the space by the time he needs it. I realize I'm like an abused child. Although I would love to see Wholeo Dome rise again, my hopes are mired in doubt. See a web page about our visit. My legs are blazing with a hundred chigger bites that feel like a thousand.

2017-09-11

We visited Rickey at Turner's Glass Art Unlimited. See a web page about it. He somehow has intuitive grasp of Wholeo Dome. Absolutely loved the way he described his experience of it.

2017-09-09

Woke at 3AM, saw hurricane forecast lines farther west and decided to evacuate. Was out of there at 6:30. Didn't get to The Farm until 4PM. 9.5 hours. I'm blown away that I am such a well-treated guest.

2017-09-08

Dream: It was about an artwork I've been working on. Has to do with relative speed. My image is of the middle of a horizontally-oriented rectangle, a faster speed from right to left. The background is of smaller textured items where as the stream flowing through the center is maybe enlarged particles blurred. Shape and color were not features. The point was the relative speed.

2017-09-06

When one of the biggest and worst hurricanes is headed toward Florida and the forecast is that it might come my way, I can think about little else. By next week I'll know if I stayed, evacuated for a few days, or have lost my home and need to redo my life, thanks to Irma.

2017-09-01

Visions! Walking outdoors, I started doing pearl stepping. Realized I am a seeder. I could see rainbows all around the horizon in the SW, seemed like visions, not scenes. The idea of implanting evolutionary mindset into the earth. Thought of the sticky feet of Leo and how his traversing of oceans and peaks, E-W, N-S and different cultures, diversity made him a great messenger of transformation. Then went to the eclipse drop and saw it was hovering like a weather station with the higher emotions transforming like lightning. There has been some evolution from spirit coil because of connection like made at eclipse and having been fostered by meditation. Then saw the peak point and how it tapers to seemingly nothing because there it is not a spacetime time. Not dimensional. Not frequency-oriented or temporal. So why does it become so in a drop? Popdrop? Searched web for popdrop and for Google it is a bluetooth speaker.

2017-08-30

Singing Turkey in the Straw, curlicue dancing, remembering stylized dance of Lorde at MTV music awards. I wonder if I'm having my own private rest home and dementia. Or is it artistic evolutionary creativity? We probably will never be forced to know.

2017-08-28

Nice to hear from someone who was moved by the eclipse in deep, perhaps transformative, yet indescribable ways. This suddenly opened creative changes.

Did galactic color mrune healing for Eclipse Drop Up, thinking the eclipse is just a metaphor for aligning thoughts and purpose single-mindedly. Down in the lower left corner yellow with 26 trip mrune. Up opposite as if in alignment a lime foam green like blissed galactic ally green is 22 time. Healing has a definite red-violet cast.

Sunset at 7:11pm tonight. Should I go early and meditate? Leave at 6:15 or so. I went early and the turtle watch people came early. Swarms of black biting flies made this the shortest turtle nest recovery known.

I need to change my blog to lavendar and turqouise and green. I could try a page with background of lace of fringed orchids. Beauty berry clumps are abacus stops in time. Make a column up. Use the thrasher sounds and the cricket sounds. Crickets I will have to slow down to hear the change in rhythm.

The drop now is prana. Need to align that with drop of pineal. Seeing prana drop like the higher emotions pattern. I definitely have green patch on my arm. Photosynthesizing? I'm trying to find words in my journal about the images in the movie Shift Happens, which was published on a page 2013-01-13. But the graphic still of the pineal drop at the bottom of the page is from 2013-03-13.

The first extra cup of coffee that I made into a lame fuzzball in the millennium cup came with this wonderful visioning high whizz. Now on a second pour through getting the caffeine jitters. What to do?

Can I make a table with different colors?

Different text needs to be turquoise. Look at this graphic from this page: Homage to Frank and Georgiana Burt that links to a color altar page with this graphic .

2017-08-26

A turtle nest in DLSP hatched. I was entranced by the embroidered strips of dozens of tiny turtle tracks over the sand to the water.

2017-08-25

Daily eclipse work on hold due to blooming white-fringed orchids, the result of the second year of restoration in Deer Lake State. Park. Remember the Beam Team? That's Wholeo spirit and the spirit of Beam (my car), off on another adventure, which could only happen with our collaboration. Remembering on the way back, spotting it way ahead on the road back in the PWSF. Then every time I saw it again, it seemed farther away. It felt like I was going backwards. I guess becuase my hope and expectation was that it would be closer, I hadn't walked very far but my thirst and fatigue were exponentially increasing. So the end math result was negative. The final trial was as I was putting my hiking poles in the hatchback, a mosquito wandered in. I stashed the poles fast, yellling at top of lungs of get out of here. It avoided all my swipes until finally it flew out. Slam trunk. Jump in car, whipping door behind me. Fear of chiggers was huge. I noted on the way down, wondering how many chigger bites each wonder was worth? Soon, the tally was beyond count.

2017-08-21

On eclipse day the weather forecast was for thunderstorms right up to the time. We planned to set up in the kiosk for roof protection. All morning I compiled the moon eclipse portal photos.

At noon I meditated for 15 minutes at home. I made a ritual out of it. Lighting sage and wafting it to the seven directions. "Thanking universe for this opportunity. May I make the most of it. Make me transparent, as much as I can be."

Lighting a white candle. "For living beings ..." Lifting salt water. "Take this ritual water with salt from the Great Salt Lake in Utah, that Leo got for me". Putting water on body energy centers. "Inner eye, throat center, heart (rubbing inner wrists together), earth, death. All is aligned with the great planets that rule our world. We go around the sun. We go around our self. The moon goes around us. So that's all going around me and it and all beings. All the consciousness of this earth. All that is aligning up with the sun right at this moment. Ding bell (big one). Galactic center column overhead. Earth core down through my spine. Picture every cell is wanting to get in on this. What a bunch of jokers we are."

Breathe out first of all. All the way out. Open to the new spirit coming in. May it not be rooted ... it's not building blocks. It's just contingencies. M ake it equal out in the moment. Every moment equal. Past moments always now. ...

I'm thinking of the future. Imagining what it will be like sitting in the kiosk. Will there be other people there? All these concerns that I'm not going to change. My first insight of the day was to control those wandering thoughts. It's an old adage. Old wisdom. But when you are really going to do it. It's like you never heard of it before, because you (I) never really did it.

That's the second message of the day. Ability to change in my own creativity I can and aid the creativity I see before me. Whether mine or someone elses.

Nancy, going to the dentist, maybe even leaving now. May she benefit from this alignment and get some sense of the cosmic forces involved in her brain being. May the flame of the spirit not waver in the winds of desire. Flame of spirit.

Chanting. Om Namo Guru Dev Namo. Gate Gate Para Son Gate Bodhi Svaah. Om Namo Shivaya. La La La La La. Remember to listen to the crickets. The insect calls. Is like grains of sand. Crystal. May it come into my crystal, Geome. May it come into my surroundings, the rest of my life. I'm so grateful for this alive moment.

Meditate until the drop falls. The drop is falling. The drop of prana. I started that song in my head. Before that there was no song. Awareness. Name. Awareness. Breathe in the moon. Breathe out the sun. Breathe in the sun. Breathe out to the moon. Within the cosmos. The sun right in the center of the galaxy. This tiny drop. Glistening. Essence drop like glass like sand before it is glass. Like sea water. Doesn't know it is drops. {Nice tongue clicks.} Chanting. I hear an entire cosmos team chanting with me. OhMigosh it dropped. end of the land. Ground. I should go.

I got to Deer Lake State Park at 12:30. I'm elated, absorbed, and astounded by everything. The Z-shaped energy yang cloud formation in the south. In a bush there was a mechanical chuck, chuck kind of sound, finally figured it was brown thrashers. Soon Lori was there. Her camera filter didn't work. She gave me eclipse glasses that really were great for looking at the sun. Looking up, the moon is well over the sun, eclipse is underway. My camera just got a blast of light, could not see eclipse. No luck with the iPhone as described online. Couldn't aim it without looking. With glasses on, too dark to see a phone. However, at the very end, when I thought sun was all hazed over, I looked up, right at the blast furnace and got a distinct image of the half-eclipsed sun. I could have burned retina with that I guess.

How fabulous that not only did it not thunderstorm, we actually got good sun. I adored the crescent patterns in the leaf shadows and set up a camera to see how the flickering patterns came and went as the light change. Another looking at the dunes for changes in the light. Maybe got the difference although we couldn't really sense it. Another to record meditation, if necessary.

Loving the cricket chorus. Beauty berries. At 1:31 the crickets stop. At 1:37 I start meditation.

I'm so happy to be here in these clouds so incredibly beautiful. What happened was the column connected up and then it was just a meditation. Then I realized the drop was a drop up. It connected with every other drop in the whole multiverse. Everything was supremely, completely melted together. I haven't had a full on completely over the top color experience for a long time. It bloomed out of a small indistinct light blue patch, into lavendar, fuscia, and became a vast swimming pulsating completely varying color garden. Do I have to accept that there is nothing I can share about these meditations? They are valid and the very best part of my life. But at the moment there seems nothing to communicate.

Saw a fence lizard and a huge boat out in the Gulf.

2:50PM, I'm home, sweating, worn out but blessed yes blissed out. I think I got three things today, guidance wise during the initial and second meditation. Control wandering thoughts, change in creativity, and drop up.

2017-08-18

Took the photo of the morning moonscape with Gemini, Venus, near-crescent moon, Orion, and Sirius on my way to Blessings Beach. Since 8-07 I have been watching the moon's progress each morning that I can be on the beach.

2017-08-17

Preparing for the eclipse on 8-21. Also happy that Ted Pirsig is here for a couple of weeks to tend to the needs of his mother, my friend Nancy James.

2017-08-16

Sometimes I wish I had only six months to live. Then I could try all the vices that I missed because I didn't want to live on with them. Then if I have to make a list how would it go? Killing someone. No that would be too hard. Overeating. No, I've tried that many times and it doesn't bring the satisfaction imagined. Same with drinking too much alcohol. Maybe driving on the freeway and turning my car into traffic coming the other way. Whenever I think of it, I hear the crash, the screech of metal, the tinkle of breaking glass and feel the pain. No I don't want to feel the pain. Another one is being under the skylight in my dome Bump with a candle burning, just go to sleep. Slowly the fire spreads and I'm enveloped in a whoosh of flamable plastic foam, toxic fumes and forest trees in a great torchlight. Also too much suffering. Or based on my good credit I could book round the world tours in luxury hotels with journeys with shamans in Peru that of course I could never pay back. This is getting better. Might even morph into a plan.

I attended an online shamanic event led by a Peruvian shaman. I put my notes on the eclipse meditation page.

2017-08-15

Visions of Beyond the Frame taking up 5/8 of the screen vertically. That is either I've moved up or it has come down farther. All the way across horizontally. I'm doubting if I can just receive. Seems like it is a mutual exchange or simultaneous innovation. Looking for the word in music where you don't play by score, you just play. Improvise? There isn't much of a RCV-XMT dichotomy. It just happens. Seems like there were levels or louvres. But it is so little a visual thing. Visceral.

2017-08-12

Beam dreams

Tuning in. Helmet with point tapering up top. Beam stream on both sides, splitting around the point. Like spire of Chrysler building. Later walking back started thinking how really I see in 2D. I imply depth by perspective, overlap, light patterns. But since my visions don't have those parameters I see a cross-section. Thinking that rather than 2 streams to each side, it may be more or several or all around unbroken. Or in more D it doesn't look like that. At the time thought, that is, wondered if the middle is my response thread up. Or maybe receptor.

Later the stream rounded out and around to middle of torus, that is outer equatorial ring of torus. And became like the caliper vision that had previously. That was from the side so entered or touched head top and foot bottom. The calipers all around the edge of the torus.

When almost at end of walk wondered if I had to have a developed aura to hook up with beam. My first thought was that I only became aware of these structures over a lifetime. Second to that was not knowing if I built them or just discovered by becoming aware of basic setup of humans, native. About that is the wondering if mine are unique customizations or typical of a level of consciousness or age.

2017-08-11

Studied the angular patterns in the beam (graphic).

2017-08-10

In Deer Lake State Park, coming up to the ramp, thought to tune into beam. And saw a variation of the Mt. Shasta and the Galaxy People cover beams. Less angle, coming from left, but with the angular pattern in it. That became a depth sculpture, changing proportions, as if walking through an architectural maze construction, changing angles. Thought I should study that more. I should simplify my life to focus on this more.

At home, focusing, I found a page called Galactic Beam In Multiverse. I need to get into that drawing.

2017-08-09

Loving my movie. Visions come like vibes. Unexpected discreet packages in series. Patterns emerge like tweets from the beyond. Tuning into angles, going on.

2017-08-08

Beyond vibe vision was of spiral descending from right down to left, I think. So I thought I could respond, from bottom up, going the other way. (graphic) Should I do animations of recent visions. Like yesterday's brain zap and today's spirals?

2017-08-07

"Full moon lunar eclipse opening double eclipse portal until the new moon solar eclipse on 8/21." Who said that? Today there is a partial lunar eclipse visible in Europe, Asia, Australia, Africa, South America, or Antarctica. Event lasts 5 hours.

Last night was one of those bulgy stomach, unsleeping for hours times. Finally reading WIRED, then looking up http://neuralink.com where there are jobs listed. Facebook page is newsy. Not too much info about what they are doing but it is a brain/robot interface. They listed several other companies who are also doing this research.

On my dawn beach walk I talked to the camera about my experience which as I remember was a beam wind side-swiping down from the right. Low to ground. Not really aimed at me. During meditation, which wasn't really meditation, it was as if I'd never done it. Just sat there. Kept looking at the camera for the red REC light, to know it was still on. Looking at horizon for sunrise changes. I did get a vision of the beam being, greened. In cahoots. Now to listen to what I said.

"6am. I feel spikes. Like 12 or 9-inch long. Spikes all around that are sensors. Wind. I don't know if that's the beam or not. It seemed to be aligned with the wind. It's coming in from the left (wrong, it was the right) swooping down to the ground. Seems like my spikes had to tune into that. They are all around so no matter which way this beam wind is coming in ... (spike will align)."

Mid-morning at the computer, I nod off. When I wake up my body is like an electrical storm. Little sharp binks, numbness, dull aches, turn off and on unexpectedly in different parts of my body.

Watching galactic sync movie, I want to redo it as the greening of the beam.

Afternoon: I got cold like getting a fever and put on sweatshirt. Climbed into bed. Think I did sleep some. Then got this massive brain blast with lines of zapping snapping sizzling signals that banged together in the middle, caused a brain crash then retreated out quieted down. I can't tell if I'm getting signals due to tuning in. Or if I'm having strokes. Or if I have indigestion. The image is a rough sketch of four stages of the crash: 1. grid, 2. cohere, 3. fires (smash), 4. Reassemble.

2017-08-06

Beyond. I just got that it is coming down at a slant. Snaking along the ground. And then actually coming down and then coming up. This was not a real long time but gradually ... I went into ground . But the picture that I got that I related to is vibe language vibe that comes straight down then curls into a spiral at the bottom in the original vibe coloring book. It was like I would tune in serially.

It's like pearl step, pearl pearl step. It's coming up through my feet. This whole area is going to be seeded. And available to people. It's really Blessings Beach++. Eventually it is divided. I can see three (strands) up and three down. Coming like calipers. Coming to the top funnels to eventually coming to a point. Same on the bottom.

Looking at the Psyche Power graphic from Vibe Coloring Book, I'm shocked. I remembered it curling the other way. That is coming down from the left and more of an angle. Not curling away from me. Eventually waving towards me. Final thoughts about this is that everything seen today was not galactic. Either beach walk or nowhere. No the ground was important. Now I will gather all beyond transmission guidance clustered to the first on 7-25.

2017-08-04

Thinking about a post on the Facebook Asemic Writing page in strings of beads of different sizes, frequency. Color of gold, silver black or white. They reminded me of vibes. I should share my vibe writing. But main thread this morning was about straight parallelogram shapes vs round shapes. Seems like the round is some kind of expansion. But I can't see the transition. Can't see bulgy vibes. Can't even see the shapes combined. All I can see is that a vibe can turn into a bead instantaneously. A bead contains all possible vibes. So it is possible that a sphere bead could contain a message. Such as a sentence.

Wow, when uploading photos to asemic writing, looking at Vibe Person, the Monte Rio drawing, I see there are round as well as angled vibes.

2017-08-02

Beam baby beam. Isn't it significant that I got up early that day (7-25), without a plan, had time to meditate, and the beam came on strong without a single indication from me?

2017-08-01

I wrote this email to the five people on the Board of County Commissioners for Walton County:

Please vote no on any roads through the state forest or the state park. The areas where you are proposing a road are where I walk. Furthermore the BP oil spill grant of $3M to restore the forest in Deer Lake State Park for water quality of the entire watershed will be compromised by road construction and use.

In 1996 retired in Silicon Valley. There are large tracts of public land there, always somewhere to be out in nature. I searched for a place to relocate and found it here in 2002: good air, beach, lake and forest.

In 2007 someone made an Eastern Lake Road proposal along the power lines. A forester (Tom Beitzel?) took South Walton Community Council members for a walk on 4/14/2007. Notes say that the land under the power lines is not destroyed already. It is early successional stage. There are several imperiled species in that area.

