A friend, on letting go of Leo

They met in 1987 in New Zealand, in a remote part of the Coromandel pennisula, New Zealand. The friend was a skate-boarder, movie star. They were surprised to find out that they both lived in Santa Barbara, CA. Leo went to UCSB. Tyrone was to start the Santa Barbara Yoga Center, later. Leo describes their meeting and travel together in his journal. See the first page for Tyrone.

Where Tyrone met Leo in 1987 was pronounced Aurora, Orere, near Auckland. It was on a school trampoline, where he got a great picture of Leo against the sky. Fork in the road N. Island, they went to the Corelmandle pennisula.

Tyrone told me that Leo wanted to buy property in Rakaia Gorge. Norwesters so windiest place in N.Z Omarama desert-like place near there where they fly. With Robyn, a baby boy would come after the girl and be named Ben.

"Gleaming the Cube" is a downhill stunt movie Tyrone was in as the skate boarder. Tyrone left home at 17, now is 27. "Realm?" "Fabric?" "Beings?" (Leo's answer to Tyrone's vision when they were on mushroom trip on Santa Barbara beach in 91. It caused great laughter. But Tyrone said it made him think that Leo did not have any spiritual visions.)

"The Denial of Death" by Ernst Becker, Tyrone said is the best book (combines Kierkegard & Freud), but Tyrone went beyond. How I can't remember. Leo had told Tyrone that he was afraid of pain but not of death.

Tyrone's ritual to Leo on Mt. Whitney. Two nights ago when he was rushing camping, felt Leo's hand on his shoulder. "It's OK, be careful", soothing him. (Actually saw from behind, got shiver thru him). He climbed to the top of the mountain. He lit a candle. He kept eyes closed. He prayed to let go of Leo and candle went out. Tyrone ran down Whitney in two hours. He said "run with me" to Leo. Full moon rising was Leo on earth, framed perfectly between canyon and trees. Leo is one with nature. Last night he had a dream of Leo giving him the big hug he was hoping for when they met.

In July,1993 I wrote this about Tyrone's June 5, 1993 trip:

Tyrone, the friend Leo met in NZ, who has the yoga center in Santa Barbara called last night to say that Leo's passing affected him so profoundly that now he is selling his part in the center and going to go snow-boarding on high mountains around the world. He has a gorgeous woman who wants to marry but he just can't settle down.

I had given him some of Leo's ashes. He told me how he had made a trip to the Sierras where Leo and Tyrone were going to go climbing (called the Palisades) and it was totally iced and blizzarded in.

Tyrone was one of the top excellent skate-boarders, but also one of the first to snow-board. So now he's taking it up again. Went on a trip to the Sierras with a photographer who is even a better mountaineer than he is. So climbed, snowboarded, and got photographed. Tyrone wants to write for adventure magazines, esp snowboarding. He had planned to go to the North Palisade with Leo. Now he planned to sleep up there and take Leo's ashes there. But they had to turn back. Next plan was to go up into the White mountains but a storm blew in.

Went to Bishop. Camped for several days. He went to Gunter hill (where Elizabeth and I went with the Dr.). He said he found Leo's spirit there and talked to him all the way up as he walked. He realized that Leo is in a safe, happy, peaceful place, is OK and not thinking of earth, and it is Tyrone who is troubled.

Tried to call Mark Axen (who had produced the World Cup event that was Leo's last) but couldn't get ahold of him. Then one day watched a paraglider that went up and down and couldn't seem to get up. Kari Castle was at the base (she had known and flown with Leo and was there the day he died). So he met them both. Said it was so good to talk to friends who had been with him in the days before he passed. Kari said Leo died on the hill above the Sand Pits.

So Tyrone walked up there and talked and cried with Leo the whole time. He felt Leo's presence. Tyrone tried to explain what Leo meant to him, why Leo was so special, and why he was having such a hard time letting him go. He got the response that it was Tyrone's problem. That Leo was in a safe, happy, peaceful place. He told him the symbolism, he was holding the ashes, like memory to top of him. Cried, screamed, yelled, conversation, mushroom experience, replay of last time together. Tyrone hurt, pain. Sadness about leaving. He got to the hillside above the sand pits. And let the ashes go there. This is the last remnant of Leo's physical body that Tyrone has. Some went down, some went different directions and some went up.

Then when time to go down, don't go back the same way.

He walked back down the other side of the hill, humming, singing, and composed a song for Leo. He's working on music with Sven, who pays the guitar. He read it to me, long and of course I couldn't help crying. It is so sad, meaning to be a tribute I guess. I cry just thinking of it. I guess it expresses Tyrone's great grief. It's called, "Flying Home."

Tyrone reminded me of the 3 funny things of his vision that Leo couldn't understand: realm, fabric (of the universe), beings (who exist in it).