If you did a time-lapse video of 395/30A for a year, I believe you would find it traffic jammed about 1/8 of the time during a day and that would be for only 1/3 of a year. The rest of the time traffic flows. Can't we modify behavior to not all do everything else when tourists are on the beach?

2017-07-30

What I call a "beam" has been on my mind since the visions on the Day Out of Time, 7-25. Almost immediately I identified the vertical bars not only with the beyond visions, but with the galactic beam. The first contact with this image or transmission is on the cover page of Mt. Shasta and the Galaxy People in 1979, where the galaxy angle is reversed in the human egg. Another place it comes up is with the Galactic Beam Sync in 2013.

On dawn walk, as often happens, I opened up to the beam when coming down from the ramp top. I talked to my camera. I thought I'd tune in. Sure enough, there was a beam coming down from the left. Coming towards me. Parts are coming off towards me and up. Straight vertical strips, like a sand fence, overlapping. Like a Morse code. bop beep dduu du, bop, there's a rhythm to it. It starts and stops and goes bink, disappears. when it gets near the galaxy (aligned with but up close) in the picture I'm working on. It does seem to be in those green gold colors of the sea oats. Could use those images without the fronds. Just the shafts and colors.

These images continued and evolved. Eventually curving in path to left, over my left shoulder. Then gradually waving back and forth. At one point a smaller rivulet springs up waving at me like a whip, curvy zig zag. But the larger one seems to be stabilizing, folding not too far left or right.

I sure am enjoying wandering in this video making. I just put evER node in there. {Note, my father - Iver and mother - Ev, together, I call Ever. A drawing I did of them has evER and ivER nodes.} No idea why I'm using them as node hoppers, when it was my experience. Is it that I am the embodiment of a lineage? I get the peculiar sense that we aren't separate. I am them talking to themselves. When dead. Or out of space. or Time. In beyond, my limitations of earthiness just don't hold.

Just witnessed a dragonfly fight out back. One has a perch on the highest dogwood spike (a bare upright branch) that I can see. Another approaches and to me it looks like territorial battle. "I've got this, get out of here" and the chase swoops out of site. Soon lone dragonfly on spike again. As I'm typing this, it zooms off up into the blue and two are seen tumbling around. One flies off, the other returns to perch.

Am challenging my assumptions. Maybe the perch is to steal food from others, rather than to get the best bugs. Maybe the first encounter was a love fest. One thing for sure, dragonfly culture is a major entertainment feature of my view. I got interested the first year I was here, when I was a prisoner indoors for all of August, having so much trouble with Florida's environment. It seems to me that the dragonfly theatre season used to start much later and last a shorter time. This year they've been at it even in June.

2017-07-26

Today is called the Galactic New Year by the Law of Time. Sirius rising. Followed a bookmark to a current time local view sky chart, where I verified that Sirius was just rising at dawn yesterday.

2017-07-25

From the Law of Time website. "It is time to prepare for the Day Out of Time! Create a festival or meditation to invoke the Highest Dream. Create art. Make Planetary Vision boards. Invoke the experience of what it is like to once again live in tune with the harmony of the Universe. Let's use this day to consciously focus our intentions to generate and extend healing vibrations of universal love and acceptance to all beings." How about making it the Day Out of Space? Would have any better luck?

Early wakeup shortly after 3AM. So was out for walk almost an hour before sunrise. Dark, quiet, solitude. Magnified sense of beauty. Was up on top of ramp well before sunrise so I sat to meditate. Video on camera, too. As the sun glared forth over the trees, I stopped. Recorded as I walked along.

What happened was so wonderful. Worth it. I zoom in on a feathery cloud above and beyond a row of cloud mounds. The sense of beauty gets magnified. See moon. And I said to awareness, that even though I find life hard and so difficult to manage, there are times like this that I'm so grateful to be divided out here and now. Such joy. It's like, seems like that's the purpose of the whole thing, for awareness to come out and experience this joy in some unique way, with full intensity. As though we are the one awareness. There was a feeling of the galaxy people too. I've been having that all morning. Then there were these nodes formed from me to the sun to the galactic center to Sirius. They were the vertices of a tetrahedron.

Camera catches this golden fine filigree of cloud glowing. Is that the moon? Yes, a faint delicate white sliver blending into the misty clouds.

Myers' south wind of the Four Winds art print seemed to be like a node of the tetrahedron. O if I had world enough and time, I would make a movie, with the Four Winds as the four nodes. Then it occurred to me that last year I was going to go wholeOOnward and beyond all this space stuff. Before that there was a feeling about time. If space is digital there is no analog continuity. There's no time there's just different nows. That's been explored before.

As far as being beyond, the galaxy people, vertical bars. Last year I had horizontal and vertical. But this is more of a slant. 8 or 15°. In the middle was the blue and fuchsia of Ever. My parent colors. The eternal part of them is in there. In the center. I thought of the awareness being the green and the wonderful scintillating sand, it must be in video, of the two plovers. I was noticing in the photo this tiny glitter, sequin, crystal brilliance. It is the nature of our sand. I could color that green. That's kind of how awareness is, granulated.

Oh, I could go from the different nodes. I was at Sirius. First I went to the sun, (Being of the Sun picture should be in there too), acknowledging my sources. I thought about ... sun, Sirius, center of galaxy. All the while it was like, in a sense, it's not me. I'm just the observer of this adventure.

Walking back I became obsessed with the green golds of the sea oats and grasses and forest beyond, above the gleaming white sand and in front of the darker sky. I tried to express this vision without success. That is, none of the photos expressed the colors, beaming the green of my perception. Here is an example of the elements.

Spent some time investigating the Center for Spirituality and Sustainability, which was designed by Buckminster Fuller and a co-architect. Even looked up driving directions, camping choices and places to stay in and near Edwardsville, IL.

2017-07-22

Janie Fitzgerald posted the source file for the QTVR of Timothy Leary's home that I saw in 1996, when he was promising to die online. That is, that he would make his death an online celebration. He didn't continue posts to the very end. That might have been due to his caretakers. But I have been disappointed that they did not maintain his site online, as I understood that he wished it to be.

I'm planning to use carolyoga footage as background. Publish in segments, a pose a week. Embellish with drawing, photos, flashbacks, narrative, closeups, anything to communicate what goes on.

Here's the script that just ran through my head. Carolyoga Selfie on <date>. I'm bulgy, do not do perfect poses, and sometimes lose balance. Basically this is a record of one day's session, showing an 82-year old person's almost daily practice as it has essentially been for 43 years.

My indescribable inexplicable love for Sy, my camera. A sudden rush of gratitude when picking up a little plastic funnel, used to put water in a narrow-necked glass bottle. Seemed like at base it was a person, that is came from a consciousness able to incarnate or become anything. But awareness is equal in all things. So when I felt this thankfulness, it felt acknowledged.

There was more to it. Communing directly with awareness is better than going through a secondary channel such as God, gods, idols, goddess, Buddha or spiritual beings of any kind. First of all it is not top-down. It can't confer special favors or punishments. It is bottom up. Anything divided has equal status so there is no partisanship.

This relationship should be omnipresent in carolyoga. Need to pick fonts that will last throughout. Also a sound system format. Maybe beginnings and endings of segments should be transitions. Like a break? Or should I just overwrite the existing, so the whole 40 minutes in the end is unbroken.

Should I divide them all up for starters? Maybe should try and see how that works. Do I need a preliminary description, overview, maybe flash of all poses, disclosure. Not saying the poses a done in good form. In fact see some glaring goals for improvement. Yoga is lifetime practice. How fine are the divisions? And are there any overgroups other than greetsun?

2017-07-21

Woke up at 4:45 with a siren that gradually diminished. Not sure if real or, I was going to say imaginary, but it was real, in that I experienced it. So do not know if it was an external siren, on Hwy 30A for example, or someone's alarm clock. Or if it was my caretaker the lovely Carol inside that I marvel at and am so grateful for. Sometimes I feel like the audience in this show put on by the being on the stage of life. "They" say I'm the director, but that is often not my experience.

2017-07-20

Working on a movie of carolyoga. I have done parts of it before. Now making a movie of my entire practice, as is, with mistakes, poor performance and all.

2017-07-17

On web I got an email that is like I always wanted to get for thirty years or so, that someone can follow my thought patterns as though they were their own. About Zen and the Art of Dividing by Zero. His question is about where my interests in Zen, math and art have gone since 1988?

2017-07-15

Discovered that my singing is probably an audio version of asemic writing. Must discover if that word (or title for a concept) is that author's invention or where it came from. I could do the audio as I video seaweed writing. Also look at the group's movies again to see if they do audio. I did and they rarely have audio and none I found of what I might call Asemic Audio. They don't call the writing a language. Or I could sing a soundtrack for the weed I've got. This morning making breakfast it was a chamber music jazz improv rhythm gospel walking kind of chant. When doing that kind of singing I feel all the nuances of brushwork when I did painting, maybe it is artistry, a very creative feeling.

This morning the beach was perfectly clear. I didn't see anything big left on the beach. There's something about that purity that never happens once there is some stuff. As I walked to the water though, I started to see the shovel, water bottle, hole, mound, plastic traces of not leaving-no-trace.

2017-07-14

I am camera depressed. It just is too heavy. When back from my walk, I am camera elated. I dealt with the weight. Did not find it too heavy. Such a rich morning. I am what my camera sees. That's not it. Attuned with its beautiful OLED viewfinder, I found myself looking at everything sharper, in more detail. My environment is enhanced.

2017-07-13

Dream. I'm getting ready for a job interview, in fact it is at 5 or soon and the place is like in San Jose compared to Mt. View, like maybe an hour away. I have this out of control feeling like I don't have my samples and materials for application, where is my car, where did I leave my purse? I'm in this large insecure ill-defined space, a communal space. Periodically I get my grip and focus on some aspect of it, but it generally seems like I can't get there. I'm stunned at why I'm letting this happen. Periodically I think of excuses that I could call and postpone the appointment. Like say I've been in a car accident or something. This whole vague dream aspect gives way to a love interest. Mostly about love and being awake and alive for the contact.

As I get ready to go on my morning walk, the feeling of not knowing where things are, having to locate, and my space really is a social human space. Even though I have walls and doors and locks, my mind is where things exist and that is not confined to locations and is connected. Since I lingered over dream, sunrise pinking was in full swing as I walked down magnolia way to the beach. The sky was full of deft strokes, playful twists, insubstantial driftings, wind sprites frolicking away.

One video is long walk along the seaweed writing where I'm talking but I don't know what saying because the surf is so loud. My thoughts were that we call it writing because it reminds us of our writing. But it does tell a story of waves and sand and the particular condition at that time. It evolved into that's what our writing does too. How connected and the same everything is.

On Facebook there was a page of the kind of writing I'm seeing in seaweed and did in my early journal. Michel Audoard has a page called Asemic Writing: The New Post-Literate. What does that mean? Group says Asemic writing is a wordless open semantic style of writing. It often appears as abstract or illegible writing. So I joined the Facebook group. Here's a link to journal topic in evolving 8/1/2011 where I write about it and have a link to the writing I was thinking of. It has a link to another related graphic of ancient languages.

One thought I had along blessings beach was that I wasn't being Cosmic Caroling. Not tuning far out. Not channeling. Just neutral, OK, walking. But just the thought made me do a few pearl steps and feel almost transparent, but rooted. The word is continuous. That implies time and space uninterrupted. I love all the meanings of continuous. Well, incessant is a bit irritating.

Began to explore a new camera, a Sony Cyber-shot DSC-RX10 III, that I am calling Sy.

2017-07-09

Have spent days researching cameras since Lumix is being cleaned. Have ordered two new cameras for comparison. My older one has a blinking problem and is barely able to serve my need for a camera on my walks.

Mornings have been wonderful. Each one different with something new observed each time. There are silver flashes of leaping fish unexpectedly. I call them flippy fish. So zingy energizing. Better than fireworks. I'm never able to capture the effect in a movie. Rainbows appearing out of the blue. News from the turtle watchers is of a huge leatherback nest. Some vandalizing of nests has caused greater security measures. They don't date the nest stakes. Don't post photos or locations.

2017-07-03

The eagle I've been watching finally left the nest. It ate, peed, seemed to be talking to something. A couple of wing flaps and it was gone.

2017-07-02

Gloom. Plunged camera into sand as I tripped on my pants' leg and fell head first into the sand. Tried to zoom lens when saw the flamingos flying west over the ramp. It tried in and out and finally failed. Kevin Christman posted photos taken at 5:58 from the same point of view but where could he have been standing? Now remembering a guy with coffee cup at bottom of ramp. Maybe he had been down by the inoutfall.

2017-07-01

Flamingos! Obsessing my day. I am psyched. Got a good movie but will take time to edit to tell the story but not bore. Got it down to five minutes but still jerky and probably too much preening. {True. Only a fraction of the people that opened the movie watched the whole thing. Even though it was well received.) It is also a time suck to hang in Facebook and see who likes my work. Thankful that Jacquee shared it to the Walton County Ideas for Visioning Facebook group. Raya and Jeff Talbert tagged Kevin Christman.

Now looking for another camera. I cannot find one that is light enough that has an OLED viewfinder, 4K video, and at least 50x zoom.

2017-06-29

My web ISP requires a new modem DOCSIS 3.0. Jen saw flamingos in Deer Lake State Park yesterday.

2017-06-27

Awake in the night. I dozed off and woke at 5:15AM, screaming because I could not remember the code or the combination or the action or whatever it was that I needed to do. I think was a dream scream. Not sure. This is just the latest in wakeups from a repetitive type dream, where I'm surprised to survive when I can't remember something I needed to do. When I saw the time I got out to walk quickly. Turtle nest must have happened yesterday.

2017-06-26

At Nancy's appointment with Dr. Wu, at first I was all small think. Then realized I wasn't seeing what was happening. All energy coming down straight down (from the ceiling, the sky) forcefully with arrows from above. Whump whump etc. pounding away. An effort to dispel obstructions. This resulted in the circles (seen before as floating orbs) lining her body around the edge of the bed. Transferring energy out to a larger circle or oval or egg-shape of more circles. There was a lot more. A dissociated Nancy that I thought had ascended seems actually to be trying to integrate back. Went to brain cleaning but it is all over the body. Think of the memory beads and memory banks.

2017-06-25

What a morning! One of those peak walks where I feel so exquisitely transparent to the most intense beauty the place. This one a red-golden sunrise. Feeling like a privileged being. Why me? But I should feel it for everyone, for anyone since I seem to be the one.

2017-06-24

Dream that with 2 or 3 time units I can measure distance. Somehow this implied no use of space. That is, time is a dimension. The new moon was last night at 9:30PM, when I went to bed. Thus this dream is enhanced.

2017-06-23

Amazing feeling of ease and acceptance in time that I've not felt before. It was early for dinner, but I was hungry and it seemed right so I went to kitchen. I went about doing things as if I knew well what I was doing. But there was no planning. Moving obliquely and randomly toward my goal of a meal. I ended up with potatoes, spinach and Parmesan cheese. Delicious. The feeling of peace and calm was new in my life. Usually I'm impatient or living ahead of myself. Like envisioning what I'll do when I'm done with this rigmarole. The whole texture of actions was smooth.

As I came back with my plate, I remembered that the movie Interstellar was on TV from 3-7. I've seen only segments previously. Why not give it a try? I came in after skipping the ugly part where Cooper is fighting with Mann, who tries to kill him (my least favorite part of the whole movie). So the movie was resuming after Cooper was rescued. Just the perfect for me to see the rest of it. Seems miraculous. Love is key! And we did go to 5D.

2017-06-21

Due to a local tornado watch and stormy weather from tropical storm Cindy, I stayed in today. Kitchen dancing to chamber music that seems to endlessly, charmingly play in my head. When a vision comes of the wngz turned vertical. Narrowing horizontally so they seem to be advancing with the inner edges, turning sidewards as they enlarge and zoom up.

2017-06-20

I got some inspiration on the walk, which was beach ramp walk with umbrella in light rain. How the crystal on back is kind of like dome miniature, blinks on and off. When saw it rising out from miniature, got the feeling partly these visions are presented as design prototypes. I'm not representing how it is but how it could be if functional.

Side vision. What does the nor in EIEnor stand for? What is the genesis of that word? How do the geometries relate dynamically? Previously I thought EIE was a mistake and EIEnor was the better. Today seeing an EIEnor within an EIE and dynamic links between them. It could be the EIE expands as preliminary and load-bearing for encouraging brain cell expansion. Wow, this seems like the next big thing.

I wonder what happens to the sculptures outside the old Apple headquarters at One Infinite Loop if they move all of Apple to the new campus. See a movie of a QTVR panorama from 1998. I read the WIRED article on the One More Thing and how it is Jobs' legacy to keep Apple attuned to his spirit. It is not an architectural statement. It is more a monument. I should photocopy the article before sending it to Liz.

But there was more to the back than the pulsing crystal. The green wings are glassy vibes that pulse from angular to rounded edges. Maybe sending with angle and receiving with rounds. Also when they go straight out left and right, the figure disappears. Maybe because they wrap around earth and become a giant antenna. They also go fluttering at any angle. Anemone.

2017-06-18

Working with the seaweed photos. Looking at the frayed, changing cloud fragments in the sky, why am I so fascinated with these shapes? They feel innately, intuitively beautiful. Not just that, they feel significant. Important. As if focusing on them would be immediately recognized by almost anyone. Then doubting that. What's the explanation? What came is that I'm like a drop of water. I'm in a stream of seaweed as well as a wafting cloud. As a human I'm buffeted and carried by winds and environmental forces along with crowds of other people drops. We form forms as water drops do. We feel separate but we know we're not. So I look to these passages of water for traces of my own story.

Sudden thought that the blub holes in the white sand are like inverts of the white stars in the (blub) black night. Oh, I visualized the pin and rod brain aura and see the language spikes going out like vertical trees. Wow, packages are tumbling down. That is, make the pins and rods more well organized, vertical in action. Not sure exactly where it fits in the movie.

2017-06-15

Took my friend Nancy to the acupuncturist, Dr. Wu, for the first time since her move to Clare Bridge Memory Care. As for Wu visions yes, so many I can hardly report. First was a draining cloud over Nancy. Whooshing down from head area out, fanning out in ruffled clouds over solar plexus. Wu takes energy reading like taking pulse at wrist. He says she is better but more to go. There was a time of swirls, small green swirls cleansing frontal lobes. And opposite spirals on two kind of feeler stalks above. There was a breathing energy with the breathe in head and feet. Breathe out solar plexus. There were the green wings. Somehow connected to all when behind back, but at other locations in life.

ECMS was fantastic. Not only the meditation, but the talk. Emily's view of poetry was deep and very opening for me.

Meditation about time. All I know about time is spacetime. It started with a (don't use spatial words like squirt or even smear) dull, deep alive purple. It was an experience that I've lost, like fragments of a dream. It was that time is not a dimension. Dimensions all related to spacetime. Which is an outgrowth of time. Hint of time is at a noint joint interface to undivided. For me, being a spacial creature, twoness is the closest I can get. No difference between one and twoness. Relationship to movie, no, music in that changes in rhythm, beat, interstice are qualities of time but made spacial with instruments and vibrations. Vibes are spacial. There is no way to represent time purely in space except color. Maybe the aspect of light that is not particle. There is the purple vs green. Then there is the aqua vs orchid. That had a drama in my meditation. Guess I've lost it. Thinking aqua though brought me to the springs and I need to go. The intensity of aqua as water is very spiritual for me.

2017-06-13

I packed up, drove, and moved Nancy Ann James to a new Memory Care facility today.

2017-06-10

Only vision was of Elobeing. How someday there will be Elobeing avatars and paper dolls and costumes. How there are many within, as fractal cells and parts of cells. Not that Elobeing biology is cellular like ours is. But in the general sense of organizing unit of smaller organizing units. All made in its image.

Every time I get a new vision in this series it seems like the end. Maybe this should actually be standalone. Not really awareness is it?

The need for profit has led us astray. We don't know how to digest our food. First we have forgotten that it must be chewed up well before going to the stomach. This is something I continually violate. And think of the myriad commercial solutions to avoid that, such as soft food and digestive aids. Secondly we need water to provide the base for all our processes. Blood pressure medicine, sports drinks, and countless cures for illnesses we have because of our dehydration.

2017-06-07

Whereever I look is creative work I'd like to do. The footprints associated with path through the weeds. Just did a capture of the bcone winds. The bones5000wind.mov. Noticed that the blessings of the goddess singing is in harmony, not the real music. So I should sing it right.

At age 5, to get to grade school, I walked from my carefully gardened home lot, out the blue gate, down an alley fronted with cars and garages, through a vacant lot to a few blocks of streets with concrete sidewalks. The vacant lot was my favorite part. In fact that path to school probably has the key to my life. It is the little path of wilderness in the city that I got to know well. It was my buffer and respite. Probably where I got visions. Love of nature. The Zen path. I could reorganize my whole web site around a path through weeds.

I must work on my tribute to Nancy Ann James. It is all that is on my mind.

2017-06-06

Computer creativity What computer did with a video editing window is radical. Turned the graphic upside down and a new color scheme, looking like invert, but not from the original black and white. It has a glow quality. maybe use for quick after images.

2017-06-05

Visit Dr. Wu with Nancy. Good session. He talks to me a lot. Vision of head to feet zapping connection on Nancy once he left and we settled down. Then a wave starting at feet small, narrow fountain flow exuding rainbow but becoming white light at base and most of the fan out to brain. Up in there were banks of round light bright marbles, spheres, not too big, not memory beads, that were getting rainbowed.

I had a period of feeling pained by my tight clothes. The straighter up I sat, the better that got. A couple of things happen in such a case. I mentally compare this state with not this state, that is, if we stopped and went on with normal life. Not so much a comparison as asking the question, are you really wishing for and looking forward to stopping? The answer kind of floods me with gratefulness for meditation. Maybe that is part of acceptance. The other part is what happens to the pain. I don't know if a pain that isn't felt is gone or just not conscious. I notice the pain. See that it is a condition of my clothes and posture and how things are right now. It is not causing permanent damage. Or I don't feel that it is worth breaking my meditation for. So I just let it happen. Later I realize I'm not pained.

I spent some time looking at the needles. What do they really do? Aside from that, why does Dr. Wu not seem to focus on them, concentrate on them? Why does he act like just the physical placing of them is all that is required? The ones on her stomach were 4" long. More like 2.5" on her arm. Are there currents out that far from the body that the metal channels directly in? Like short circuiting? Or reestablishing links that have been diminished? I'm reminded of cactus plants that have vertical ridges with spines sticking out. The needles reach out beyond the health aura bolstering it. Another idea that came while writing is that the metal going a tiny distance into the skin creates pathway for some kind of lubricant. For the first time today, I got the feeling that this process might actually cleanse and reestablish pathways for functioning of being.

He told the vegetables he likes: brocoli, kale, cauliflower, okra, and cabbage. He thinks Fresh Market is a little better than Whole Foods. He mentioned purple potatoes. I told him about Marinella Monk, the huge energy and that it started with Dr. Wu. Described my visions. When we left, Nancy reminded me to take my umbrella. It was pouring rain on the way out. Her purse fell in a puddle. Everything got wet despite huge umbrella.

Today Nancy played the game Scrabble. Didn't remember the process of after putting tiles on board, you then refill the row of eight tiles. Could not count the numbers but obviously knew them, as her score was double mine in the 15 minutes we played.

Someone wrote about the print called Fostoria. What is the printmaking process I used? Strikes me so hilarious that someone would think it of value when the world has seen little $ there. What strikes me more is how I haven't looked at it for years but I did yesterday. Quite coincidentally I saw that print as I was looking for a drawing. It is stored flat in a large box of works on paper that I've saved. A thought grazed my mind to put it on wholeo.net. I've always liked the expression. Thought how it expresses deep sensual awareness. The vase is like inverse womb. The container of womanhood. It is actually a very feminine artwork. But also the lack of a mouth emphasizes separation, looking inward, the introvert. Yet the geometic shapes and the glass predate themes that continue to fascinate me. It is an etching with aquatint. How could it be dated 1955? Yes, I was a junior in college.

I don't remember selling it. I wrote back. These two might be all there are. It doesn't indicate an edition, does it? It might be 2/2. Good luck with Weisman or wherever Fostoria may go.

2017-06-04

Coping with my friend's ill health is difficult. I found out indirectly that she needs to be moved to a "Memory Care" facility. I learned that the responsible family did not tell me for fear that I would "over-react". It wasn't my friend's condition, it is the family and friends' relationships that I over react to. This is what I do, they are right. This is who I am. So be it.

2017-06-03

I didn't have a plan for National Trails Day, which I've celebrated with group hikes before, but it turned out to be brilliant for me personally. I heard that something very important to me was going to happen this morning (as I was getting into my car). When I got down to the beach, I should say it seemed like having the attitude that something important is going to happen is what makes it happen. Or something important is going to happen and I don't recognize it. When I took off my sandals, and looked up, the light seemed so magical. Like I was on a different stage. Coming to a different universe. Or ... It's the contrast. It was so glowing. There were clouds all around. {Note the light is very light pink in the whole video. It seemed luminous to me at the time, but didn't know it as pink color.}

And then I thought of (at Dr. Wu's) how I told them about the Secret of the Andes and picture the masculine ray coming down into the Himalayas and a feminine ray to Peru. It had always been there. Like, it's like right and left parts of my brain.

I thought my movie could start like the last movie ended, with expanded brain. It could become global and see the rays in the Himalayas and Peru. And then the antenna zooms back, so then I'm looking to the side. Looks like a transition thing.

Singing, we are but a moment's rainbow, shining in the sun, come on people, let's love your brother, right now. Looking south, light up close was golden against the darker gray sky beyond. A sharp clear rainbow appeared to come straight down from above to the sea.

It could be that Nancy's essence left and she's guiding me. She asked Al Drucker on his deathbed to show if there is life beyond death. And now she's showing me. It's trickling in. What if the essenceNancy saw Caroling in Dr. Wu's office and the remnantNancy was with Carol back in the hospital room.

Saw ancient language writing in the seaweed on the beach. Then saw a fishling string connected it all.

Wow I sure had a fantastic hike. First remember the two things on the way back that were great. One the plover dad walking ahead of me at the same pace. Telling me something. I think gratitude and love but (crazy) could be that not heeding global warming will mean specific inundation for this beach which has been in his family for generations. If only we stuck with Paris accords. Come on folks, PARIS, where our art, language of the 20th century was born. I guess as a species plea it was to tell its story, appreciate it, treasure it as imperilled as his plover ness.

The other thing was the fantastic colors of the sea water. It was purple and green in patches. I thought, where have I seen that color combo, is important to me, to my web pages. Of course, the awareness backgrounds. Another factor was that the waves were green. Earlier and often I remember that first hit of green waves, when Nancy first walked me down Grayton Beach. We were talking, but there was a sudden revelation, an important sticking memory image of the wave rising up in the most beautiful radiant sheeny green, like light through green stained glass that I've loved so. I can't say for sure how often we have brilliant green waves but I don't recognize them very often. Sometimes it seems like it never happened. I loved walking back in the rain, with cameras in pack under rain cover, the darker green/purpled sea with the waves rising up, maybe two feet in curved height in brilliant green with white lacy foam edges. So dramatic.

The song, come on people, smile on each other, comeon and love one another right now. We are but a moment's sunrise, shining in the something or other. That was my theme song from the moment of the rainbow. I wonder if I got video of talking to the plovers. They were ahead of me and I stopped short and talked to them for a long time and it seemed like we didn't move for a long time.

I'm almost scared to watch my camera results, I so wish that the ecstacies of the morning would be captured. But there's the alternate message that it is all for my self-development. Perhaps I should do not do personal social media. Keep it in the realm of art. Struggling with whole rift between Carol and Caroling that Nancy (earthNancy vs essenceNancy) so vividly portrayed.

2017-06-02

Wonder Woman movie released. Looked at the trailer and saw they have given her big ornamented wrist bands. The bands that I've worn since I took on the Wonder Woman character in the comics of my childhood, are plain silver and only 2 inches wide. I'll stick with my movie.

2017-06-01

Dr. Wu said chess playing for Nancy. Also eggs, which she is getting. Have to report on visions during her acupuncture treatment. I was sitting on the side, looking at the side of the table she was on. Meditating. So eyes weren't directed. But there was a turbulent wavy motion along the bed and her body. Generated from the feet and reaching some as high as heart level. I doubted what I was seeing had any physical basis, but it was an hallucination. Not like visions, which are clearly imagination-based. It subsided after awhile, but there were colors, little bubbles, orbs, probably colored light spirits. As if they are healing energies summoned by Dr. Wu. Colors alongside her body, maybe a foot or so out but mostly congregating at her skin.

I took Nancy to lunch, which was a mistake. She became delusional when we got back to Grand Blvd.

I should say something about meditation. Recognized that was having many thoughts but there was intensity. There was great pressure down on the receiving pins. Extension and multiplication of the sending pipes. Spent some time visualizing position of antenna with respect to head expansion. Sides are almost balanced. There was some pain or difficulty which I just watched and it must have gone away. When getting ready to go, Marinella came up and said she had sensed a huge amount of energy from me when sitting. I told her about the waves and colored light orbs from Dr. Wu's office. I had seen the CLBs in meditation. They are being channeled. That deflected her interest to him and Tracey was describing the location of his office. But in reality I think it was primarily brain expansion and antenna that is a powerful source. Nice that someone else felt it.

2017-05-29

Awareness. I have pins and pipes on the mind. Coordinating with pearl steps and associated visions. Then Elobeing torus and banners surrounded me. Singing Santa Lucia, must look up words. The pin heads bob up and down. The pipes also. They are also associated with right breathe in and left breathe out; receive and send. It is far more detailed and complex than I know. I don't know if I'm an Elobeing incarnated on earth to experience an earth life, or to gather data or resources. Or am I evolving into an Elobeing? Or is Elobeing, having evolved from a baby born from my body now come back into me? Or is it a leap frog where I give birth to Leo. Leo evolves to Elo. Then I, through some process like birth, alternative death, evolve to Elobeing. All I know for sure is that my life visions are synergizing. I asked about the five-fold brain cells. No answer on that. But that might have been when the etheric Elobeing structures appeared.

2017-05-28

Woke up at 4:30am knowing I did the wrong thing but can't remember what the right thing was. "I'm dead," I was dream screaming before I realize that actually, I'm still alive. I must do some dream incubation and learn more about remembering. I wonder if it is the same on a life scale. Something about me knows something that I need or want to bring to consciousness in this life. So pzusxxeling. Could it be that dream state is more alive than what we call life. For dreamer, waking up is dying. Or maybe it is dying when you can't remember the crucial thing that would make you truly alive.

For awareness video, try the sound of the hat pins as chopsticks banging on the metal side table. And the pan pipes windy on the left side.

Wow this is scary. I nod off and wake up thinking I'm sure to have forgotten something crucial. Aren't I supposed to do some tooth monitoring or what could it be? Later perhaps this is a kind of breathing I need to do. But how? I don't have any unused organs or sensors that I know of. How about this awareness design happening now? The receiving and sending might be a kind of breathing.

2017-05-26

Back to summer pattern of walking on the beach, starting before sunrise. Following snowy plovers, least terns, and an eagle. It is endlessly fascinating and beautiful. Deer Lake State Park was on TV: the program produced by Rob Diaz de Villegas, more in the blog: http://blog.wfsu.org/blog-coastal-health/

Explored YouTube's new End Screen feature. Rearranged the Expanding Consciousness playlist and added this description: "Anything communicated expands but these are beyond the usual. Handle with care. Breathe them and allow infusion. Visions are not received or to be taken literally. Only expanding if the adventure is suitable. Thanks for joining the journey of our evolution. These videos selected from wholeo.net collection of art online since 1997."

Comparing my old Sony (Sunny) with my new Panasonic (Lu) camera is discouraging. Lu has a much sharper, brighter viewfinder, but although it has 60x zoom compared to Sunny's 50x, the actual image I see is smaller. So the eagle on Sunny looks closer but fuzzier. There are more comparisons to be made between videos: 1080 at 60fps and 4K at 30fps in terms of image stablization, keeping focus, and exposure. I thought 4K would be superior but it seems to have problems. One thing is clear. I must explore all the settings on Lu before looking into heavier, more expensive cameras.

2017-05-20

Looking for the source of the language symbols I used. http://www.languagegeek.com/algon/cree/yyd_example.html some language symbols. Cree is related to Alberta, Canada and Florida.

2017-05-19

Continuing to connect current awareness visions with past. Specifically for 4/25 reference searching for language raining down. Found this page: Wholeo Galactic Symbol Goes to Galactic Center. For 5/13 dream EIEbing at Galactic Center has the green arms extended with white and black vibe arms for put/send and get/receive. The end of the movie is the source of me with the green arms behind back. Amazing that I woke up with a dream like this, when haven't thought of it for years. Here is the text: On the full moon of December 17, 2013 (see the page). The Eyebing reached the Galactic Center. The weB log entry of 12/11/2013 says I won't know the new functionality of EIEbing until the solstice. However, that was "between". On the new moon of January 1, 2014, I cleansed in a sacred spring. Renewed, I bathed in a galactic stream of energy channeled through the starlight of Sirius, adding to the Galactic Beam traversed by EIEbing.

 From then on it is as though the EIEbing galactic consciousness was maturing. Web log entries touch on the process. On January 14 I'm finally able to feel the EIEbing sending and receiving vibrations at Galactic Center. The Web Log entry says " I suddenly felt like Wholeopen in gut and the vibes coming and going from my body. Is that the ultimate of the Galactic Beam Being? Sorry heart lovers, it is the tan t'ien, the hara (tanden in Japanese)." Mystsynthesizing. So it has been 3.5 years.

Wholeopen at Eyebing Galactic. There could be a Wholeo open, which is a Wholeo symbol straighted into an X with different angles, lengths of legs. A mirror V? Wholeopen. It is a way to show multidimensions. Not flat, multidirectional. Just thinking that, felt a radical freedome fredome freedom of probing dimensions of choice. The wholeopen legs angled into this and that dimensions for its meaning. That's why the legs could look irregular from a 3D perspective or viewpoint. But they would be symmetrical in multi-D.

The eyebing in the center of my forehead could be a transmission center for wholeopen. I can see it moving with the different angles and lengths of legs. Is a curve a more subtle and complex way of speaking angles than a V?

September 5, 2013, during yoga practice, doing that, some sort of latent ability feels energized, opened, activated. I feel like a more complete human than I've ever felt. Doing warrior pose variations, I feet all my cells or some micro parts of me becoming wholeopen transmitters. Catching on. This is catchy.

September 14, during sunrise meditation I created the eyebing of Wholeo. Thought about the vibes. Felt wholeopen, active, but not related to the sun particularly. Maybe wholeopen would match the angles of the sides of the vibes. It was a vibe regulator. That was at a coarse granulation.

Here is the wholeopen video at Eyebing Galactic that I can modify into glassy green wings.

2017-05-17

Working on awareness visions. Maybe should just focus on ring expansions. I'm not sure if it is too fast. I've got 13s where I've supposedly gone into the painting to wateryness, reaffirmed a human world, allowed face to be watered and am set for brain ring expansions. Does it look OK to me because I'm so familiar with it? Can anybody else even see what happened? Or are people so much more visually adept than I am that they'll get it? If do user testing, a few won't do. I have to just wing it.

2017-05-13

On wake up a crystallizing sensation above waist in back, below wing-bones, so above center of unconscious, along spine, some kind of crystal cauliflower-like mound, deposit. And from these crystals spring green filamentous, transparent glassy wings. Rather straight. I feel gifted. Gratitude. Thank you.

Gypsy glass-wings aho.

Learned more about Tinkr but difficult. Tuned to green awareness. Not the green reflected from objects. It has Sub-Wings of different lengths and angles. All comes down to vibes. Special measuring and translating unit for vibe awareness. It has drone capabilities. Can take off and fly around. Maybe even like crystal refraction not one but many radiating out. Not only many arms of radiation, but many clone drones. I can learn this language. Universal translator. When I got home named it Tinkr because it has Tinker Bell qualities. It might have Zen meditation bell qualities. When consciousness called to meditative attention or meditative awareness, it is more open to communication, larger, more accessible and above all more honest. Thoughts arise but do not get implemented, do not lead to action but have the information of action, the feeling of action, the intention of action.

Seems this new aspect of vision is consuming. How can I continue with old, when new is so enticing?

2017-05-08

Mayan expert says 10/28/2011 was important. I had a monumental insight pineal the next day. In fact, it has striking chords to what I'm working on now. Interesting that all wholeo web stuff at that time was about nature.

Notes from the expert: October 28, 2011 was a day when all the nine waves influencing our biology and especially mind shifted and created a new interference pattern. In principle, it is not more special than any other beginnings of a 36 wave period of the Ninth Wave. (See http://www.xzone.com.au/9thwave.php). May 24, 2017 is the first day of the 64th DAY in the Ninth Wave. However, it may be regarded as the beginning of a sustained effort to facilitate for people to create resonance with the Ninth Wave. This event will be followed by events on June 29, August 4, and so on. It is not to be looked upon as a singular event. Yet, it can be argued that the chaos in the world has come to a point where it becomes a necessity to create resonance on a larger collective scale with the wave that generates unity consciousness.  http://www.xzone.com.au/tzolkin/tzolkin.html

2017-05-06

Got a Facetime call on phone. Panic. Turned it on and there was Liz but could not hear well or understand. Went into frenzy. Saw Leo. She said it was an accident, I thought Max. Finally I heard that they called me by mistake. Hung up. Was and am astounded at the emotional and physical impact of not being able to understand what they were saying and the frustration of knowing that I can hear a plain old call fine has had on me. I'm flustured, shaky, wavery, unsteady, completely overwhelmed. Can not understand my reaction at all. I was thinking I was in top shape. But I'm not. I keep thinking it might be goofing up my vitamins for two days. Or taking two niacin. Or the berberine. Or worry about my social relationships vs. my art. Consternation that life decisions are so trying and difficult for me.

2017-05-04

Suddenly remembered images from tonight's meditation. Aware of left and right. There were two color clouds for the figure's left and right side (who moi?), maybe orchid and deep blue sea. But first the uneasyness that the left is cramped, shrunken, wizened, and diminished into side. Aerated. Maybe opened it? Next view is of left arm extended out. Then a lost link to many arms radiating all around, all around 3D. But there was a feeling that was controlled by some kind of boxy trailer or truck and that I was interfering or we were at odds. Several times, or a few times I came back to breathing, wondering how deep I go, does my belly expand, can I do the three levels in the order taught? Get so messed up with thinking about it. Never feels very effective. Cohesion was probably the ruling word.

2017-04-30

Seeing a pattern. First my "channeling". Then my burst of wonderment and affirmation of connection. Followed by discernment, application of fact, seeing of delusion. Illusion. "Deneb is the star in tail of Leo constellation" (I saw this on TV. Only on 5-02 did I discover it was Denebola. My mistake in hearing.). I've always used it (Deneb) backward as Bened, which is the head of Cygnus, the swan. (That I used in journal after Leo died, in videos and thoughts often, afterwards.) My confusion with these names is never-ending, it seems. Maybe that is what awareness units of the intergalactic medium are supposed to do. Gradually expanding and refining awareness.

Had a fantasy vision of approaching death that looks like the Lamaze birth painting starting at the top. Life is the chaos coming down free fall. Starting at the bottom and going in is the next step. Hmm that could integrate the brain (4-18) and other two visions, taking the trip. See 4-14 and 4-25. See Awareness page of the expanding vision.

2017-04-29

After getting a new thermostat installed and being overjoyed to be cool again, I had an adventurous day with Sheewho. We visited Nancy who was flat on her bed. Asked Nancy if she was meditating. No. Where is she at? What is happening? She put her finger and thumb together in gesture. First thought was mudra of perfection, wholeness, satori, dualism overcome. Second thought was zero. I voiced thought #1? No. I said "0?" Yes. I further checked definitions such as neutral and pretty much yes, disengaged.

She kept talking about a group meeting and something that was supposed to happen. She couldn't remember anything more about it. I almost wonder if I should never mention future plans because it worries her.

The Lost City of Z movie was all about looking for Paititi but Fawcett did not return at the end, making good discussion over a marvelous lunch of food I had never eaten including acai, spirulina, hemp granola and goji berries. Then on for a camera shootout on a new park under a new bridge over Choctawhatchee Bay. We stayed until the wind was too strong to bear.

At night I was upset that the TV networks spent time on the president's gathering since he had boycotted the White House Correspondents' Association dinner that he should have attended. When they finally went to the dinner, it was worth watching.

2017-04-28

Good day for photos and videos in Deer Lake State Park. Have posted beach videos of snowy plover families and goose barnacles. Lots of pelicans fishing in one spot. Magnolia blossoms. Got a new Panasonic DC-FZ80 camera.

2017-04-27

I have been remembering a visionary video with the language verticals raining down but a search on ancient language doesn't get it. Can't find it.

2017-04-26

Bob finalizing invaded me, more like permeated me. The kind of butterfly stroke sparkles of the splurt scissors and MET bodies I'm working on (see today's video) became my substance virtually. Not outlining or filling but reconstituting. Super qigong energy. It was a mysterious, cosmic trip experience creative exploratory choice focus action not available to memory, not in time particularly. I get that the Bob awareness is making great choices with quality discrimination. I did get Chiku Jo Ho Zan binding with Elo in Bened finesse.

Put closed captions on visions movie in YouTube. Great interface. Completely intuitive. Best interactive software ever. That is, as a tool that works flawlessly to accomplish a specific task.

2017-04-25

Conflict between working on the movie for tomorrow and focusing on today's experience. Think the psychic adventure is way more important.

At 4 I am feeling horizontal deflectors. First they were coming down, like, language parcels bamming on a tin roof. Then I felt deflectors to the side too, for going up, so it's spreading actually transmissions. Channeling to the side. I can't tell if this is because I don't want to be diminished, have something taken from me. Or if he doesn't want me messing with his psyche? Or if ... if if if I can't receive what is being sent, that was my first thought, that I should work on opening up to that. I see antennas tilting all different sizes, and distances planted around these woods. Blessings Beach, is where I had my first Florida visions. Vision woods Visions Grove. Grove sounds like drove. They should make bear bells that sound like birds. That attract birds as well as repel bears.

There's one with a pointed feed that comes, I guess it's tilted so the scissors points come out of my pineal and my forehead. And the MET is kind of, it's like behind me. Propelling or recording or doing all the things that a MET does. If it's a transformation, it's not really communication. I don't bring anything back. Preparing for some evolution, transformation of consciousness. Bob maybe can help with that. {Continuation of the Awareness visions.}

Bob, where ya at? Oh, stuff is raining down. Language. When did I see that, long ago? Letters in the language raining down. Oh (nice sound) I visualized the pin and rod brain aura and see the language spikes going out like those trees there (vertical) Wow, packages are tumbling down. 3D Notepads (?) thoughts he had for me. The dream me that was not the woman that he thought I was.

I really wanted to come home to focus on my video for tomorrow. but it seems like psychic my aims are counter to my artistic. I want to focus on transmissions, transcending, want to do a meditation, actually. It's like putting a radio collar on a wild animal. Now I can keep tracking. Whatever it is. Maybe that's the barrier. Do I allow him to do that with me? Feels like little roots. Like lichen rhizines.

2017-04-24

Bob Pirsig died. I am crying inexplicably but with quality. For all the possibilities that die. He is was Robert Maynard Pirsig. A great, as deeply flawed as he was great in my life, person. Actually conflicted as a man of the age of women's lib must be. I got a grip on some cells that have always been devoted to Bob. I think they are linked into his in a way that makes some sort of continuity. Nancy could not seem to remember him or recognize him in a photo. Later she thought her brother died instead. When we were talking, she began staring into space. I asked what she's thinking about and she replies "I'm wandering in the dew." Then she spells it out: D E W.

2017-04-22

Up early and out to Deer Lake State Park NW, up to the restoration area and beyond. All the stacked up brush (nutrients decaying) was removed. But titi flourishing. Same small pitchers and orchid sprouts and sundews. Saw a tiny flower (5" high, stalk and all) on a tiny parrot pitcher plant. Got quite a good pic on hands and knees. Another fun first was looking at a leggy green bug on the lip of a pitcher plant wondering if it were a grasshopper. Closing in as photographers are wont to do, when the bug just tips in. I open the top and look in to a black hole.

2017-04-21

Merritt's Mill Pond kayaking day. The pond is 4 miles long. Jackson Blue Springs is at the head of it. We put in at the Day Loop Road access. The park does not open until Memorial Day. My inflatable was hard to paddle in the thick weeds. Lori towed me although I paddled the whole time. Shangri-La springs was divine.

2017-04-20

I got good video of a snowy plover following the wrack line on the beach when the light was right (early sun). The plover did not see me because I stopped before he got there. He was coming towards and around, moving on with no regard for me. I had done prep by years of trying to photo these fleeting creatures. Actually he does see me at beginning of video but acts like I'm not a threat. Being centered in this timestream of experience allowed me to do the best capture I could.

During meditation at ECMS, I was streaming with thoughts, knew it, and asked what they had in common. A light at the end of the tunnel appeared and I did merge with that and feel tenderness. Every once in awhile I resumed tender non-ness. Not-ness. Saw lots of blue and asked what about green? Somehow was aware of green without seeing it. That says it. There is no separation of awareness (word) from green (color label) in consciousness (perception of mind). It is truly being green. Maybe that is a qigong centered stance.

2017-04-19

For publishing today, I haven't finished a video of the powerful visions of 4-1 April Fools day. I don't feel that it's a joke, at least it is not humorous. But a reminder to never take anything too seriously. I'll start the page Adventures in Awareness with images and work on, working on.

2017-04-18

I am drinking water and affirming brain watering, a continuation of the 4-14 insight and the 4-16 follow-up. Feeling my left brain, can at least envision the 6" expansion. Or is it 7"? Or more? My art is helping my body or spirit expand. Somehow thinking that need afterimage. What is afterimage of this green I've got? Magenta, of course! Looking at Photoshop command, "Inverse" and a color wheel of "Complementary Color", the words seem to describe the same phenomenon.

Just now thirsty. When drinking, had feeling of adding dimension. Like going into 3D in Photoshop and making the flat drawing an extrusion layer. That's what the expansion of the brain, mindspace is like, extruding. It's catching.

I tuned into my brain this morning. After confirming that the left had expanded, I saw these vertical little column things maybe 3/4" in diameter. coming up in a cluster of nine or seven or five sort of vertical rods of different heights (pipe organ?) "tsch" sounds. I don't know if that's how it is functioning . But the right side, that I had previously seen expanded, was not tuned in. I don't know if it was small or large. It was just hazy.

Today I'm seeing the left side as the sender. Those little rods are like the keys on a trumpet that change the tone. The right side is the builder. And it's like little hat pins. It's increasing resolution by establishing little black spots that are connected to the center. It's kind of non-dimensional, showing me as all over. But that means that it's nowhere. It doesn't have to be spatially oriented because it's omni-present. But it has to show it that way to me because that's the only way I can see it.

2017-04-16

Doing yoga, I found myself going on from the end of my mudras. From hands meeting behind my back, back of hands against back at waist, fingers splayed out fanning out from little fingers below to thumbs above. From there I rounded up, hands still splayed at maximum extent, radiating away from palm centered energy.

I did it, then sort of danced it, realizing this was a next step in my process related to the 4/14 insight. And the right side of my head expanded about 6" out all around that side. It has stayed that way until 10. have to go to sleep. It has kind of a Mohawk bristle out border down the center of my head. I feel my left side of my body is enhanced, maybe a little aerated or loosened up.

2017-04-15

So many negative thoughts. At least observant of them. See a graph like a half circle with an arrow vector stemming from the center of the bottom line. Neg to the right. Neutral straight up. Pos to the left. The center shaft goes way up above the circle so only the neutral is expanding and overseeing and not judgmental. Looking at the Mattie Kelly photo contest winners, I'm astounded at the negative thoughts seemingly projected on beautiful subjects. Then back in Facebook I note my judgmental negativity is in full swing. I could see my disapproval of the negative titles as a double negative. So still doesn't even get up to neutral.

2017-04-14

Expanding brain breathing. This has been going on for a couple of days. Creative response to the idea that older people's brains shrink inside the skull, so when they fall, they slosh bang against the bone. So they bleed and break easier than young expanded brain. I'm thinking this is because the brain is juicy, water-based. And our culture is dehydrated. I've been thinking of breathing it, watering it, visualizing and affirming expansion of brain.

2017-04-12

Nancy moving from room in rehabilitation to room in assisted living wing of the center.

2017-04-11

Woke and got up a little after 1:00AM, for a tea and computer break. About 1:30 realized I had gotten up about full moon time. Followed CNET directions to find obscure buried Facebook filtered message requests. About a year ago someone asked to use my Cameron Booth painting on a Cameron Booth fan club page. Found the page with all representational paintings. I guess the owner had collected Cam's work before he became an Abstract Expressionist. The fan page makes no mention of the Booth I knew that was my teacher. I didn't give permission to use my photo, but I did make a link to my page, just so people know.

2017-04-10

Friends invited me to kayak Cypress Swamp which is off Seven Runs Creek in north Walton county. I guess it was upstream all the way until we turned around. The water was high but not hard to paddle. Entering the swamp I got into that bliss like that experienced at Blue Springs two weeks ago. Maybe a Viking water boat bliss where I'm almost paralyzed. I couldn't think of doing a photo until after we turned around and were halfway out of the swamp. Everything I looked at seemed so exquisite and of course moving. I didn't feel able to do anything but marvel. We all were quite quiet. Followed tags (actually ribbon flags like trail builders and hunters use) on the trees left by fishermen, to find the main channel. The swamp is so huge that it would be easy to get lost.

With the sun bearing down, I tried out my new light, sliver-topped, hiking sun-umbrella. It worked pretty well tucked under backpack straps. Except when we got back to the creek with strong wind from the east, the umbrella acted as a sail and I couldn't control it. It obscured the upper part of the head-mounted camera video. I must find a better way to mount my sun shade. Or mount the camera out of the way on the kayak.

When back at Dead River Landing Park, I didn't find an easy way to get out of the kayak. A friend tried to help. Later she said that maybe she just got in the way. I said that I'm so used to being independent that I don't know how to use help when offered. I fell into the water and came up grabbing for my phone that was stuck in my pocket. Another friend instantly wiped it dry. After a try, it still worked. I had forgotten that at Blue Springs I drenched my other camera.

Strangely I seemed to have plenty of energy after the outing to dry the kayak. Looked at the GoPro head-mounted camera's beautiful, even if tipped to the left, recording of the entire couple of hours. All three friends posted photos to Facebook and got lots of likes.

2017-04-04

Idea of the day was to do "about the making" of WFSU TV nature stories and maybe it could be about Rob Diaz de Villegas. I'd like to tag along and document how WFSU does it. Who comes? What questions asked? What shots get? How long does it take? What equipment is used? Does audience determine info gathered? How spontaneous is it? Is there a script? Note: this blog page has a link to the CRS video and all posts by Rob: http://blog.wfsu.org/blog-coastal-health/?p=10216 This is his link: http://blog.wfsu.org/blog-coastal-health/?author=2 I paged back to "older posts" and this is the last one: http://blog.wfsu.org/blog-coastal-health/?author=2&paged=17. Does not go back to 2008 when he got started there.

Note: Days later I realized "tagging along" would be impractical. I get tired sooner, walk slower, and they would have to provide extra transport for me. I might be in the way of the crew or get into the picture inappropriately. I will not pursue this.

2017-04-03

Again the Noos-letter of the Foundation for the Law of Time has words that seem to tie into my visions, even though I can't follow their mythology. "TimeSpace 6 experiment of receiving messages from across the bridge of time. It needs your help as probes, as anchors, as conduits and beacons. Each one of you knows exactly what to do and how to do it." That sounds like the antennae.

2017-04-01

Did it all start with seeing the mist person arising from Eastern Lake? We aren't so different, being forms of water. Seems like I acknowledged a consciousness there. What a beyond the beyond morning.

I get that it's the green that is photosynthesizing that is related to awareness. Then my mind said, the plants are showing green when photosynthesizing but we are photosynthesizing. But that doesn't make any sense because we have this, what to us is opaque (covering pineal gland). There are so many frequencies around. It might not be sunlight. But that we are processing something like photosynthesizing. Freqphotos. Freqsynthesizing. Supersynthesizing. And that part of our being we know little about.

When I first mentioned supersynthesis I saw a trident and I remembered in So America. Just now I saw it going up like that into a peace sign and then the tendrils, maybe three more wiggly up above that. It's kind of a ... oh, its spinning. It's a fantastic kind of antenna thingie. I wonder if it just happens when you're out in nature tuning in, or if I'm making it up or if it happens all the time and I'm tuning (actually said turning) into it now.

Had the thought, don't worry about roads through the forest, it's doomed as are you. And I thought, right now, can tune in. The thing is, what if I tune in galactically now that we're here? Out came fronds like splurt. They came around and then in and then up forward. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh (camera traces the right half of a splurt). And that tip was multidimensional. It's not just one scissor point. I can't see them all. I know they're there.

I wonder what I could pick up? What could I bring back? What would be clear contact? The base of the scissor handles revolve and resolve into a Major Transformation Body. That's where I'm at. Even though the Galactic MET antenna is sort of omnidirectional, it has roots going down, so we know where it is from. It's not just psychic, it's also personalized. It still is orienting, turning around its axis. What have I seen that does that on earth? Some kind of radar maybe? I don't know. Like it turns, stops, goes back and forth, back, forth, all the way around. Like it is keying in. But it's fast. I think it's way faster than I can see. It's just showing me that.

When I got to this area I tuned in to the antenna again and saw whirling of the glow stuff in the middle. Looks just like what I drew. Whirling donuts both ways in each donut, like fiber optics. Then I saw that the whole array was tilting. There are several of them. Not just one. They not only turn but they tilt.

Interesting when I looked up parrot pitcher plant on computer, there was one journal find, it was when I walked up here before. At that very time I was looking into the circle of 9, wanting to know where to go from the MET. Maybe that suggested this to me? I'm always skeptical. But it seems like an evolutionary array established either by me, or in me, or of me. {See also a page for this.}

2017-03-28

Lionel said Nancy was having tests. I just realized what a great battle it must be to be failing tests with every therapy. Physical is acceptable, people can commiserate and celebrate victory. Mental is more like assumption. For her it must be most of the battle to accept dysfunction enough to accept the shame we always feel when we don't remember something. I did it three times last night when I was feeling sorry for Nancy. But she has others constantly judging her, assuming she's in better shape, finding her lacking in so many ways.

I've got to go but amazingly, looking at the video clips from Blue Springs yesterday has gotten me into that bliss body state. Is it endorphins? I can hardly move (to get up); I'm so moved inwardly with all my muscles and cells just vibing with joy.

Strange strange life. The bliss soured. Still druggy but tinged with annoyance, impatience, fear of miscalculating something and goofing up, sadness, trying to stay balanced, neutral, making effort. Intensity of not bliss. The PO was not open (back in 5 min.) and cloud came over making it seem like maybe showers coming. Walked with big umbrella. Someone chatted with me saying just put some stamps on it, good to go. Making me realize how constrained and tight I am about my role with Nancy. I would do that for myself though. I didn't want to walk on the beach with sandals, but ran into gravel paths instead, which is like walking on nails. Probably walked half a mile. Sunny, and way too hot. Will have to walk indoors 3.75 hour.

Somehow I feel incredibly decisive today. I will stay here until a hurricane blows me away. Then I'll go to the Pine Barrens and tough it out alone, but close to family. I just threw out all the bird, nature, Sierra magazines with unfinished reading. I can't bear to read about eco climate change imperiled life since today Trump has trounced us all. I can't bear to read about how we have just a moment to save ourselves and all life on this planet, yet know that moment has passed.

After they were tossed, should I just walk? Turned on the TV. The whale calf was about to be attacked by the bears and killer whales. It felt like me. Turned it off. 15 minutes of walk to go. Then thought of the poems of Han Shan. Perhaps I should learn Chinese or whatever it would take to enable me to translate the rest of the 300 poems ascribed to my mythical cohort. I started with a Gary Snyder poem, then looked for it in the Burton 100. Found it. Started with another. Looked at the clock. I had walked the 15 minutes and 10 extra. Clearly, this is the way to walk.

Han Shan has been my partner all these years. Shih Te now sounding like shit-ty. Isn't it amazing how the mind works? Assuming my mind is like others. I'm angry with Nancy. Just like being angry with Leo for dying. Not that but angry that I don't have the dear person I once had. Wow, I really wonder what Lionel and Kazue, her grand children will perceive. Will they care about her diet? Her meds? Will they be able to do anything to change her path? How will they determine her resources? Will they expect me to do things that I won't? They have to know my limits.

True, I see Nancy as a friend to the end and will be there in love for her. Is she fading away?

2017-03-27

The day was great, kayaking at Blue Springs. I rediscovered how just being in a boat on water is a wonderful experience for me.

Big features were the frogs, all black, streaming and streaming from the second pool to the right, north, which must be another pool source. I had set up the GoPro between my legs. The video is exquisite. I probably will not go back to narrow angle, lower-resolution again for environmental stuff like that. 4K is worth it.

For me the tiny white things that make rainbows seem like the whole bottom is a crystal source. That's part of what sent me into the bliss. Kind of like meditation when I get so intense, so grateful, so filled with beauty that if I don't release sensations of expanding, contracting, unmoving, I might burst or collapse. The less I clutch or tense the greater the sensations.

I got out my umbrella and tried to position it, which greatly relieved that sun burning. The others got to the sandbar at the junction of the Econfina Creek and were getting out of their boats, off SUPs. I did too. I tilted my kayak and camera slid toward water. Actually got dowsed before I retrieved it. Pulled out battery, wiped it down with bandannas and placed it in sun to dry. Before we left I couldn't resist trying it and it was working.

Do not know why I stopped doing GoPro. It is waterproof.

Karen plunged her foot in sand and it became a bubbling up vent for something. Why air? It was supposed to be water. Mysterious and so wonderful. Finally we all sat down facing the spring outfall, which was shaded by a tree. It was just so beautiful.

When we came back and lingered in the area where we could see the stairs, I stopped photographing and became entranced by the beauty of everything. It was constantly changing. Particularly beautiful to me are fish, the animation of the environment. Then seeing 1/2" tiny little stroke fish swimming just like the 6" ones.

At the pool edge were a couple of people that my friends engaged and finally let them try a paddleboard. The guy was wonderfully helpful in carrying my heavy boat bag. Then we walked to see the sinkholes. Leslie doing live Facebook. All very fun.

2017-03-26

Walked to the orchid restoration site. The opposite bank of the creek is cleared. Heavy equipment there. Verified a few more orchid sprouts and the butterworts are doing well. Jeff sent me an online marker to the new pitcher plant plantings. I visited Nancy after that.

2017-03-25

Beach walked because Audubon reported two snowy plover nests. I saw two snowys. SNPLs //B:S//RK (saw last year 5/29 called "dad" ?)) and S//:W//B (saw 7/18 and 8/25 last year).

2017-03-24

I am feeling the pleasure of talking to the local PBS TV station nature video person about including my video on TV. I get so little human feeling of being wanted for my art. I must enjoy it for all it is worth. My darling Caroling deserves that as part of her life portfolio. Rob Diaz de Villegas says the segment will show on Local Routes on March 25 at 7PM CDT. Even more exciting is that he might pursue the Restoration story.

Walked to the Bog or Pitcher Plant meadow which has been mowed. Yellow flowers are almost done and green pitcher leaves are about to rise.

2017-03-23

One reason this whole incident of Nancy's adventure with health care sucks in all senses of the word, is that it is a whole new world that I'm exploring, for good or bad but probably inevitable. I'm fascinated by the dynamics, just as I was by the work world. The school world. The dropped-out artist world. Ways of being. How lucky I am to have been able to experience, interact with but not get consumed by them. I feel like a silver bullet somewhat, if that means you do a job but it does not do you. Blah blah, I don't say what I mean because what I say rings dull, not to the point, so don't get hooked on it.

2017-03-22

Need to offer my awareness failings up to awareness. Thinking of how my mother tried to offer up positive guidance when she realized I was interested in a path. The notable attempts and failures were with sex and art. When she realized I was having boyfriends, but we never had talked about it, I was on my own, she gave me a black lace nightgown. Well, that was so far from my interest in sleeping naked. Dead end. If that happened now I would try to explain. Same with the book about being a portrait artist. Total disdain on my part. No feeling of communication, despite her efforts.

This is where I raise my arms straight up from the elbow to awareness, asking for release. I offer this package of how it was. 

Continuing this entry a week later. Jeff Talbert reported newly planted 1400 pitcher plants in Deer Lake State Park.

2017-03-21

Recoiling from Nancy and everything about her, her friends, my involvement, the fact that I should clean my house to help her friends help her. Recoil sounds like self care. Not good to be uncoiled. My mind is stuck and racing, I guess we call that spinning wheels. Maybe this is grief. I'm just so completely upset.

2017-03-20

I am continually amazed at the negative judgmental quality and quantity of my responses. Particularly, I don't like my friend's art. Often I think landscape photos are sentimental, repeats of trite responses. Political things often seem like rants. Inspirational things are useless, hyped, hypocritical.

Even now as Nancy is obviously not asleep, I'm feeling rejected. Others get to see a positive Nancy. When I feel unwanted and unvalued, I react my wanting to mutually reject. Mind is saying with relief, that I won't come back for a week. I won't come back until I have to. I hope she dies. It is astounding how hurt I feel. When feel hurt, want to hurt, knee jerk reaction. I must be giving from a superficial place, that seems to diminish me or require recognition. Why can't I just channel life energy, healing force that just flows through?

2017-03-19

Walked lake2lake. Updated the Galactic MCS color healing graphic for the year 2017, despite last year's insight that I was to forgo these time/space celebrations. I have too much history to just discard my practices. The healing was for Nancy and me, Han Shan and Shih Te. I got the munes for our birthdays, with Is and Friend in between. How chancy is that?

Only one photo might really be art. 4832 of the vertical and the horizontal. Maybe add to an awareness collection. The rest are just documenting state of the present, with special interest to annual and previous states of this familiar place. Or they are pointed at something I thought was beautiful and are reminders, but so far from the original perception that they just won't do.

2017-03-18

Worn out by the garbage, grocery, and Nancy mail sagas. Worn out by demands. So is Han Shan about me and Nancy. Maybe this should be a Nancy page? Then it would be in caroling/people. It is not about ink painting. Is it about books? I need to listen to Gary Snyder. Maybe Nancy and I are like an uncelebrated version of the last generation of the men of letters or whatever of letters that they were that corresponded in the 50s and 60s. {Except we are not men and we have not written letters in this millennium. Email, yes.}

2017-03-16

ECMS meditation night was excellent and went well even though the circle was small.

Such a profound meditation. The state of intensity had a somewhat different quality than usual. I had some of the enclosing the circle feelings, like permeating and infusing or intensifying. expanding. uplifting. More being there, not here. But one great insight was beyond connecting. If thinking “connect” there's a consciousness of disconnectedness, separation. But in reality there is no separation. It doesn't mean there is no space or perception of distinct qualities that can be described as separate. Had this ringing kind of feeling when seemingly disparate concepts are held in truth to both be true. It is a higher function of mind which is a (what is that word for a low c and a high c that is a replica or harmonic) harmonic of a more basic knowing. I've known this state as the undivided. (Trying not to think of the seeming contradictions of that is where divided by 0 is). I've thought of the Noint Joint as a gateway between the undivided and the divided. Maybe that is seeing the tops of the waves. But below the waves is continuousness. Continuity.

So I acknowledged commonality. This happened with everything. But the vertical column and the whirling particles were connection with Nancy, giving and receiving. Personal and group. Then there was perception of changing of particles. Was it sacred geometry thrusts? Expansion of consciousness. No. It was my perception mode being time and space. OK the connection did not need concept results from spacial perception. The changes in form are from the time perception. These perceived changes in form are all simultaneously true but the way I experience them is fluctuating in time. Noticing different characteristics as though they were different shapes in time. When in reality there is no time. It is hard to admit when we are so taken up by the characters we are playing in this charade or experiment in awareness. It is hard to recognize that time is a feature of our wave tips and not of reality. I had a couple of orgasms. One where I felt my body and even facial features quickly morph through shape shifting like the particles I had observed. There was or were several slices of vastly different scale, the tiniest trickle. That was more bodily felt. As the smaller it was, the faster. Chains or strings of sluices.

With all this struggles of comprehension, it might seem that my meditation was one big distraction into visions. But that was a small aspect of being uncontained and the extreme of love, caring, vulnerability, fallibility, no barriers. Feeling of being just on the very edge of bursting.

I forgot to write about my great Han Shan idea. Connecting through my early Zen ink painting. Hiking and Hiku. Warm Smiles from Cold Mountain book by Reb. Cold Mountain poems book I loaned to Nancy. Books she gave back. Gary Snyder. Need to bring DVD in and listen for the parts that relate. Ah why did he read about Mu Chi's persimmons?

2017-03-15

I was at my friend's rehab center to see her off as she is being moved to another rehab center. I received the discharge papers intended for family members. The contents has bothered me ever since. I did errands on my way to the new rehab center. There were her family members and my friend in bed in a very warm room. Having trouble keeping it together. I had lost her book, papers and toiletries somewhere on the way. In journal, I say I'm exhausted and can't keep this up. Period.

2017-03-12

Knee still hurting. When visiting my friend, had a vision of wavy radiating lines out and sparkly parcels whirling or pulsing around 6” halo of head. My heart goes bonkers when I feel her cold feet. Memories of mother in the rest home with cold feet in the morning. That night at 1:30AM my mother died. But Nancy did not.

2017-03-11

Leo Geary's old birthday. My time has been divided between visits to my friend in rehab and recuperating from the visits in between. Today so glad I hiked in the forest. The deer lichen seems to be talking in chemicals that report wind characteristics, light, air pressure, moisture and other features unknown to me. They seem to have a oneness that is much greater than I feel with humans. Like there is deer lichen, a being, with various sense nodes. Do not get a time sense.

It seems like I am that being too, in the family, with a consciousness that thinks it abides in a human body. I think the deer lichen is my family because of the degree of awareness. Looking around the forest green of awareness. Wanting to make every aspect of my website greener. Maybe change all hover and clicks to be awareness greens.

My knee has been painful off and on for a couple of days. Leg hurt mildly during walk. Not bad getting in and out of car. Suddenly at home really painful.

2017-03-06

I went to Nancy's group, the First Monday Salon. The guest speaker was Imam Amr Dabour, of the Bay County Islamic Center. It was a warm and info-packed speech urging facts supporting tolerance. We got a group picture to send to Nancy.

2017-03-05

Sheewho and I walked in an Audubon Nature Preserve, which is a well-used maybe homeless-inhabited Panama City park. But we found some beauties, a star anise and a tiny titi bloom. When we got to the hospital, Ted and Nancy were probably talking. Nancy was not under the covers and hands were warm. So all the fuzzy cold things I brought were in vain.

She held my hand and talked of a foot issue. She said I had said something about preparing her feet to get ready to go somewhere in HealthSouth. All I could think of was when I was there Friday I had said something about breaking tasks into small steps. If you want to walk, the first step is to move your leg to the side of the bed. So practice that part of it until you are good at it. Then sit up. Then move body to side of bed. Don't try to do it all at once. But when I reminded her of that, she couldn't relate to it. Maybe she interpreted that or heard something different than what I was trying to say.

The other thing is her feet. They are turned up at the toes. Tense. When I touch them, can't relax. Need to get foot massage. Reflexology. Note, on 3-07 her feet were relaxed. Maybe it was an expression of the moment.

2017-03-04

At a local meeting for Beach Ambassadors (volunteers who are information centers for our beach in south Walton County, Florida), I sat there, transfixed, fascinated with the info, involved. But at the end, rooted to chair, I just can't take on another level of busywork, responsibility, so I did not join the Friends of South Walton Sea Turtles, the parent organization, which is necessary to register and get the T-shirt uniform.

2017-03-01

Our Emerald Coast Meditation Society speaker canceled so we had to innovate by devoting the meeting after meditation to Nancy Ann James. Tracey read from Nancy's article. We had some discussion. During the final short meditation, Cindi read something while we held a space for Nancy and sent healing energy according to our own practices. We took a group photo to show Nancy.

I enjoyed meditation and despite numerous Nancy-linked thoughts was able to get beyond. At one point there was this fine light golden torus, that not forcefully, but powerfully and unable to be resisted, expanded out of sight.

At home for yoga I cast a color healing. I'm seeing (envisioning) a spaced-out Wholeo Symbol. The spacers are friend (left) and make (right). It might be straightened to five columns. Expanded consciousness. Background of the healing is definitely green awareness.

2017-02-25

I'm crying for myself, I guess. I got up at 6 something, took a shower. Then started laundry. Now drinking tea. Feeling utterly tired for starters. I do not want to drive or go out. I do not want to have any outside responsibilities. I am at the edge of caring for myself. How can I care for another? I'm looking at the trees out back, half toasted by a controlled burn. Here's a haiku.

My friend bled. Not dead
Trees out back half-toasted by
A controlled burn

2017-02-24

O I got some guidance. I am suffering today. Last night and this morning almost into leg cramps. Realized I didn't get enough water yesterday. Suddenly am transfixed with Betty's stare. She was shocked beyond recognition. Not sad. Just maintaining herself amid tidal waves of grief. Such feeling. Yes, hospitals zap energy.

Making breakfast I opened myself to what I could do to maintain health when caregiving. Cinnamon, cinnamon was the instant reply. It brought back the cinnamon toast of my childhood. Thin sliced bread, crispy with butter, sugar and cinnamon. Delicious. Interesting how I remember the pleasant things of being in the big bed, studying tree branches to the sky, listening to the Lone Ranger on the radio. But none of the pain of being sick. Cut into 4 squares. I put it on my toast here and like the addition, without butter and sugar. There is something health giving about childhood healing memories and substances. Body responds. I must ask Nancy to remember. {Have not had a chance. A friend from Minnesota remembers the same cinnamon toast, though.}

2017-02-23

After a beach walk with friends, I spent the day sitting in Nancy's hospital room. When I came in, Ted (her son) was reading from a Buddhist book. She likes that when she is awake. I read to her some. Later she really slept. So much so that the doctor could hardly wake her. He is a fine person but he is rather brusque in getting her attention. In the afternoon, I noticed she was moving around and wakeful. She wanted more reading. I enjoyed it too. Getting near 5 o'clock, the end of visiting hours, she waved her hand "bye-bye". I guess that means she sees the clock and reads the time. I got my stuff together. There is WI-FI, so I had my laptop and all to pack up.

As I was leaving, she put her hands together in prayer position. I have never seen her do that except before and after meditating. You have to imagine this was a mighty gesture since her arms are laden with tubes and the hand she fell on is swollen. She nodded and I felt a "Namaste". That felt so good as I bowed in return. In Japanese it is "gassho". So grateful as I bowed to her too. This page provides background and depth to this practice: http://www.existentialbuddhist.com/tag/gassho/. At meditation meetings, Nancy bows, giving thanks to the universe and our seats before and after meditation.

However, at night I wrote: Zostipated.

2017-02-22

Awareness. I tried to draw what I'm imagining for the heart circles for graphic for awareness. Mind keeps substituting attention and awakening. My idea is overall pattern of an O pierced or dented by A from below into an upside down heart. And an O pierced from above by a V into a heart. Also there was a background animated GIF that would gradually morph the background into a coming and going, lightening and darkening sort of deep pile rug texture. Not enough to disrupt text reading but to have an alive, breathing character.

I once did a background graphic that did something similar. Glimmered. Lookout? Color healing?

Should I face it that according to my visions, Nancy is actually gone? The lavender expansion cloud. The immortality check circle dance? Or were those test modes and she has a choice to come back? I need to meditate or something to get guidance.

Looking at the "bink of awareness out of body" and that is the graphic I need. The "you are here" PNG is promising. Instead of a heart it is a circle of three checks or Vs. Getting Zen reverberations. There are three truths. Isn't it absurd maybe that I feel closer to Nancy, more in communication, more like I'm doing her good by being here rather than there. Seeing the glow of awareness in the link to Elobeing design (Elobing?) it seems that could be the graphic I need. Just the glow part.

2017-02-21

Mind seems unable to wake up. Decisionless. It's hard to face that I spend so much time in dreamland that I'm lousy at reality compared to others that dwell on the human social level out there all the time. I'm fickle. I snap back into loner unexpectedly. I love you Caroling. Human relations are so difficult because being human is difficult to start with.

Got to the hospital before Lauri, Martin, and Ted (her son from Hawaii). Talked to Nancy. She turned her head to me and opened the left eye and looked at me briefly. She moved her mouth as if to speak. But I don't know if she couldn't or the breathing tube down her throat prevented it. I breathed with her. Short inhale. Long exhale. At least five times as long. Ted says the ventilator controls that. When it senses that she is breathing on her own, it will taper off. That is the goal here in the ICU. She has mittens on her hands because she was trying to tear the life support stuff off of her head. Half of her hair is shaved and I got a picture of her stitched skull. I took some video until nurse said it was not allowed.

Ted calls Pard/Martin Duffy. Why is there a bell occasionally? Nurse is Britney. Ted is sleeping. We have the door closed. Ted left at 1. He has a car and needs rest. Nancy occasionally raises left arm and moves left leg. Lauri explained that the trauma to the right side of her brain causes activity in left side of body. That wasn't what I would have expected. Is it stimulating her right brain? They talked of damage. So I would have thought it was the left side that would be intact.

Coming over here in traffic today had marvelous update on the checks and circles vision. Remembered how the Imagine circle folded in half and in perspective looked like a heart/valentine shape. Then saw a check pierce in the top of a circle and dent out the bottom of the circle, creating a heart shape. The evolution of the animation music. Perhaps a sound aspect I didn't get. Then realized the classic valentine of the Cupid's arrow piercing the heart. Maybe this is the analog of that. Check = arrow.

Then saw and focused on the huge truckload of small logs. I had seen it way back in traffic, thinking to avoid being behind because it is slow getting started at lights and can't see around it. Switched lanes and proximity a few time. Finally beside it, communing with the life forms. Saying I love you trees and am dismayed that you are cut from your life roots in the soil, bundled and hauled in foreign manner away to you don't know where. Like slaves packed into the hold of a ship, torn from their lives and relatives.

But I see your beauty and connect with your cells. Got into a rapport dance with the cells, like drops or elements of water with no allegiance to any container, always in monumental joy. Got into the life rings of each log. How everything is change and transformation. Someday these parts might be chips or pressed into shapes to make furniture, the cells having long unpredictable life.

There is a beeper insinuating into consciousness like a needle, needling my ear-brain.

I'm home after driving through heavy rain, sitting down to eat at 6:30. I decided to leave at 4:30. Just as I had said my goodbye for the night to Nancy, the doctor appeared. He knocked on her breastbone and hit her a bit. "Nancy, wake up. How are you?" Finally she looked at him with recognition she was being addressed. Like who are you to bang me around? He asked her a question. What was it? She bent her head forward, chin a bit down to answer yes. He said she has to begin breathing. Her brain has to tell her that. I kept suggesting things that might help. Would friends, music, talking help? He did not admit anything but that it has to come from her. Maybe I should ask her if she wants to live. Yes that's what I will do.

2017-02-20

Today while driving to get groceries, suddenly I experienced check marks and circles in drumming music energy patterns and it is Nancy. She loves bluegrass. We had discussed Al's death and his belief via Sai Baba in eternity of the soul. On his death bed she whispered in his ear to please show her that there is no death.

But she now seemed to be showing me. Yes, I'm spirit, she seemed so enthusiastically wondrously ecstatic to be something she had always been completely skeptical about.

But you know me. How to tell imagination from reality? I say, enjoy it, give it full scope, but don't necessarily give it reality status or belief.

2017-02-19

Lauri called at 7 telling about Nancy falling and having blood on brain, en route from Sacred Heart to Bay Medical. I went and saw Nancy with tubes in arms, nose, mouth and IVs. Dr. gave a really bad prognosis. Subdural Hematoma. People are trying to think she'll recover but according to him she will never be normal again. One option was to do nothing and let her go. I was so sad. Tom, her brother, decided to do the surgery. Martin, Lauri, and I waited to 1:30 for the doctor to say the surgery was successful, took out clot and could not see more bleeding. Would know if OK by another CAT scan tomorrow. I wanted to do Zen vigil. But waited to 2:15 in room by myself. Finally left, just too tired.

I had a vision of death expansion pale fine lavender like the nuclear explosion mushroom cloud I saw for mother maybe 6 hours before she died. Earlier was the green column, strictly vertical. I also saw Nancy out of her body watching it and wandering around over up where we were for a moment. I'm trying to remember joyous moments for her.

2017-02-18

Awareness journey. I'm fixing some food in the kitchen, thinking about the art > SV>computer> horizVert conversion of QT to HTML5 that I've just done, uploaded to web and tested with computer. Now have to try mobile. When suddenly I'm back on that rounded bridge outside the little convenience store in the fog in the evening in Lucerne, Switzerland in 1954. Why this memory?

To describe it again (I feel that I've done this in writing before because it has come into my thoughts so often over the years since being there in 1954) I have to also say it was toward the end of my journey in Europe. I was disappointed that I couldn't see the Alps, the mountains, the lake, the beauty that I had read about Lucerne.

Hmm discern, Lucid, Luce, light. Mt. High. Lake, inner pool. symbolic. I think it also had reverberations with 1957 in SF at the top of Fillmore street, also a hill, also in the fog, also a convenience store with wine, which was not my habit, not familiar to me, with French bread and cheese. A feeling of inner well being, a pause to appreciate. The fog preventing projecting objectively, from looking out there.

Could see it as a concrete and metaphor for expanding awareness within.

But in the kitchen, now, it seemed like a return to expand awareness of the message that came to me then about horizontal and vertical. Horizontal the experience of life on earth, practical journey, physical, in 3D. Vertical the inner experience, awareness, no D, Art. This kind of basic ways of growing was important. Suddenly it seems irrelevant. Everyone knows this. Why do I keep saying my first word?

It definitely relates to the VR that I just made. I suppose I need to link it to more of my jabbering.

To go on to the squeaks. I heard these in the kitchen before and thought it was multiD. And turned on my multiD communicator (both a method/tool and an actor). This time it really seemed like it must be mice in the wall reacting to the cooking smells. Or some expansion of metal, maybe in the cupboard above, heating up. Or relationship with the sink in the other condo.

The psycho-comedy happened yesterday, as I drove back into the TDC parking lot to end our walk by dropping Colleen off. We had been discussing how to meet next week. I didn't get her suggestion to meet in Topsail and was focused on trying to imagine what to say. I came to the place where I had parked before Colleen came. I thought I would see my car there. I grew increasingly nervous about pulling in there and fighting the idea that my car was stolen. I slowed way down and finally said to Colleen. "Where is your car?" She said "Farther down." I say, "My car was there, that's where I parked. Where is my car?" She said, "You are in it".

This huge relief came when I realized I was driving my car. It seemed enormously funny. We laughed and then had an explosive burst of really fantastic deep laughter. Still to this moment, I'm sure I've never had such displaced consciousness before. I don't know much about it, why mind expected car to be there. Except maybe that being the driver is not my main mode. most of my life I've been the passenger. Maybe had something to do with driving the decision about Topsail. When I came to, as I pulled in to park, I thought that I had been distracted by the conversation. Said something about multitasking, multi-mind and I realized about Topsail hike, I should just pick them up. And she agreed.

2017-02-16

Thinking about awareness. Fleeting. So diaphanous that I doubt it can, that is, that I can write it honestly enough.

In the kitchen a couple of days ago, I kept hearing a high tweeting, faintly. Of course it could have been something from the units or outdoors around me. But unusual, attention getting. So I talked back, virtually. It was as if my efforts to talk dolphin way back had taught me high frequency transmission. Didn't last too long. In fact I assigned it to a subroutine and believe I carried on without much attention to it.

ECMS. Psychic meditation from the start last night. It started with Tibetan aura waves, fractal visions of particular color. The background was emerald maybe. Edged with purple maybe. But the part I represented was a light deer lichen, spa color. As the art swirled and flowed I needed to keep the lightness and the channel open. It was a communication. It was like beings, I could say alien because they are not familiar except being expressions of consciousness in awareness. So the communication was a mind art and I was this particular color or wavelength.

It involved telling the other or them that we were doing this activity. And also I was harmonizing with the various mind states of the group. It evolved into my being able to breathe and let go visualizing, but at the same time continuing art flow and also trade winds. That is, I was beyond, somewhere, doing what they were doing here. On an adventure, exploring, meeting new friends, learning, experiencing aspects of being so intense, so fresh, so unexpected, undreamed of before.

On another level several times I tuned into the pain of my clothes and certain features of my posture. But was not controlled by that at all. Tuned in and out a few times. Suddenly the color world returned almost like afterimage. The background was red and the edges and channels were different colors. I was there but clueless as to the significance or meaning.

2017-02-15

This is the 20th Anniversary of Caroling's web site. If it were a wedding, the color would be (Emerald Green). On the first news page, the earliest entry is on 2/14/97 for Valentine's Day and my daughter's birthday. At first I didn't note when pages were created. I'm just happy for the online history. It is a web of awareness.

2017-02-14

Walkthought. Happy birthday and Valentine's Day to me for birthing and my daughter for being born.

I should change the definition of Wholeo to be awareness. That encompasses personal practices (most local and time-bound), imagination, and global, galactic, multi-dimensional. Awareness knows no boundaries (or all boundaries) small or large.

Missing from all this is initial thoughts that awareness is my god. Remembering conversation with Yaani and all the features we found in common with the undivided. But different was the idea that god could incarnate as an individual. Stays dualistic in my view. Whereas non-dual is it. Also lacking in my world is the ability to talk to god. That's Yanni's most precious part, the god friend, mentor. Suddenly thinking that is like what I do when I talk to myself. That is unspecified, undivided unnameable self. Awareness, it is talking to awareness.

I remember often in my art life thinking that the content is what interests me. Not the technique or representation of anything familiar or fantasy primarily, although everything interests me. It is content that I like and want to embody, possibly to deliver.

2017-02-12

Woke with many dreams. I had wanted dreams to correlate with reading Tibetan Yogas of Dream and Sleep, by Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche. Aware that I should do something with them but I never brought the dreams into awareness. I just had a teaser or trailer of a string of them but did not re-member them. Now wondering what they were.

My mind went immediately to this sense of gloom that I noticed last night. I've been paying more attention to my feelings and that includes general mood. The general is hard to account for. Given the same array of life conditions, sometimes I feel this bouncy irrepressible joy. Usually it is just a kind of pleasant sense of adventure trying to find a way to come to terms with daily chores and knowing my work is ahead or doing it. But a sense of general sadness is not often. Even depressed gets me in a pit where I find my priorities.

So that's where I went from dreams, I attended to my mental state. Is it the political situation? Am I getting prescient, premonitions of some kind of local KKK clamp down on my freedom? Is it feeling empathy with someone whose beautiful mind is so locked up in judgmental decisions that she can't act to escape her self-created negativity. Is it some inner health condition that one day will hemorrhage or attack or break down so I can't carry on?

Wow, that's what the book's fourth dream state is about: facing your fears. These are fears, not anything concrete. As it is, I'm in good shape. I'm developing a few friends, my artwork is exciting, I have a good food source and enough money. My health doesn't impact me except hearing and slowdown. I have to FEEL my FEARS. So I was doing dreamwork. Tibetans learn to do it lucidly while sleeping.

But how do I know except when remembering when I wake up? I was about to like my dreamwork method, say it was preferable for me. But I learned to do dreamwork. I think that lucid dreaming is a human potential that I haven't learned to do. My sleeping mind should have capabilities, unknown to me.

So do I try to find a dream group here? I have a book about lucid dreaming that I should try to read. When I went to the shelf, directed my gaze, put out my hand, it was right in front of my grasp. Hmm, grasping is not what I want to do. How about grip?

My mood has changed from angst to happy feeling that I'm doing everything right. How super that there is a store that I love to go to open at 7AM every day. I get to the door and it doesn't open. I see the 8 and know the hours have changed. So I decide to take a walk. Maybe I can go in the woods.

The banks to the wetlands were steep so I just enjoyed the adventure. Birds, roses, eventually titi blooming, all on my phone. Wow, what an up and down, in and out, good and bad, experiencing polarities to the fullest. Hello awareness. The last one is the worst. I'm enjoying my rather new interest in driving expertly, trying to coast to red lights etc. Being aware of all drivers around me. I had an up at an intersection with two cop cars, two ambulances and a fire truck. As I went past feeling sad, I then could psychically reach out with tender caring feelings and cushion the hurt, envelope auras in protective cocoons, channeling healing energy which is free, just directing the flow. Felt more conscious awareness of this natural human response. Even in pictures and stories and communicating and making such awareness available and preserved in time. Even though it is a transitory world. Within it is its own intensity.

Pretty much cruising home a tailgater seemed to be getting closer and closer. Crack! A stone hit and broke a star in my windshield glass. Last thoughts were ironic laugh cry at how the vicissitudes of my day that I had ultimately enjoyed so were now crashed.

About awareness, it is the intensity that counts. I was honing my driving skills. Every driving experience is unique, but past experience can hone it. So the older you are and the more attention you have paid to your driving, the more interesting it can be. Because there's more information and more choices. The thing that makes it fun is the other drivers. I was driving 7 miles over the speed limit, so it varied in 45 and 55 mph zones between 50 and 60. The other car was driving 55, no matter what, but in the fast lane. I thought my method was better, avoiding potential speeding tickets, but we ended up at the same light at the same time in Destin. What is interesting about that is that my feelings were intense. I was completely present. I was bringing all my past experience to bear and yet staying on my goal was to get in and out of Destin as quickly as possible. And yet there's the possibility of walking. So all these decisions are constantly in flux. Which is fascinating, I enjoy it. Bye by.

Thinking of Tim who said you can always learn something starting with where you are at in any given situation. For example, when Reagan came in I changed my whole life path. Even though I hated what he did. Something might have changed now that will affect me before I get home.

Big white rocks. Conservation area sign. What's the difference between DEP and EPA?

The great thing about growing old is that you have all these experiences, huge database that things relate to, increasing intensity. This morning I found myself dancing with orbits, thinking how wonderful that would look, thinking my next big project should be photographing myself dancing. It feels like I make these wonderful, aura-enhancing expressive moves that I would love to see on camera. I don't know exactly why. Do I want to show the world this thing? Do I just want to see what it looks like myself? Or does it look like how it feels inside? I think that's the basic why. I don't want to just do hiking pictures forever. It is fun thinking of ways to tell a story but to get on with my own inner development I need something more.

Later when the thought thread reemerged, I recognized I had recorded the orbits during yoga before. What it related to most took me back to living in Minneapolis at The Place, when I was living with Mel. I had this feeling that I wanted to do a big painting, an environmental painting. All I had done was little ink paintings and 4x6' canvases. I had never done something where I could kind of be in the painting. It wasn't until months or years later that I began to do them. That original framing of the intention lasted me through Mel leaving, NY, Staten Island, right through making Wholeo Dome. It was like this seed vision.

I think this dancing is kind of like that. A seed vision. And you only get that with long life. Like how life evolves into this lace of nothingness that doesn't have any permanent value in the universe, but Awareness is enjoying this evolving, wherever it is situated in low life. I wonder if I'm a tree somewhere that is living for 3,000 years and having a dream of being a person with a tiny short life.

2017-02-11

Enjoying email between my sister, her son, and me.

2017-02-07

Happy from last night's adventure at a local group meeting. Speakers were the biologists from Deer Lake State Park. It was so good to see and hear from them. Jeff looked pleased to get the book of Nancy's that I loaned him. I should explain that Nancy had read the first one and took me to the area kayaking. Jeff took and picked absolutely fine quality photos. Fun talking to people. Lonnie was coughing and he said that the cough drop I gave him worked instantly. Gratifying. Is it the mother instinct? No I think it is my mostly inactive or inoperative or inactive social animal in action. It is human to not be separate. Giving someone else a cure is as natural as giving one to yourself. Good to know I still have an inner human.

Good to be with a group of like-minded people. Someone asked the biologist if the EPA was important to the park or the project. Generally no. Next month an imam is coming to speak about his Muslim community. Today I hiked back and forth on our tiny nature trail to the lake, recording dialog for the first hike on the new CRS trail video.

Furiously trying to control urge to write and to research governmental issues. No matter what I find out there's not much I can do. I need to protect my anxiety quotient. There will be so many wrecks. I wish to be as clear to Awareness as possible. I know we are temporary, fragile trial story lines. I know awareness is just fascinated with the possible stories life can create. I know all is equal. Good things are no better ultimately than bad. I have no moral high ground. This is my year of allowing feelings. Maybe in Zen terms I am allowing them to control me. They are as valid as anything else about me though. Just experience them.

It is coming back to the same thing as before about my lineage, my babies. I love them and wish them to flourish. When I feel forces are aligning against them my feelings are afire, I'm enraged. But it is also true that it is just fear of probable outcomes. I can't even imagine the intensity if I knew of them hurt. O yes I can, I did experience the ultimate hurt of Leo's death. It is a pain feature of my life. Can tune into it as fiercely as if it just happened. These kids have their own story. Each lives it, whatever it is.

2017-02-06

Went to a local group where I had been instrumental in getting the biologists to come talk about restoration projects in our state parks. I never tire of hearing them speak. I especially enjoyed Jeff's photos that have gotten even more beautiful than before.

2017-01-31

Ciudad Colon, Costa Rica. This sounds like a great place to retire. I should check it out. The University for Peace has its headquarters in Costa Rica, a country distinguished by a long tradition of democracy. Costa Rica abolished its army in 1948, the former President, H.E. Oscar Arias Sánchez was awarded The Nobel Peace Prize in 1987 and the country continues to develop strong efforts for natural conservation - not to mention the friendly locals.

The closest town to the mountain on which the University is perched, is Ciudad Colon. Most of the students, staff and faculty members of the University reside in Ciudad Colon, making it one of the most multi-cultural places in the world for its size.

The Earth Charter is an international declaration of fundamental values and principles considered useful by its supporters for building a just, sustainable, and peaceful global society in the 21st century. Weather 68-74° F year round. About $600-700 flight from ECP.

2017-01-30

According to the eye doctor, my eyes are now 20/20. Mailed my passport for renewal. Got a Facebook message with a photo of a painting I had done about 1960. Fish tank from the collection of Cliff Olson, now owned by his son Steve. Solved tax problem with NASA. Great day.

2017-01-29

Hiked lake2lake. I removed a beautiful fox roadkill from the middle of the road. Too bad my first local fox had to be dead. I reviewed prejudices that I have lost. My parents must have taught me more about humanism than they did about their prejudices. Because I was prejudiced against Germans from the day I was born. My mom had been bullied all her childhood by a German family who lived up the road from her farm. That was reinforced all during WWII, which I lived through. I was prejudiced against rich people because of the depression and specifically a memory of them cheering when Roosevelt died. You would think the most deep-seated one would have kicked in when I worked with a German woman who got me a job as a stained glass designer. She grew up in Hamburg and came to the US after the war. I didn’t have a single problem with her, didn't connect her with her background.

On the beach in the Women’s March they had me talk about not marrying the man who worked as a bomb designer because I was against war and killing people. Not staying on in the job programming in the defense industry. Changed my career to tech writer and worked in telecommunications. Because I didn't want to support war, even if it was defensive.

Thinking about prejudices and biases that I’ve overcome and I think that's because of Unitarianism. Thinking of Nancy how her Buddhism grows out of Unitarianism and her professed political addiction against Christianity.

What wasn’t in this dialog is how my view of race evolved. In grade school there were two exotic girls that I never knew anything about at all. They might have been middle eastern. A Jewish girl that lived near me was a friend. Another friend expressed disdain that she smelled which was the first prejudice I encountered. Seemed baseless to me. More complex and in my family is views of colored people, Negroes, and finally blacks. My 10th grade teacher said, "the blacks are on the move" when we studied world history and current events. My mother worked at the post office and especially liked a black co-worker. She was stunned when her friend was fired for stealing checks from the mail. I think it was when I was maybe 17 or 19 and had a temporary job at the state fair when a black guy asked me out. My parents convinced me to break the date. I have no idea what the content of their disapproval was. But I complied and didn’t think much of it.

A breakthrough for me was a bus ride when I was 25. In front of me were some kids. To me the most adorable, attractive, fun, darling lovable beautiful kids I had ever seen. I remember being drawn, magnetized, wanting more of that kind of contact, life threads. Soon after that I met a black man with the same chemistry. Truthfully, it is only hindsight that gives him that label. I saw and related to a man. Got instantly pregnant. Aborted. Got married. Had a child. Got divorced. Had another child. Was the love of my life.

Decades later Nancy told me that my parents had visited her while I was living with Mel. Mother had cried about how she would never be able to live with and enjoy her grandkids. She implored Nancy to tell me not to marry. Nancy said she would not criticize her friend’s choices. To me she said she thought my mother was incredibly bigoted and wondered how I could have been that mother’s child. The main part of the story was that Mother babysat my children and had no prejudice against them their entire childhood. Except maybe when Liz was going to college. It was incredibly expensive, one year $19,000. Mother expressed what a waste since Liz would never use her education. I didn't know if that was because she thought Liz was not smart (wasn't high school valedictorian) or because she was black. Or what.

Watching myself at 11, ready for work, video editing.. What often happens at this point just happened. Suddenly I remember some irritatingly fascinating inquiry is incomplete. Just now, what must that important news person at CNN who is of Iranian descent be thinking, doing, publishing, now that Trump stopped Iranians and people from other countries accused of being terrorist but labeled as Muslim from traveling to the US? It is more shocking than his stopping of media and science communication because it is actual people and real other countries involved. Facebook it because stops programmers they need. People stopped from their vacations. Airports and embassies jammed with people banned from boarding planes. The most outrageous aspect of it is that he only stopped countries where he has no business ties. Turkey, Syria, Saudi Arabia have plenty of terrorists and plenty of Muslims but are not affected.

While looking at requirements to renew my passport, I seem to have done enough to mail it in.

On my passport issued in 2007, there are quotes at the top of each double page spread. Here's one on page 26-27: "The cause of freedom is not the cause of a race or a sect, a party or a class - It is the cause of humankind, the very birthright of humanity" Anna Julia Cooper.

"Let us raise a standard to which the wise and honest can repair" - George Washington

"Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, we shall bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of liberty" Kennedy.

2017-01-26

Video notes from hike on the DLSP Nature Trail and Pitcher Plant Meadow.

The whole is not a thing. The whole is a process. Every part is a project of the whole process. So all parts are processes and projects within the whole. We call it process-oriented wholeoism. The whole is greater than any of its parts. So it has processes and parts. Which are beyond anything we could imagine. The whole is not a container. The whole encompasses all processes. We call it process-oriented programming. What is programming? The whole process can not be defined which does not mean it does not, it does not exist. It is simply a concept of inclusiveness. The whole is inclusive. It is. It also is not. Trucks have definitely been more this way.

I leave the camera on in case a wild life should appear. I have a story to tell. Launch a pumpkin seed story. At Whole Foods I scooped some from a bulk bin into a bag. At home, I sprouted and dehydrated them. They exactly fit the container I had used previously. How could I have gotten the right amount?

GoPro camera is slightly tipped left again. Must be how I put it on. But it seems to get more tipped in time. Maybe right arm use, holding camera nudges the mount.

7:30 at meadow, singing. Note the premonitions I seem to be having. I say "I wonder if I will find orchid seed pods." The only ones I find the entire time come right into camera view on cue. I decide to stand on the stump and get photos from the same vantage point as before. Did get the triangle head leaf. Still beautiful. The same kind of thing happens later on the Nature Path with the golden mushrooms.

2017-01-24

The oyster mushrooms are 4" tall. I harvested them and cooked them for dinner with rice and veggies. Could not taste the mushrooms. I spent hours today trying to find a version of "Mother I feel You Under My Feet" song that Barbara sang on our forest march. I liked this one best:

Mother I feel you under my feet
Mother I feel your heart beat
Heya heya......
Mother I see you in the eagles flight
Spirit taking us higher and higher
Heya heya.....
Mother i hear you in the rivers song
Eternal water flowing on and on
Heya heya......
Mother I feel you when I hug a tree
I feel your roots going into me
Heya heya......

Here is sound cloud https://soundcloud.com/sound-of-light/mother-ohm-singing-circle-in

Maybe I could do a "how were these done" about the videos for publishing. On the day I have a March plan, which is usually mostly location, outdoors, with different respects to water. I now have three cameras: iPhone, Sony and GoPro. I also have mounts for them. I upload photos to Lumia (iMac) and r2t2 (external drive) with Image Capture and Finder via USB cables. Look at these in Adobe Bridge. Maybe make screen shots. Import them to Premiere Pro. Make notes on the files and clips. Start a sequence with bits of the clips and audio that help tell a story. Return to this after time. Do I want titles? Tweak audio? How do the different camera results enhance each other or stand alone? When I get it done, Export media. Go online and upload to Vimeo. Prepare web pages using Dreamweaver and Photoshop. Interlink them with online resources. Publish to Facebook, wholeo.net, and G+.

Publishing is the outer manifestation, the sharing aspect of my experiences.

2017-01-23

Had my right eye zapped by Poppell and sight is newly renewed. Later tested 20/20.

2017-01-21

Mushrooms are up.

Women's March on Washington. Make a spiritual energy container to support the marchers and love in general. Bob Bartz wrote about his teacher holding an event for that. Women's march is from 10AM-5PM EST which is 9AM-4PM CST. Leslie is on it with Joan. Leslie and SheeWho were going to Women's March Pensacola from 9-12AM. Then go with a bus to Tallahassee, now canceled. Leslie has sinus infection that I don't want to get anywhere near. I could walk DLSP ramp six times at 9-10AM. It might rain. It should be just under 70°. Maybe Eden Gardens. Will something pop up?

I popped up at 4:15. It still matters. I had found myself thinking, it doesn't matter. Now that our whole country is blanketed in denial and servitude, why should I recycle? Why should I save energy, electricity? Why should I care if I prevent storm runoff? We are after all, like the previous turn of the millennium, going into centuries of dark ages. I had thought maybe with 2012 and Obama that our country could maybe evolve. But forces of devolution are stronger. It seems. But I'm still alive and kicking. And there is a Women's March. So it still matters.

Liz is using the firechat app that works without cellular service. I got it to keep in touch but we didn't use it. Allowed location but can change in settings. I got the March app from the womensmarch.com website. It looked so useful but I actually did not use it.

A massive thunderstorm is predicted later in the day, so I and three friends decided to Women's March at Santa Clara beach access at 8AM. I wore my pantsuit for women's solidarity. I was sweating when I got home.

Joan told me that she had expected a spiritual meditative experience and was disappointed that it was all about the video. She said she often has that problem with Leslie and Pat. So she had switched to video mode and couldn't go back. I realized that I love the video aspect and mix it with meditation, not separate. But at the end of our walk, I suggested that we walk back in silent meditation. They agreed and we did. I got into breathing and the air was good. Leslie was doing some qi gong. So I tried to follow her. Joan took a picture of us with light beaming from the cloud holes. Then the question became about going to Panama City to march with women there. I think Leslie felt sick. I knew I would be exhausted standing listening to speakers and the storm was supposed to come so I didn't want to go. Sheewho did go and sent good pix of the crowd. Also Emily got a batch.

It was a fantastic day. I spent it as armchair marcher and web voyeur. Wonderful communications. I should do a little meditation now before yoga. I did.

See a movie of the day.

2017-01-20

We were walking in the forest at the time of the inauguration of Trump. I had printed posters from the web and gave them to Colleen and Barbara to carry. Nancy stayed home, being weak from having vertigo the day before. We had a great time. Did some expressing marching in the forest. Then sang old camp songs as we hiked.

2017-01-19

Lovely foggy morning. Having gotten wrapped up in the wi-fi info I didn't leave until after 6:30. Parked on 30A. Did walking meditation with 2 steps breathing in and 3 steps breathing out. It worked for me the entire walk of 1.3x miles round trip. That wasn't counting the slow walk circles I did on the beach but that wasn't much. Guy was resetting bird nesting rope fence. I wanted to do my yoga or ritual on a flat part but he said that was behind the vegetation on dune line. So I had to trip over bumpy truck grooves in the sand. It slopes down too much by the water.

2017-01-18

Learned that the Women's March is happening all over the world. Excited. We are planning a local event but the plans keep changing. Amazed that my video took shape.

2017-01-17

Thinking this week is a basic shamanic philosophic art task of resolving paradox and finding unity in duality. Duality is the two lakes: Eastern and Deer Lake. Duality is the two Lake2Lakes paths: 30A and Beach. Duality is the two watersheds: Choctawhatchee River (Cypress Creek) and St. Andrew Bay (Econfina Creek). Duality is two springs: Pitt and Sylvan. Duality is two trails: Sylvan and Nature Path. Duality is alone and with others. Duality is crystal and burning fire/herbs/smoke. This day was devoted to the Women's March.

6AM mostly clear 59° 0 precipitation and 100% humidity. I didn't get out there until 6:20 when sky was a swath of bright color. Kept shoes and jacket on but was sweating when got home. Definitely wintry even though sun sometimes bright. Mostly wan. I had intended to go west and bring smudge from E Lake east to Deer Lake. But could not bear to turn my back on this glorious sunrise. Also wind from east, so walking toward it with burning I could not keep it out of the wind. Better to have wind at back with choice.

So I went to Deer Lake, which was closed, slightly. Long inoutfall starting west of the park. I decided to follow it back as far as I could get to the lake. There I spent a long time and almost all my book of matches trying to get the bundle ignited. First I was doing the wrong end, the twig stumps. But the wind was strong and matches went out. Finally I got flames with the piles of matches and the herbs.

By that time the sun had risen. Glaring. Good to have it at my back heading west. Amazingly enough the herbs stayed lit all the way to E Lake. I photoed gulls and the one I think that was a ring bill. Not banded. Didn't even think of snowy plovers. Did some pearl step, pearl pearl step. At E Lake there was the one-legged heron extensively discussed on Facebook. It had survived a dog attack. It flew up from land to shore and two came back. They flew through gap in buildings. Then one-leg returned. Wonder if it chased the other or escorted it. Anyway, think I got good video of it at the shore. Later the video revealed the fisherman was tossing food for the heron. Mixed feelings about that. Then I went to sit on a bank and complete lake2lake affirmation and photos. Did not get visions or words but loved the sites.

One dramatic thing was that the inoutfall was flat, I got a photo or video of it with perfect reflections of arrow shapes. When I stood up from the bank, a wave came up over my shoes. Surprised and not my intention, I had the strong feeling Ester had washed over, washed my feet. I'm baptized. {Dream on. Reviewing GoPro video, always on, I see that the TDC truck crossing generated the waves.} I dunked Geome and the wand to put it out. And left.

2017-01-16

Hiked the new trails at Williford, Sylvan and Pitt Springs. Fun day. One of my happiest ever. Just love walking on these trails. My friend is is great to hike with because we share so much, so many experiences and views. We don't have to stick together or keep a pace. We can stop and photo wherever whenever. We practiced walking meditation by keeping silent. I communed with Williford Spring, Geome and fragrant herbal smudging smoke in ritual for the Women's March. Dipped the GoPro under water. Looking at the video later, when I stop on a frame, rainbow spectrums appear. They are much less apparent as the video plays.

2017-01-15

Hiked Lake2Lake carrying the burning herb wand for the Women's March. Searching for direction. The direction, that is, since there are too many to do at once. So Beet. (I indulge in silly word play. I'm beat. So be it.) Maybe the chaos Leslie senses is really my dancer. Strange but I kind of feel like that character in the movie Lucy who got overdosed on drugs by mistake (that were illegally sewn into her stomach when she was captured as a mule which I guess is a sex slave) and became such a superhuman that she became one with all (ALL), truly consciously.

2017-01-14

The Panhandle Chapter of the FTA canceled their hike to the CRS section for fear of high water. The Choctawhatchee Chapter appeared and I hiked with them. Eight of them. I followed them over the bridge at the creek, which was about 3" under water. Tom said "What do you think, Caroling"? We had shared speculations for days via email. I said, "Love". I was so joyous and into feeling that I couldn't report a thought. But I did say that I was surprised there was water over the boardwalk bridge. He agreed.

Then I did a ritual for the Women's March with Geome, my crystal geode, and a bundle of herbs for smudging. Ate lunch. Became one with the woods and water. So happy.

When time to hike the 1.25 miles back to my car, I could hardly move. Had to. Then I hit my stride and enjoyed it. It is a challenge to integrate photos and videos from three sources: GoPro mounted on my forehead, Sony hanging around my neck, and iPhone in my pocket. I had to stand up at the computer to avoid leg cramps.

2017-01-12

I'm finding myself increasingly resistant to dealing with the myriad details of our complicated systems of doing business. Sometimes I'll choose losing hundreds of dollars to bureaucratic mistakes if it means days of emails, phone calls, finding old papers, and researching the fine print. Sometimes I feel my creative time is worth it. Other times I pursue whatever it is that must be done to ensure creative time continues. I can imagine it all crumbling into creative chaos if the right factors happen at the wrong time.

I keep checking the Choctawhatchee River flood level at Bruce. The countdown is to the FTA hike on January 14. Based on my three previous visits, I think we can cross the Cypress Creek, even though it will be backed up, if the level is down to 13' over flood stage.

At night I went to the Healing Drum Circle. It was quite fun. I marched around before starting, that is, powwow steps, setting up Women's March on Washington that will be on 1-21. Talked to Jamie some. He won't get his eyes operated on ever. Strange seeing someone in fear of medical procedure. Didn't quite get the incident that had caused his fear. Usually it is me voicing resistance and banking that I'm right. So far I'm so glad for this help and my ability to take advantage of it.

This crazy Ken Stahl came. He had been to Cambodia for a long time and seems to live in Austin. Not sure if he is a musician but he seems to be here for the songwriters festival. I enjoyed my click sticks and a tambourine. Actually the dancing and aura healing qi interaction is the most important part of it. There was a young kid there, really into it. I thought he said he was from South Africa but maybe the son of a guy there? I hear the drums but not what people say.

I stayed later than I wanted to, to talk to Eda. One of the people that I'm drawn to here. One of the only ones that loves my nature art and other art. She invited me to come up to the farm. All I have to do is call.

I watched public TV's show on the opening of the Smithsonian National Museum of African American History. Wonderful in so many ways.

2017-01-11

Written on Facebook after seeing Susan Lucas Art's link to http://www.telegraph.co.uk/art/what-to-see/how-georgia-okeeffe-left-her-cheating-husband-for-a-mountain-god/ photo of Georgia OKeefe's Cottonwoods painting. It's more than beauty that stirs my tears. Seeing the painting of "Cottonwoods" reminded me of the tree I watched, climbed, and wondered at the changes in seasons that stood in front of my childhood home. I've never stopped trying to catch that essence of light, sky blue blinking against flickering gold green cottonwood leaves in my own art.

2017-01-10

Before lunch got out back for a hike. Entering Deer Lake State Park at the power lines, I did not see any birds on the pole nest. Seeing one after another of orange-flagged trees, at first I thought it might mark a proposed hiking trail. I wanted to follow the flags to see where they went. They appeared to the right and the left of the old roads I was on. When one was close, I saw writing on it. It said "Timber Harvest Boundary". Then it became obvious it was avoiding wetlands and encircling about a mile of the park between the power lines, Scenic 30A, and Deer Lake. This is the corner near to where I live. Enjoy this woods now because soon the roar of machinery and traffic will start. When that's over, all that's left is vistas of destruction. Our legislators seek to make money off of what was set aside to be conserved.

At a wetland restoration site, the tiny pitcher plants were largely damaged by nights below freezing. Little buttons of sundews dotted the dark ground, still red juicy spines but some die back. It was hard to find the White Fringed Orchid seed capsule heads. The ones still atop their stalk appeared lifeless. Looking at the photos, I saw the capsules were four petaled husked with vents that must have sent out the seeds. In sense, seed lanterns.

Recently have joined three new hiking groups on Facebook. One featured a blog about why people hike. For me, today, it is that I always find something new. If nothing else, about ways to breathe better. Today I saw a bunch of black spots in the turf. Looking closer, they appeared to be weathered sunflower seeds. Did someone plant them or just drop a package? Many were sprouting. I can imagine sunflowers for the caged chickens to see. Some relief from getting bitten to test for mosquito- transmitted diseases. Maybe they'll screen the view of the timber harvest or shall we say tree kill?

2017-01-09

Scheduled at 6:45AM: laser surgery to remove scar tissue around cataract replacement lens that causes blurring in left eye. A couple in the waiting room needed to talk. She about her history and helper. The younger burly man was intent on instilling me with defensive fear about my lifestyle. Luckily my appointment with the doctor, with the successful surgery rescued me. I walked out and drove home reveling in the starkly sharper, clearer, crisper, more contrasty brilliant vision of seeing. Such a pleasure. Dread the prednisone eye drops following.

2017-01-06

Hiked with friends in forest. Barbara said she had opened her eyes during the kundalini gong meditation practice. She had seen wonderful gold light coming from the gong. On 1/7 we saw the movie Hidden Figures which was wonderful in many deep ways. On 1/8 we saw Fences, a gut-wrenching drama. Both mornings were below freezing. I walked indoors.

2017-01-05

Hiked with Bruce Varner on Florida Trail CRS from SR 20 to see the Cypress Creek bridge when the Choctawhatchee River is over 13' when it is at flood stage. It was something like 14.4' when we went. Bruce could only guess where the bridge was or might be. Not visible. Charlotte the dog was so companionable that I loved having her along. Bruce kept her leashed in case of bears. Not to mention alligators. See photos and quick video with overlays showing the bridge from the same point of view when under flood stage and dry.

ECMS meeting with Michele Jorge, who has presented on chakras and Qi in 2010 and 2012. She is a large vibrant woman infused with Yogi Bhajan energy. Brought back my memories of visiting the event in Muir Woods or some forest north of SF when looking for a place to put up my dome. The breakfast. Write about this in depth later. Also the kundalini training in Boulder, Colorado in 1975.

Michele introduced many exercises for raising kundalini. She taught us Sat Nam and Ong Namo Guru Dev Namo chants. Sitting on the other side of a circle of 45 people (!) who came, I could only hear part of what she was saying at the beginning. She had us breathe in/belly out and breathe out/belly in. Next, breathe in wave belly + mid + upper. Then breathe out upper + mid + belly. Then do breath of fire which is fast belly breathing with nose. Then do mulbandh, contract anal sphincter. Next contract area around sex organ. Then contract the lower abdominal muscles and the navel point toward your spine. I found it hard to do after breathing in, while keeping belly big breath in. Maybe not, but not sure how it relates to breath out. We did more on chair.

Put chairs away, took off socks for bare feet (I didn't) and sit cross legged on floor. She used a meditation cushion. Then we did many more. On all fours, on each side arm up, leg back and up and head back, breathe in. Tuck back down to breathe out. The last one was for meditation hunch up shoulders to ears with fingers wrapped L-R around body to each armpit. For more info, see 3HO, the Healthy, Happy, Holy Organization.

After many of the exercises we lay down on backs, lights dim, and she played some other-worldly music on her kundalini gong. Barbara said to look up on got the name that was on the gong (PAISTE). At some point I had involuntary total body quivers or shudders or ripples. Not directional. Like orgasm only in that it was not under my control. The low, very low, and broad bong was kundalini the coiled snake for me. Then came the most unidentifiable shattering, somewhat like dry leaves in the wind mixed with clattering broken shards of glass and pottery, audience clapping, lightning. And for me that was the connection with the divine. It was fierce, penetrating, invasive, causing me initially to want to cover my ears, or stop the loudness, turn down the volume, identify, manage, get around, contain, but that was futile. As I felt little pixels of me gradually folding down, surrendering to this flow, actually removing separation from the waves that were actually everywhere, in, out, around. I felt that the only way to experience this, maybe neutralize it from resistance, or zero it, yes I stopped resisting and it was OK. Not in a judgmental way. It is that I was with it, actually I was it. When the raging stopped all was black but not void. With each successive repetition of this gong, thrash, silent pattern, I at first thought it was a repeat but what turned out to be different and perhaps a progression was my experience or practice or involvement with it. Somewhere in there shimmy happened. I can’t say it was directional in any way. Kundalini snake did not rise for some upward union. It was just all. Lasted a few seconds.

2017-01-04

I’m in sort of a dangerous elated state where i have gotten essential tasks done, fearing and balking all the way. Out of control in messaging and Facebook. But I do love this liquid mercurial psycho-tipsy state. Sometime feel fireworked to blissed out tinsel falling in ripples.

2017-01-02

Off I went to Destin to get B12 and stock up on food. Couldn't do other errands because it is a holiday. Driving along so relaxed in the foggy day with little traffic. Felt everything so-called "inanimate" is meditating. I felt so akin to my vehicle. It has everything it needs and functions predictably. So every tiny part is meditating. Meditation in action. There is awareness spreading. When become aware of a relationship, such as with my car, it is like a light, illumination. It spills over onto the road and that to the neighboring properties, the homes, the infrastructure. I felt so harmonious. Not completely linear, as most driving is linked to time, distance, rate. I just felt kind of solid state, although changing and moving towards a goal, a timelessness.

At home I got spiraled into a visionary ethno shaman site and read about communing with a power plant. It asked for comments on such a meeting. I wrote this but somehow could not log on with a disqus username. Lost the page. Here's what I wrote.

Memorable time spent camping in the mountains among ancient Bristlecone Pines. At first they seemed to be fast travelers with physical roots but vast consciousness travel. I realized how tiny I was. Physically, yes, but in time, having such a short lifetime, I was almost invisible to them. When ceasing to discriminate, as equals, what a treasure it was to be with them.

Heavy rainfall and thunderstorming during the night. Lightning strikes to east and west of me destroyed a couple of buildings in fire.

2017-01-01

Went on first day hike at Camp Helen State Park.

Made an event announcing the 65th reunion of the Class of 1952 at West High School, MN.

I did a MCS color healing and could get nothing out of it. Dismayed that my Magical Passes initiative got dropped. My newfound resolution to feel, depth explore feelings was pretty banged up yesterday. It took hours of writing to become conscious and articulate feelings. Then when expressed them to a person (who almost daily puts up some slogan that she's into it) not only did not follow the depths, issued apologies and defied my wishes and intention by not following my words and violating them. I hope our friendship survives.

I felt the orchid seed pods have the best energy for the new year. So it is another seed year. I need to get a monthly orchid seed photo. Or a quarterly. Heard from Teresa Brown, a wonderful woman I met through my son Leo, who bicycled cross country with her. So happy to hear how exquisitely she is living, so in tune with nature, seeing such beautiful photos I saw on Instagram, earthelation. Her website is a work in progress, earthbeloved.com, now parked.

2016-12-28

Went on a tour to Deer Lake State Park. See the slideshow called Seed Tour.

2016-12-26

Suddenly inspired to make annotated visual rhythm instead. Gleam beats. Would need audio. I’m just too sick I think. When I look at it, first thought is some enlargement much larger, getting it behind my head gib, that is BIG. Hmm, maybe turning around. I could do text and image expurgation of current and further develop this later. O my difficult life. I know I am extremely spoiled to think having caffeine jitters and slight blood sugar weariness is a big problem. So I will eat breakfast and shut up for now. Ongoing riff.

2016-12-25

I'm sick with a cold and taking antibiotics to prevent return of pneumonia. I do not walk or do yoga.

2016-12-24

I might be willing, might be able to promote my art by adding explanation. Listen to a sound. There is the basic beat, boom boom boom. And additions, vary it. So this is a visual beat, the basic is the gleam photo that stays the same. But parts of it vary. they move right and left, different parts move, they vary in size, which implies near and far. They could vary more like a different kind of drum with its own beat.

2016-12-23

Created a movie of the solstice meditation. It is actually pretty musical to watch. I might make a vocal sound track. it is 12s long. Couple of ideas emerge. This could be a background for a brushstroke dance. Fluid weaving. Also, this could be interactive with sliders, so I could vary the parameters to fine tune the beat. Wonder what a Native American drum beat would look like. Faster than heartbeat but regular. Found a couple, almost native, as Motown. Put it on Vimeo and Facebook Wholeo page. Also shared to Caroling. No one liked it. Too hard to get. I will do it again with explanations.

2016-12-22

Woke about 5, wanting to check in for galactic alignment at dawn. Temps and everything was nice. Cloud batting all over sky with sun eye peeping at the horizon. I thought I’d get there early. But the sun was 1/3 up by the time I got to the beach. Strangely enough, the inoutfall was running quite a ways past the west sign of the park. It was cold enough that I didn't want wet feet. Saw no way to get across. So went back to car and drove to DLSP parking lot. From there walked to WaterSound beach access.

2016-12-21

4:44AM Solstice meditation video. It’s information. It’s up to me to shade (not right word, maybe "shape") the whole. Beyond the frame, see them fast, see them slow, see them real time, see them front, see them back, See them in slices here and there. Like a meditation meal. (shows breakfast.) I'm so grateful. There’s nothing different about eating. (sounds of munching.) Crunch crunch crunch, you'd never hear how it is in my head, I know. When first closed my eyes, blue hazy light. Not everywhere. Like presence of a cloud.

4:48PM Solstice sunset meditation. Felt the love connection of the day and the galactic connection I've established. There are beings all over the galaxy like spokes of a wheel, scattered about, all oriented to center. We are exchanging blueprints of being, from the trivial to basic anatomy, abilities, preferences. This is recorded not just within. Eventually I realized each grain of sand is a consciousness and but were all communing. Can I accept my expanded consciousness activity? I am elated at my new connection with the sand crystals. Just remembered a key point in visions. Deep ruby red globule with golden light highlight. I loved the air the slight breeze, the incredible sculptures in the lights of the clouds.

See Outer Solstice 2016. Reviewed the Beyond the Frame of Reference movie. Gets at my gnarls. Also Feeling Stuff.

Quarter Days

Some of these might appear chronologically if there are relevant comments.

2017-03-20 Advance Equinox or March equinox - March 20 at 10:29 UT (March 20 at 5:29AM CDT). Galactic color healing.

2017-06-21 Inner Solstice - June 21 at 4:24 UT (June 20 11:24PM CDT)

2017-07-25 Day out of Time - July 25. Day Out of Time.

2017-09-22 Follow Equinox or September equinox - September 22 at 20:02 UT (Sept. 22 at 3:02PM CDT) International Day of Peace

2017-12-21 Outer Solstice or December solstice - December 21 at 16:28 UT (10:28AM CST). Where. What.

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